The Leaf in the Lounge: A Reflection on Perfectionism

"Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for perfectly acceptable." - Adam Grant

I was working in the lounge the other day and I became most intrigued with this winter-coloured oak leaf lying next to my feet. The leaf was beautiful, but quite obviously out of place. Or was it?

The topic of perfectionism is an interesting one. I have been told countless times by people within a coaching process that they are perfectionists. Most often the expression is couched in pride. How about you, do you consider yourself a perfectionist? And would this be a selling point for you within an interview process?

If we are talking about the absolute precision of the universe, then I get perfect. But otherwise, I’m not sure perfect is an interesting conversation. Whilst there are activities in life where perfect is a necessity, these are probably the exception. I certainly would like the surgeon and the pilot to be as close to perfect as possible. But perfect in most other areas is often limiting and wasteful.

Over the past two weeks, I have indulged in some Olympic therapy. As an avid rugby and soccer fan, it’s been refreshing to be reminded that there are some other equally enjoyable sports to watch out there. One thing I noticed whilst watching disciplines like gymnastics, swimming and athletics, was the common use of the word perfect. ‘That was a perfect display’, the commentator would say in a voice alive with admiration. Perfect – hmmm.

What’s wrong with perfect?

Perfect concludes.

If something is perfect, it probably implies we have reached the ceiling. Perfect can’t be done better. So don’t try. This perception stifles the growth mindset.

Perfect prevents.

If I must be perfect, how do I show up if I’m not sure I can live into that label? Well, I might not show up at all. How many books, paintings, talks, and products have never been heard/seen because perfect got in the way?

Perfect might not be beautiful.

Many years ago, I spoke at a men’s cell group. I prepared and I delivered what I considered a near-perfect speech. As I was leaving the event, I pondered my performance. As I did, I heard this gentle voice in me say, ‘Perfect but not beautiful.’ The talk lacked vulnerability. It lacked the ‘flawed beauty of my heart.’ People connect with each other when being perfect is no longer the game.

Perfect has the potential to belittle.

When you focus on being perfect, mistakes are not welcome. They become an enemy rather than a potential stepping stone for potential and improvement.

Perfect overwhelms.

When we strive for perfectionism, we will find ourselves overwhelmed with the feeling of not having enough time. To take something from 90% acceptable to 100% perfect is normally a giant step and a huge sacrifice. Do this often enough and you to will say proudly, ‘I am so busy.’

Being Perfect Vs. Perfectly Acceptable

The desire to show up and do great work is noble and necessary. But don’t define greatness by the absence of inadequacy. It’s the dirt, the struggle, the flaw, nestled in the genius, that often distinguishes great work. Aim to do perfectly acceptable, beautiful work. Know when the email is good enough, the workout good enough, the painting good enough, and then share this with your world. All the while maintaining a mindset of learning and growing.

Simone Biles of gymnastic fame helps me here. She does the most difficult routines on the gym floor with the acceptance that with such difficulty comes mistakes. She chooses difficulty and excellence ahead of perfection and most often, but not always, succeeds.

The Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi connects us to the notion that in life cracks and flaws will appear. This is not a matter of shame but rather a matter of beauty. Leaves will fall off the tree and land on the grass. They don’t necessarily need to be seen as making the garden untidy. They could be seen as a part of the garden and a representation of the beauty of our seasons. Yes, at some point in time, they might need to be picked up. And yet as they are, they are replaced by some more, which just reminds us that we cannot maintain a state of perceived perfection.

Finally, the purpose of CAFE Life was influenced and informed by that night many years ago. Our purpose ‘Is to bring healing and hope by showing the vulnerable beauty of my own heart.’

Note – beauty is not perfect.

Note – beauty is often found within the ‘leaves’ that are out of place.