Learn How to Drive Your Willpower

How badly do you want it?

Defined as “the control exerted to do something or to restrain impulses,” the word willpower represents a vast part of the human psyche. In fact, it’s involved in nearly every decision we face, whether it’s willing ourselves to do things we don’t necessarily want to - but know we need to, or resisting the temptations of the things we should do without.  

We often blame bad decisions on a lack of willpower. The diabetic who gives in at the dessert bar. The former smoker who lights up at the first sign of stress. Or the shopaholic who charges something else they don’t need just because it was on sale. Of course, it’s easier to blame this intangible concept over accepting responsibility but the truth is, that understanding the multiple facets that make up the power of will, makes it much easier to compartmentalize your decisions, act from a rational state over an emotional one, and ultimately, gain control over your actions.  

As I find it, there are five drives spanning the spectrum of willpower, that drives your every action, some based on imagination and others focused on reality. They include: 

Wish | Desire | Want | Need | Must

The 5 drives of Will Power:

• I wish - A dream for something possible or impossible. "I wish I was taller" "I wish I'd be a billionaire"
• I desire - A strong feeling of wanting to have something, regardless of it being right or wrong for me. "I desire that cake (although I am on diet)"
• I want - A strong or small desire for something, knowing it is right and good for me. "I want an upgraded car (but can live with mine)"
• I need - It is essential or important for me and my well-being rather than just desirable. I need a bed (but could sleep on the sofa if I had to)
• I must - An obligation by an outside force. "I must eat (or I'll starve to death)"

The mind is a mighty powerful tool, and a convincing one at that. Without diving deep into the exact terminology that represents your want, it’s easy to convince yourself that you need something that you might actually only desire. These terms are ordered by the level of impact they have on oneself, with desire being the least important, but often the hardest to resist. 

Deploy the Wheel of Willpower

To put this perspective into practice, let’s take an example of someone on a diet who passes a bakery with a delicious slice of cheesecake perched in the window, calling her name. Does she want it, or merely desire it? Must she eat it, or does she just wish that she could? Most people think these decisions are as black and white as want and need, which explains a tendency to just give in before thinking it fully through. She doesn’t “want” the cake, as she knows it’s off-limits. She merely desires it, perhaps as a result of wanting what she knows she can’t have. But, she can clearly rationalize that she doesn’t need or “must” have it, as that represents the highest command on the body. By broadening the scope of these decisions, you can keep yourself from abusing this command on something as trivial as cake.  

We tend to let instinctive desires, (usually seen as discarded physical attractions) define who we are, we convert them into "want" merely because we acted on it, and that in its turn ruins every hope for change. "This is what I want now" until further notice, or until I gain back control over myself and become a better person. Wrong. This is what your body desires, regardless of you giving in or not. It's not what you want, and you want better than that. You ARE better than that.

To take it a step further, it’s important to develop preset responses once you’ve categorized your decision. This internal monologue will help walk you through the choice to a successful end result. Draw a table with columns for each motive, and responses to each, based on a strong, soft, or weak mood at the time of action.  

For something you deem a ‘desire’, you might say to yourself, “I don’t actually want it, and I certainly don’t need it. Stay strong and focus on something else.” If, however, you decide to get it or do it anyway, admit to yourself that it was a desire too hard to resist, but definitely not something you actually wanted as a responsible person. This ownership of your rationale will help you avoid repeatedly caving in the future.  

Furthermore, when presented with a need, it’s possible to work backwards to identify all possible options, and make a decision based on what makes the most sense. Hint: It will often be the choice that falls in the middle. Let’s work through the real life example of Robert: 

• I must: get to work.  (Whether by car, foot, bus, etc.) 
• I need: a car. (To maximize time and efficiency to travel back and forth)
• I want: a Toyota. (It’s reliable and comfortable)
• I desire: a BMW. (It’s aspirational, I hope I’ll eventually make enough to afford one)
• I wish: a Lamborghini. (It would be amazing, but alas, it’s just a dream)

Running through the logistics of this scenario will keep Robert's energy away from the Lamborghini lot and focused on finding a happy medium in something that will address his need without breaking the bank.  

The lesson here is to start putting tags on everything you do in life. Did I do that out of desire? Or want? Is it something I need for survival? By realizing you don’t really “want” something after all has a powerful effect on the mind and gives you the additional willpower to resist the temptation, for the next time if not for this one. If you feel you HAVE to give in, repeat to yourself: I do NOT need this, I 'm a responsible person and I do NOT want this, I just feel the urge, can admit that I've given in, and will hopefully control that distinctive desire in the future..

Simply put: if you desire something but don’t want it, it doesn’t define you. If you want it, and chose it, it does. Put this plan into action and watch as your willpower suddenly soars!