Learning The Art of Friendship

I heard an interesting discussion on the radio the other day about friendship and it got me thinking. Friendship is one of the most fundamental aspects of being human, yet it’s also one of the most overlooked. We often assume that making friends happens naturally, that relationships will form effortlessly, and that we all inherently know how to connect, maintain, and nurture these bonds. But when we pause to reflect—truly reflect—on our own experiences, we might recognize that friendships, like any other meaningful relationship, require attention, intention, effort, and understanding.

For children, friendships are a central part of their world, shaping how they see themselves and others. But childhood is also a time of immense learning—figuring out personal identity, understanding emotions, and making sense of the social landscape. With so much growth happening at once, it’s no surprise that navigating friendships can sometimes feel confusing, or even overwhelming. Some children seem to make friends effortlessly, while others struggle, not because they don’t want connection, but because the skills involved—introducing oneself, maintaining conversations, resolving conflicts, and showing empathy—aren’t necessarily intuitive. These are learned behaviors, shaped by experiences, role models, and opportunities to practice.

Despite its significance, how often do we talk about or address the specific skills it takes to develop friendships? We teach children how to read, solve math problems, and ride a bike, but how often do we explicitly teach them how to make and sustain meaningful friendships? In the classroom there were times that the subject came up or we might do some short activity around friendship, through reflecting back, I never explicitly taught friendship. I can say though with the benefit of teaching using the IBO PYP curriculum and the nature of my classroom situations, we did have lots of informal discussions around friendships.

It’s essential for children to learn how to navigate the complexities of social interactions, as this helps them distinguish between friendships that uplift and support them and those that may be unbalanced or unhealthy. Just as importantly, they need to recognize that true friendship is a two-way street—built on mutual care, respect, and reciprocity. As teachers, parents, and mentors, we play a crucial role in guiding children to understand that disagreements are a natural part of relationships and don’t necessarily signal the end of a friendship. Conflict doesn’t have to mean cutting ties or, as it is on social media, “deleting” a friend. Instead, learning to manage disagreements with empathy and communication are valuable skills that strengthen relationships over time. This process ties directly into two key pillars of emotional intelligence—social awareness and relationship management—both of which are essential for building and maintaining meaningful relationships and connections throughout life.

And then there’s the other side of friendship—the loss. Losing a friend, whether through distance, drifting apart, or painful conflict, and those (hopefully) rare occasions of loss through death, can be some of life’s more challenging experiences. Sometimes, the loss happens gradually, almost imperceptibly, until one day you realize you’re no longer connecting to one another. Other times, it’s sudden and sharp, leaving behind an ache that lingers. In both cases, friendships, just like all relationships, remind us of the importance of communication, vulnerability, and effort…which are also important topics that have been or will be included in future newsletters.

I had a friend who told me that she loved traveling with me because everywhere we went, I would meet random people—local people, other travelers—who we would befriend and go off on some fun, spontaneous adventure together. All my life I’ve met people and made friends easily. That said, most of my closest friends in life have passed.?

Being that we are social creatures, it’s important that we have relationships—social interactions with similar interests and friendships with people we can simply be ourselves around.?An important question to ask oneself is: Do I have truly close, intimate friendships? The kind where you feel seen, heard, and deeply understood? Where you know you will have (as you also give) undivided attention when you spend time together. In other words, you’re present for each other.

In a world where digital connections often masquerade as deep relationships, having even one or two friends with whom you can be completely yourself is invaluable.?Our emotional and mental well-being thrives when we have safe, supportive relationships, where we can share our joys and struggles, knowing we are not alone. Knowing we are not judged. Where and when we can be authentically ourselves. Studies consistently show that strong social connections are one of the greatest predictors of overall happiness and longevity. Yet, there is an epidemic of loneliness -from 8 to 80- at time when we have multiple ways in which we are able to connect.?

I believe the key to developing and nurturing genuine friendships lies in real, face-to-face connections and the conscious choice to be fully present—not half-listening while “multi-tasking.” When we engage with each other in person, human to human, we pick up on the subtleties of interaction—the nuances in tone, facial expressions, eye contact, and body language—all of which deepen our connections in ways that texts and quick messages simply can’t. We also have the power to choose how we interact, and if we want our children to build meaningful friendships, we need to model that behavior ourselves. That means texting less, speaking and engaging more, and prioritizing real conversations. In-person interactions are always best, but when that’s not possible, using apps that allow for real-time face-to-face connection is the next best thing.

Modern life makes it easy to become disconnected, to let friendships slip into the background as work, responsibilities, and daily routines take over. So perhaps it’s worth asking: How much do we truly invest in our friendships? Are we showing up for those we care about—not just in moments of crisis, but in everyday life? Are we making the effort to listen, to check in, to be fully present? And are we teaching children not only the importance of making friends but also the value of maintaining them? Friendship is not just about proximity or shared history; it’s about trust, mutual respect, and a willingness to be there for one another.

Friendships are not to be taken for granted. They are built, nurtured, and cherished. We can all learn to communicate better, listen more deeply, and understand each other with greater compassion. And perhaps most importantly, we can make a conscious effort to spend more real, meaningful time together—to value our friends for the incredible gifts that they are. Because in the end, friendships aren’t just part of life; they are what make life richer, fuller, and more connected. ??

Reflecting on your life, how did you form friendships? Were they easy and organic, or did they require conscious effort? Do you do things differently now? Were there moments when someone introduced you to a new friend, making the process smoother? Or were there times when you found yourself alone—at a new job, in a new city, traveling—where building connections was entirely up to you? And once those friendships were formed, how did you nurture them? Have you maintained long-standing friendships, or have some quietly faded over time? Please share!