Leading yourself through hard times: Using antifragility, self talk and compassion

The Camino is said to be a pilgrimage and each person, whether you are religious or not, will learn more of themselves and grow if they choose.?

My humble hair tie saved my Camino and showed me how to walk or even tolerate a hobble in life with more grace.?

I got back last week from walking the Portuguese Camino trail. 280 ish kms in 13 days.?

In my family, doing a walk like this is not such a great feat. My sister walked the French way, taking 38 days last year, and did it on her own. At the time I walked the Portuguese Camino she was walking the Inca Trail with her husband. My other sister was walking from Switzerland to Italy in 2 months with her partner. She is still on the trail and from her beaming face in the photos, she looks like she is having an amazing time.

Me, not so much. My photos have me wearing my raincoat, shielding my bag.?

They have lots of rain in them, dark skies and my memories are full of trying to get from Pharmacia to Pharmacia. Seeking more dressings, blister cushions and more pain killers.

Sure, there was stunning scenery, quaint villages and awesome food and wine. But it was the way I had to talk to myself to try to enjoy myself that will stick with me the most.

Bad planning?

We made some big mistakes in the planning. We factored road kms between each town as we sorted out how far we would travel each day. We didn’t check, what I would come to call, Camino Kilometres. How the Camino trail twisted and turned and how many hills we had to climb each leg. The rain and the Camino kms led to some miserable huge days of 30-40kms. Brad called it a frog march and some days, made fun of our early hours and destination focus and said “come on maggots”, mimicking some sergeant major in a movie he had watched sometime who had to bully/motivate the troops into doing something hard.?

From day one, the friends we were traveling with were faster than Brad and I.? Even when we had trained with them, they walked faster.?

My friends also we weren't carrying a pack with their 5 weeks of gear on their backs (they invited some friends to come with us, who had a car and so had their gear ferried from town to town). They also had a different motivation - they just wanted to get there.? It led to a feeling that I was ‘always behind’. This feeling was extremely uncomfortable.?

Day 2, I got shin splints, a cold sore on my lip and my right ankle swelled up. I developed a limp that would stay for the rest of the trip.?

Day 4, I held back tears and struggled halfway through the day. This was the day, I developed a blister on my right foot, my right hip started to ache, and we did over 40 km. It was hard and the only way I got through was Brad making me laugh. We even got lost and did an extra km when I let him navigate and as we were so tired, we doubled down on the strategies I reveal below so it bounced right off me.?

I realise I’ve already posted about my blister but I can’t talk about it again without sharing it once more. If you have a tape measure handy it stood out 2.5 cm on day 8 and it was a miracle it took til day 12 to pop. It also had its own pulse.?

Dramatic pause......

Day 5, the blister increased, and I got blisters on 4 toes and on the same spot on the left foot. Hobbling continued.

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Fast forward now to the morning of day 12, when my blister broke, and we had a late start to get to another Pharmacia for different types of dressings and antiseptic. Enter a new uncomfortable thought, “will my blister get infected’ as I do the last 32km.

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Day 13, the Camino was complete. Bitter sweet feelings once achieved. Where had the past 13 days gone and back to Pharmacia for more dressings and a search for thongs or any shoes that don’t rub.

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The learnings from the walk continue.

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The strategy.

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I was comparing myself to others, was deeply disappointed with my body, telling myself I wasn’t tough enough and disgruntled with those I was walking with.

Wasn't this a holiday and wasn't I supposed to be enjoying this?

The Camino had been on my bucket list for 15 years so to say there was high expectations was understatement.?

I was aware on day 4 that the walk wasn’t going well for me, and I was the only one to change that.?

Each time I had a negative thought about myself or others, I would twang my hair tie in my wrist.

It worked straight away.?

It seemed to shift the invisible thought and heavy feeling into a tangible shock and my mind could then pivot.?

My self-talk changed and so did my trip.

Talking to my cells- making them anti-fragile.?

We became anti-fragile. Meaning we told ourselves that the stress was making us stronger, and it did.?

We would tell ourselves that our aching legs and pain was our cells getting stronger.?

The swollen ankles were an indication of healing fluid that was again building me up.?

The aching legs was just more blood to the muscles, building them up stronger.?

The blister was the skin getting tougher to deal with the kms.?

We told each other out loud we were getting stronger by the km.?

I spoke lovingly to the cells that were in pain like I would to a hurt child. I told them they were doing well. I even sent love to them.?

I sent love to the part of my that felt betrayed by the Camino that it sent me bad weather.?

It helped to disconnect me from the pain and accept it as part of the walk. Instead of blaming myself for not being able to sail through it as I had envisioned in my head.?

If....then

Twanging my hair tie in my wrist was the pivot point in my journey and you can this same strategy work for you.?

1. Think of something you want to be more aware of and change.?

What you want to change could be: saying Yes to too many things. It could be when you notice your voice is too sharp to others or yourself or you want to listen more to others and be present.?

2. Then you need to decide what to do instead.?

Other times when helping leaders change their behaviour, we call this strategy? If..then.

If this happens then I will do that.?

Plan it out.?

Put on the rubber band or hair tie.?

Flick away and shift your perspective.?

It may save your holiday, like it did mine or it may improve a relationship at home or work (like it did mine).

Have you used a strategy like this before?

Warmly,

Michelle

P.S. Life is short and its EOFY.

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