Leading in Work and Life

“How do you manage everything with three young kids?”

The simple answer is—I don’t.?

I have to make choices and prioritize. All leaders do. It’s one of the core concepts that must be grasped to navigate the dichotomy between work and life.?

I give myself the flexibility to shift routines, which took me years to learn through many mistakes. Managing everything isn’t an option.?

We must learn to say ‘No’ to say ‘Yes.’

To be realistic, I don’t encourage always saying ‘No’ to professional responsibilities and priorities to be ever-present in personal life.

Life is more complex than that—we must be able to operate within the nuance and make decisions based on the situation and context.

Which brings me to the broad rule I try to follow:

The ‘More Often Than Not’ Principle—

More often than not:

• I’m home for dinner
• I show up to baseball, dance, etc.
• I disconnect when we’re on vacation
• I put the kids to bed and read books to them
• I say yes to my kid’s requests to spend time with me
• I take time off when there are special trips or activities
• I leave my phone in the office when I’m done for the day

And there are plenty of ‘sometimes’ on the other side of ‘more often than not’ that I can’t or don’t do those things.

I’ve missed games, first days of school, etc.—but more often than not, I prioritize showing up for those who matter most and allowing myself grace when I don’t.?

Work-life harmony is just that—something intended to sustain adjustments with fluidity. In many cases, it means just going with the flow of what is.

At the end of the day, I give myself this reminder:

Only my wife and kids will remember that I worked late.

Nobody else will care. So, that’s an active choice we must make.

We have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what we’re willing to say ‘No’ to and what we’re willing to sacrifice.

In my case, I will often give up some professional edge to be there for my family.?

But here’s the thing about “sacrifice:” The stories we tell ourselves are often amplified, distorted versions of reality.?

Perhaps we miss a dinner with our family for a late meeting or networking event. Or, vice versa, we miss a networking or community event because we want to be home for dinner with our family.?

Either way—so what? When we view life through a lens of iterative adjustments and flexibility, we can operate within the flux because we know that we’re showing up more often than we aren’t.

Showing up isn’t in the grand gestures. It’s in the little things—small, iterative moments. Don’t think that to show up, you have to impact your career drastically.

It’s not one OR the other; it’s one AND the other.?

Sometimes, that requires others to keep us accountable.

One evening, I asked my wife, “Who’s putting the kids to bed?” (as I was prepping for a Board meeting the next day)

Her response:

“I’ve been mommin’ the sh*t out of this mom thing all day, you’re up!”

Funny, and her lighthearted reminder and way of saying, “This is your time to show up.”

If there’s one concept I’d encourage about this topic, it’s acceptance.

Accept that we are human and will make mistakes in all aspects of our lives—and that’s okay.

Accept that we will miss some things in life due to the need to prioritize our careers—and that’s okay.

Accept that there is no perfect balance, and there’s often a flux in routines and priorities—and that’s okay.

Accept that there will be busy seasons where we must let go of certain expectations—and that’s okay.

Accept that our family and personal lives must often take priority over work—and that’s okay.

But never accept the following:

• that we’re not enough because we feel stretched
• that we’re incapable of constant adjustments
• that the valleys won’t turn back into peaks
• that if we miss something, we’re a failure
• that we’re not allowed to say ‘No.’

Accept that you’re doing your best AND can learn and improve.

When we make a mistake or feel like we didn’t show up, the most critical judgment always comes from ourselves.?

Remember (to learn), but don’t dwell.?

Keep a principled intent to navigate the dichotomy, and accept that sometimes intent must change.

Work-life harmony is not something you do; it’s a mindset and perspective. It’s the capacity to see life a bit differently.

Shift how you look at your dynamic, whatever the circumstances, and show up where you know you’re needed…

…more often than not.

PS… here are three reflective questions I used to help navigate priorities,?explained in a podcast with James Clear here:

• What am I optimizing for?
• What season am I in—are my priorities aligned with this?
• Can my current habits carry me to my desired future—do they reflect what I’m optimizing for?

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I also offer leadership coaching. My focus is helping people lead with who they are, aligning decisions, actions, and behaviors with values and principles. If you are interested, you can schedule a free consultation here.

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