Learning to be coachable

I want to thank Andy Halley-Wright for his advice on how to improve my website. Andy is a brand expert, having worked for years as a strategist at Young & Rubicam. I am a brand expert, as an executive or consultant developing dozens of brand strategies over the years. Andy was complementary about the values of generosity and wisdom that were evident in my website. He likes the name, "Executive Springboard."  He was also very clear that my website, in total, was not getting my own brand message across. He asked, “Who designed your website?” I answered, “I did,” and I could hear the cringe on the other end of the phone! He offered some tangible steps to fix my messaging. I fully intend to build Andy’s advice into my website. But not right now. I don’t have time right now.

I’m bringing this up not to invite thousands of people to add their comments about our website (go ahead, I'd love the feedback!) But because it says a lot about an important aspect of succeeding in corporate life --- being coachable.

We see this a lot in our practice. I had a conversation with a CEO about whether offering up coaching or mentoring to an executive came with an implicit criticism of the exec’s ability to do the job. “Are you not fully confident in me? Is that why you are offering this?” It’s a little self-serving of me to say, “Well, give every executive a mentor and then nobody will feel singled out as needing coaching when others don’t.”  

Our consultancy has lost out on mentoring engagements, because new executives could not find the time to fit in a mentor. I am sort of relieved not to take on these engagements, yet I’m saddened to think that the unwillingness to be coached is indicative of future problems. 

“Not enough time” is somebody’s way of saying that they have more pressing priorities. We all have the same amount of time in our calendars. Some may work 14 hours a day, some might game or exercise or make time for family activities. Some might think their own career development is a priority. Others may not. Even among mentored executives, we recognize a high incidence of cancelled sessions. The calculus is that an executive places higher priority on the day-to-day issues that require their time than the investment the company intends to make in their development.

I can relate. Upon reflection, there are few things that hit me at my core more than for somebody to think I am not competent. So, I know from personal experience that it can be very difficult to ask for help that will improve what I do, or even to accept it when it is offered.

Here’s the hard truth. When 20,000 hiring managers were asked in a Center for Creative Leadership 2011 survey what were the top reasons why an executive hire failed, here were the five leading responses:

1. They were not coachable, either not listening or else not demonstrating that they turn suggestions into action. (26%)
2. They did not demonstrate strong EQ, focusing on the results without, without considering the people involved. (23%)
3. They did not seem sufficiently motivated, showing resistance to get involved in the company or the community. (17%)
4. They didn’t have the right temperament for the job, behaving in ways that are contrary to values or culture. (15%)
5. They didn’t have the competence for the position, either functionally or in knowledge of the specific industry. (11%)

So, this unwillingness to heed advice, much less admit it is needed, is the biggest single source of failures among executive hires. What might feel like insecurity looks like arrogance and ends in disappointment.

For those of us who might not find being coached a natural thing, here are five steps you can take:

1. Become committed to change. Most of us in leadership roles realize that the business must change. In dynamic environments, change is required not just to succeed but to survive. It might be harder to recognize that we have to change along with the business. None of us are finished pieces of work, and we don’t have all the answers ourselves. Admitting this to ourselves is a good start. Asking for help and internalizing that help when it is given are even better.
2. Open up to constructive criticism. Do you get defensive when somebody gets to the “but…” after a compliment? Consider whether you are taking an opportunity for improvement and turning into a fight/flight response to a threat. Many of us are more than happy to receive criticism and maybe even to act on it, if it isn’t directly attributable to ourselves. Criticism makes us look like we have been doing something wrong. With that, our social armor is dented and our guise of perfection is marred. Rather than avoiding the immediate embarrassment, admit to yourself that you, like everybody else, make mistakes and can become more effective by learning from them. 
3. Appreciate new perspectives. Many people who work in technology get very excited about new things, new processes and new systems. Creativity can be defined as achieving results in a new way.  Yet all these embraces of newness are a step or two removed from the personal risk that is associated with a new relationship, a new belief or a new way of behaving. Make the jump from welcoming inanimate newness, and apply it to the people decisions of work. Become excited to hear how somebody else succeeded, be it a colleague or a competitor. Seek out ways of thinking that might challenge your own assumptions.
4. Be self-aware and be socially aware. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses, so you can be attuned to ways to leverage them or to improve. More subtle is the ability to perceive how you are viewed by others, reflecting your behavior’s impact on others. What cues do you get on what is or is not received well?
5. Listen actively. Pick your head up from the screen and stop what you are doing long enough to pay attention to the words and visual cues offered by others. Did you hear the criticism or advice that was offered? Were you able to discern that an observation was actually a polite way of offering direction?  I remember a board member making just that sort of observation in the midst of a casual conversation. I valued his opinion but did not take action, because I had not read the comment as direction. Bad move! In hindsight, I am sure the board member concluded that I did not take advice easily. 

Given how often coachability plays into an executive’s success or failure, maybe there is extra motivation to recognize when we are being coached and when our responses can color how we are viewed. With this in mind, Andy, let me tell you that I take your comments on my website seriously and that I fully intend to take on several of the suggestions you made. But just not yet!

The author is president of Executive Springboard, which provides external mentors to onboard and integrate executives into new roles.