Learning to be Assertive

Often when people hear the word assertiveness they think of aggressiveness, being mean, pushy or bossy. While some people are that way, that is actually not assertiveness. Assertiveness is a way to get your needs met without offending others. The real assertiveness involves both respect for yourself and the other person.

With competitiveness into our day to day life, we have far too much to do in too little time. Whether by necessity or by design, people are now very straightforward, brutally honest, frighteningly blunt.  There is no longer time or patience to beat about the bush. 

NON-ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR, sometimes called “Passive Behavior” include not expressing feelings, needs, and ideas; ignoring personal rights; and allowing others to infringe upon them. Being non-assertive is usually the result of very low self-esteem, which has been brought about differently in individual cases.  If we do not learn to manage them effectively at an early stage it can directly affect our self-esteem and can make us vulnerable. Unfortunately, non-assertiveness translates into setting yourself up as an easy target and scapegoat in every area of your life. 

Here are few important aspects on how to become more assertive:

(1) Learn to treat yourself with respect

(2) Be honest about who you are and who you aren’t.

(3) Use confident body language and tone. 

(4) Don't let other people define your boundaries

(5) Learn to say no

(6) Apologize with self-respect.

(7) Express your needs and feelings by building communication skills.

Lastly, pick your battles rightly. That means, many people who are on the path to being more assertive try to be assertive all the time. Assertiveness is situational and contextual. There may be cases when being assertive won’t get you anywhere and taking a more aggressive or passive stance is the better option.

The result of an assertive action may be getting exactly what you want, or a compromise, or a rejection, but regardless of the outcome, it will lead to you feeling more in control of your life. Start small, learn how to state your wishes, and make assertiveness a part of who you are.

What keeps you away from being assertive? Share your views in the comment.