Learn to feel comfortable saying NO

Learn to feel comfortable saying NO

Have you ever found yourself saying yes, when what you REALLY want to say is no??

For example:

A new task given by your manager that you just don’t have the bandwidth to do??

An unreasonable customer request??

A social event you have been invited to, and you would rather not attend??

How often do you think to yourself??

"I wish I had just said no"

"Why did I agree to this?"

“What was I thinking saying yes?”

You are not alone!?

Many fear saying no.?

It comes from "avoidance”, wanting to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of saying no, for fear of damaging the relationship, or of what people may think of you, or of missing out on something (FOMO).

So, we agree, and say yes.?

This happens because we don't have the ability / strength / will / courage / awareness or skill set to say no.

Here is the good news, learning to say “no” is like a muscle, we can build and exercise it.?With practice, we can get better at saying no, without feeling fear or guilt.?

Practicing saying no begins with understanding that when we say “yes” to avoid saying “no”, we’re still saying no.??

Yes, I’ll stay in to work late, is saying no to going home early. Yes, I will attend your social event, is a?no to whatever you would have done instead.?

So, by trying to avoid saying no you’re still saying no. When you can say no to option A, you can say yes to option B (which is what you really want)?

Next point to consider is that people will respect and trust you more for being honest and saying no. Saying no builds trust, because if I can trust your NO then I can trust your Yes.?

Here are three ways of saying no without actually saying no.??

1. Offer the next best alternative?

If you can’t give 10 but you can give 7, then emphasize I CAN DO?7. If you can’t deliver on Monday at 10am but you can deliver on Tuesday at noon then emphasize that.??

2. Say “yes if”?it’s a yes that comes with a condition

Something they can do to make it worth your while to say yes. If the customer will pay more, or will wait until next quarter, or will agree to push back a previous task, then yes, we can give them what they asked for.??

Now it's up to them, and you are not saying “no”.?

3. If/then

Similar to yes if, there is something that has to happen first that will enable a yes. This time it is a condition that doesn’t depend on you or the person asking. If there is time, or budget, or management approval then it’s a yes.

Is there anything else you can suggest to help you feel comfortable saying no?

Special thanks to Barry Katz and Yair Cohen for their insights