Learn, Unlearn, Relearn

“Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

Growing up we learn many basics of life including: 

We can’t always have our way (never liked that one), we need to share (actually found that fun). When we’re young we learn a lot without even realizing it, without even trying. We witness how the people closest to us think, behave, and react. Some of the lessons we learn are very beneficial to us, and others, not so much. The latter are the ones to be aware of. These are the ones that need to be rewired, so they can be unlearned.

It takes time for lessons to become ingrained in the brain, and unlearning them can be quite the challenge. What we have learned over the years has been drilled into us, and cemented in with repetition. This process secures the hard wiring that creates our behaviors and beliefs. We need to relearn.

Before that let's look at the four beliefs we inadvertently learn, that tops the chart of ‘Unlearn This’ list:

1. If I __________, what will people think?

Who cares?!

I’m sorry, but if am not hurting anyone, we all deserve to live a life that makes us happy. Our time here on earth is a gift and we shouldn’t feel any responsibility to live it according to what other people think.

That being said, we must understand that our actions do affect others. We all make choices and must live with the consequences of those choices, which may mean being criticized by others or losing certain relationships. What’s important is that we live in integrity.

2. I don’t want to let anyone down, so I basically never say no.

This is yet another way that we allow other people to take priority over what may be best for us. Some of us are on people-pleasing autopilot, which makes it easy to crash and burn without notice. Exhaustion, resentment toward others and passive-aggressive behavior are only three examples of resulting debris. To prevent this from happening, let's not live our life to please others! Let's learn how to have boundary lines. If we don’t want to spend time with someone, let's not.

3. I feel I have to be prepared for anything so I sometimes worry about what might happen.

There’s a great saying: “Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening. It just stops us from enjoying the good.” This is so true! The irony is that by worrying about what might happen, we’re not only missing the good in our life, but, we are also draining ourselves of the energy and strength we’d need if something did happen. What will be will be! We do our best to be safe and healthy, and that is the extent of our control.

So let's stop. Rewire. Put a new chip in. Whatever it takes to blow out the old programming!

4. I’ve heard that the past equals the future

No.

Not true.

Well, ok, we know when we leave ice cream out, it melts. It melted before so we know it will melt again. But as it relates to personal success, no. If that were the case, then Churchill, Edison, Lincoln, Einstein, and Ford, would have given up. When we have setbacks or ‘failures,’ or experiences of not being good at something, it doesn’t mean we can’t do better the next time; it likely means we need to change how we think. Instead of focusing on what didn’t happen, let's have a positive mindset! Let's not make excuses to avoid pushing our limits!

No matter how old we are or may be, it is never too late to unlearn our lessons!

Things to Relearn…

Preparation and Practice!

If we want to be perceived as a polished, sharp, ready-for-prime-time as a professional, these “2P’s” must be at the top of our to-do list. 

Preparation involves carving out time for reading, researching and doing our homework about things around us. 

Practice involves rehearsing in advance how we’ll respond to the questions we anticipate being asked.

Our practice and preparation is not any different than what professional athletes like Phelps or Bolt, do to train to be in peak condition on the day of the big game. Or the world-class singers do when they practice and rehearse for hours on end before their big performances. The more we prepare and practice, the more confident we’ll feel when our aspirations are on the line in the journey of life.

Obviously, this takes time. 

Since we spend a lot of time working for the best part of our lives, let's ponder over some of those things that we would need to relearn, at every stage.

1. Our Functional Excellence needs to be Developed

People will first and foremost be looking to see if we know our stuff in our area of expertise. 

Take this example : These days for Human Resource Professionals it’s big data and talent analytics. This involves using metrics, models and other sophisticated methods to analyze employee data to improve retention and productivity of the people in the organization. If one has some experience in this area (or any other hot area of their specialty), it would be best to showcase it…as it can give them an edge over others.

However, once we reach a certain level or position (the VP level), functional excellence is assumed. And the emphasis then shifts to other areas such as our leadership capability or critical experiences.

Which leads us to…

2. Our Leadership Capability

Obviously, leadership increases in importance as we climb up the corporate ladder to senior roles. But frankly, no matter what level of an organization our professional role lies, employers want to know what we bring with us as ability to lead, influence, sell our ideas and effectively resolve conflict with our clients, colleagues and employees — whether they report directly to us or not. Professionals with proven skills in taking charge and getting others to follow them are always in demand. It doesn’t matter if we were never formally appointed as the head of a department or given a leadership title. So, if we’ve had success leading others on projects, task forces, teams, employers consider this one of our biggest assets.

That brings us to…

3. Our Business Acumen

Employers will want to know that we not only understand the tactical needs of the profession, but that we also understand their business as well. The best companies expect their people to be passionate about their products and services and not shy away from participating in business-related discussions.In fact, the true superstars in the profession are business people first and professional people second. They can hold their own talking about the business with just about any business leader on their team. 

That said, let’s move on to…

4. Our Promotions and Career Movement

Employers assume that expert professionals get promoted more rapidly. They either get assigned to bigger roles or move progressively into heading up important projects or key initiatives. Because of this, they’ll focus on our last 5-10 years to see if the following have been trending upward:

• our job titles
• the number of employees we’ve supported
• our currency budget accountability
• our number of direct reports
• and the overall scope and impact of our assignments.

Self-initiated job changes can be revealing also. They’ll want to understand why and how we went from one organization to another — and the overall comparability of the companies and industries we’ve worked in. That will provide a rough idea if we’re progressing appropriately in our career.

With that in mind, another obvious attribute of ours that will be examined closely is…

5. Our Track Record of Results

Organizations prefer to hire professionals with a proven track record of high achievement. These are folks who go beyond the call of duty to deliver better-than-expected results. Employers will be looking for cues that demonstrate this in our workplaces.

So, being able to quantify or monetize our accomplishments is a winning formula as we pitch — no matter how much or how little professional experience we’ve had.

Closely related to our track record is…

6. Our Critical or Unique Experiences

Not all professional assignments are created equal. Professional challenges can be dramatically different in different working environments, such as if we’re working in a rapid-growth environment (Google, Microsoft, Apple)…versus a fix-it, business turnaround situation (General Motors, Ford)…versus a mature non-for-profit organization (CRY, CARE International). However, all of these challenges provide unique experiences that can be in high demand by a specific employer. It’s crucial that we define the types of experiences we’ve had so you can position them to your advantage in your career, as a part of career development.

And finally, there’s…

7. Our “Cultural Fit”

This is a catch-all, loosy-goosy term that means a lot of different things. However, this is crucial as many outstanding candidates get dropped from the interview process because they don’t “fit” the culture.

Cultural fit relates to our ability to mesh with the company’s environment, pace, intensity, personality and it’s values and mission.

For example, if there’s a need to work with a team of people who are difficult to deal with, this becomes part of what’s being sought by the employer. Likewise, if the pace of the company is very demanding, lacks adequate resources or has unclear expectations…our ability to thrive and not freak out in this type of culture will be weighed heavily in the mind of our employers.

Many organizations have hired talented people who got frustrated and failed because they couldn’t adapt to the organization’s pace (either too fast or too slow), their unstructured environment, or a vague or less defined executive role. Hiring cultural misfits is a common and serious problem that employers want to avoid.

Let’s conclude. 

There are 4 things to Unlearn and 7 things to Relearn. These are personal and professional key attributes, people around us and employers, are looking for, be it in social life or in today’s corporate world humans and professionals. Knowing what these are and how to demonstrate them, should be a key part of our preparation and practice.

But to be realistic…very few people max out at the 100%-level against all of these criteria. Anyone that can meet 60% of them is a strong. And if you meet 80% or more, you’re absolutely golden.

It's all in our mind - because it can be both a beautiful servant or a monstrous master.