Leading Ways: Resilience

Resilience. It may have become a bit overdone. In fact, a recent New York Times article on the phenomena was titled, “The profound emptiness of ‘resilience’” pointed out how over-used the concept may have become, losing its vital meaning. Nonetheless, bad things happen to good people and some seem to adjust easier than others. When our stress response to the inevitably changing world seems to be about to swap us it is important to remember that this adaptability is something that can be learned and improved upon, even if some people seem to have a good “natural” skill set around this most endemic of life challenges.  

Here are some things that can help when the level of change may seem to be too much.  

Understand the problem or challenge and do not let it become too much- Humans do not like dark and dangerous places where the unknown lurks. It is important to air out these challenges and involve others so that we do not lose all perspective. Even if the problem is impossibly hard, giving it a name and some rational analysis will help keep it in perspective. Your interpretation of what has happened or more often than not, might possibly happen, is almost always worse than the stark reality.  

Identify and gather your resources - You may not have all of the internal and external resources to solve this problem right away. But you almost always have more at your disposal than you think.  Think about times when you have faced other situations like this. How did you pull through? What in your character helps these problems be met? What are the external resources you can call upon to help you frame the issue and then respond? Who do you know has faced similar challenges?  

Build relationships – This is best done in a preventative way before a stressful situation arises.  How can you make, sustain and build connections to others that can help you get a true assessment of the situation, not just your negative downward spiral? How might the resources of others help you address the situation? Relationships in your professional and personal life are both important to developing a resilient capacity to cope. Connecting to individuals, groups, and organizations beyond your usual connections leaves you feeling and being more efficacious. Relationships are not one way and as you reach out to others in need, not only will the tie be strengthened, but also you will be more resilient because you reached out.  

Accept change - Life is impermanent. Things pass and things change. Ben Franklin reminded us  that “When you are finished changing, you’re finished.” Engaging the world, accepting what is beyond your capacity to influence, and accepting the change with grace brings peace of mind that is an essential part of resilience. 

Take action – Not everything can be changed, but that does not mean you should stop being engaged. Identify goals that can be achieved and may contribute to longer-term goals, some of which may be beyond your reach. Doing things leaves us with a rewarding sense of agency and this will make us more capable of dealing with the uncertainty. Besides if you are actively engaged doing,  there will less time for dither, idle hands, and all of that.  

Develop yourself - People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, a greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, an increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, and a heightened appreciation for life. 

Be positive, have gratitude, and be hopeful – This can be a challenging place to get to if things have become hard, but it can be enhanced by consistent practice. People learn to be negative, lack gratitude, and lose hope, practice can move you out of this. For a positive attitude just monitor your interactions over the course of a day. Reflect after each individual or group encounter and ask yourself, “was I as positive as I could be in this interaction?” You might even ask others that you are close to if you come across as positive in most instances? It is a very old trick but meditating for  even a minute or two a day on things you are grateful for can begin to turn your attitude. Finally, there is almost always hope in any situation, but we cover it up with despair. Try finding it and holding it up even in the face of adversity. 

Remember your body – Your physical well-being is also an essential part of coping. What is your best pattern for sleep, exercise, and diet, and are you giving these the time and thought they need?  Take time to yourself or with others if that gives you joy. Do activities that bring you pleasure. Be assured that the return on an hour invested in you will be greater than that twelfth hour of work. 

All of these will leave you more resilient.