Ten Tips To Practicing Holistic Communication

We have been hearing about if for years…..you can’t escape it, and you can’t deny its importance. We read about it in books, blogs and magazines. It’s widely spoken about in conferences, training classes and by world renowned speakers. It plays a vital role in our day-to-day lives at work, with friends, family, romantic partners, and well, pretty much anyone we associate with.

 I’m talking about communication- and the repeated message we hear is: the key to successful relationships is “good communication”. Sounds simple, yet, so many people struggle with how to communicate effectively. 

 Stop overthinking, and take a more holistic approach to communication with a focus on honesty and good listening.

By applying honesty and good listening to your daily life conversations, you will not only reduce your stress, arguments, drama, anger and sleepless nights, you will finally experience rewarding and successful relationships with those you encounter. 

Ten Tips To Practicing Holistic Communication:

1.      Honesty-  “It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit” – Noel Coward.  Honesty, is at the foundation of good communication, and without it we cannot establish trust, respect and accountability. Some of us are more direct, while others like to sugar coat it, but no matter how the message gets out, it’s important to be honest. What are people so afraid of? Regardless, if the message is positive or negative, people have an issue with being honest. Stop overthinking the thoughts and feelings that come to your mind. Stop fearing it will come out incorrectly, or how the other person is going to respond.  Most importantly, stop saying one thing to a person’s face and then telling others something different. Practice honesty in your communication, and it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

2.      To Tech or Not to Tech- We are surrounded by social media, texting, IM and emailing….constantly connected with everyone, friends, family and strangers alike. Digital communication is hindering our ability to have good conversations in person. Not to mention, it can be stressful- with digital communication we are always waiting for the other person to respond…….. Remove this stressor and make an effort to speak either in person or via the phone, and you are guaranteed to get your answer a lot quicker! Stop texting about your feelings, anger, breakups, issues at work, etc. When we remove the opportunity for a two-sided dialogue and nonverbal communication (facial expressions and hand gestures), this leaves A LOT of room for miscommunication and uncertain emotions. Make an effort to have conversation in person, the phone or Skype, and you will solve a majority of your communication issues. 

3.      Ask Questions- The best way to practice being a good listener is to ask questions. A good conversation should be a balance of both parties listening, and asking questions. Have you ever noticed yourself thinking about what you are going to say before the person is done speaking? Or, the other person is asking the questions, and you are just talking about yourself the entire time. Show you care about what the other person has to say by asking questions- it is a humbling experience that will impress many.

4.      Pause and Please, Don’t Interrupt-  Say what’s on your mind, but pause before you speak. Too many of us overthink how we are going to say something, and are fearful we aren’t going to say it correctly. Remember to pause before you speak, and everything racing through your mind will come out smoother.  If it doesn’t come out the way you intended, and you fumble upon your words, at least feel good that you expressed yourself honestly. If you are listening to someone who is speaking, make sure to pause before you speak. Women are especially guilty of this one…when you are sitting around a table, one person talking, turns into five people talking, and the original person who was talking usually doesn’t even get to finish her story! Pausing after a person is done speaking, ensures they are done, and it shows them you were actually listening, rather than waiting for them to stop speaking so you could talk.

5.      Be in the moment- During conversations, I often notice people looking around, and being distracted by others. It is not only distracting for the person listening, but how can you really be in tuned to how you are honestly feeling when your eyes are constantly scanning the room? When having a face-to-face conversation, try to find a place with little distractions, and put all your other worries of the day on hold while you are speaking to someone. Listen intently to what they say, and respond accordingly.

6.      Understanding- Make sure you actually understand what the other person is saying to you. If you are confused, and don’t get it, just say so. Repeat back to the other person what they just said, and make sure that you actually get it. Since we all articulate thoughts differently, this leaves a lot of room for miscommunication. Sometimes we are too embarrassed to say we don’t understand, or to ask for someone to explain again or repeat themselves. Go back to number one, honesty, because if you say you get it, and your really have no idea, it can potentially cause problems in the long run.

7.      Encouraging- Since we all have picked up different communication habits along the way, both good and bad, you certainly can’t expect the person you are speaking to, to know it all. Sometimes, you need to guide others along during a conversation, and encourage them to speak. For example, I am very direct, to the point and honest. For many, this can be intimidating and shut them down. To reduce the fear, simply say, “I’d like to hear your opinion” or “What are your thoughts on that?”. This is an easy way to transition out of you speaking, and to give the other person the opportunity to say some words on the matter.

8.      Don’t React, Respond- Something that is very common for humans in general, is we tend to react, rather than try to understand the message the other person is trying to give. Speaking honestly doesn’t necessarily mean expressing anger by shouting, getting extremely emotional or being over-dramatic. You can still express your feelings, without the involvement of intense words or actions, and still get your message across. You actually may be more effective if you speak honestly, but with a firm sense of confidence in your words, rather than emotion. This goes back to pause before you speak- don’t react, respond. 

9.      Compassionate- Understand that as human beings, we are not perfect and many of us struggle with how to communicate what’s on our minds or how to get the right message across. Try to be compassionate towards those who are trying their best, and use encouragement and honesty to help others who are struggling to communicate effectively.  

10.  Forgiving- From time to time, we all say things we didn’t mean to say, although words can be extremely powerful, understand at times we tend to “react” in the moment. If someone says something that hurts you, or makes you angry, try not to “react”. Rather, be compassionate and understanding- you never know when a person is having a bad day, and you would only want others to treat you the same way if you were to “react” and say something you really didn’t’ mean.

To wrap it all up, you can see that a lot more goes into good communication than just the words we choose to use. As you go about your day-to-day interactions with people keep in mind these various factors that play a part in your communication. We are all at different levels when it comes to communicating and it takes time and being self-aware for you to continue making improvements. If you are already practicing honesty, and good listening skills that's great, but are you in the moment and are you forgiving? By implementing some of these new practices and taking a more holistic, honest approach to your communication style, conversing will become a heck of a lot more effective, and certainly less stressful.

As always, remember to Put the Purpose in the Coconut!

Toni M. Bubb, Professional Lover of Life (PLL)

www.coconutlife.org

Professional Lover of Life, Toni Bubb inspiring and empowering you to Live the Coconut Life, by bringing a little piece of the island to wherever you are!

The Coconut Life is a career and lifestyle inspiration platform providing you with the people and resources you need to Live The Coconut Life. We promote balance and harmony in your vocation, health, relationships, and spirituality - we aim to inspire and encourage you to seek and fulfill the calling God has placed in your heart.