Leading Through Very Difficult Times

It was a fantastic day.

I was the keynote speaker for over 350 women at a women's event called Living & Leading With Purpose. My keynote was "Live Your Legacy"and I had poured my heart and soul into delivering meaningful content for the attendees. I was on top of the world enjoying an amazing morning.

My mom (my cheerleader and number one fan), husband (a brave soul in a sea of women), and daughter (a gifted young woman) were there. Mom had purchased a beautiful sparkle jacket to wear for the occasion. I had not told Mom and our daughter ahead of time, but I recognized them both during my keynote and talked about the impact they had in my life. I could barely look at Mom for fear of faltering as I spoke because she was crying tears of joy, pride and deep connection.

During the event, Mom and I shared many hugs, photos and memories. I told her she was beautiful and I was so glad she had come. She was beaming. She loved the event, the women and the time we had spent together. After one last hug, she headed out to embrace the rest of her day. I can still remember watching her as she left the building. It would be the last time I would ever see her. One day later she died - instantly and unexpectedly.

In 36 hours I had gone from a mountain top celebration moment to an unbelievable personal loss.

I had gone from deep bonding with a large group of women to police lights and an ambulance that would leave my Father's home with no one to take to the hospital. I knew that as I dealt with this great sorrow, others would watch my response and that my leadership in this hard time might be the most important of all.

The loss is still very recent and I will never be the same, but I am learning in this journey. I have the comfort of knowing I will see Mom again. In the meantime, I still have a purpose here. People to serve and love. Goals to reach. Messages to share. Family to care for. As I begin to sort out this journey one step at a time, here are a few of my early takeaways:

• Leaders cannot lead without others. It is important to reach out and welcome assistance. I was devastated by the loss of my Mom. The continued outpouring of support from those around me has been a priceless gift. When people asked how they could help or told me to call, I asked for them to write the information down so I wouldn't forget. And I have called, gone for "coffee" and reached out. I haven't tried to "handle" everything myself. I can't and I shouldn't. Trying to handle everything alone in my deep grief would not work well. My memory is hampered. My sleep is limited. And I have been heavily stretched. The people around me have helped carry me through this dark hour. I am so grateful for them.
• Unexpected events can heavily impact goals. We need to give ourselves grace to alter the plans even if we keep the goals. One of my major 2020 goals was to streamline my personal and business life. Clean through paperwork, laser focus on clarity, maximize my time usage, etc. I was making great strides toward that goal until Mom died. She was an extraordinary and organized woman but also a huge "saver". I am looking at months, if not years, to help my Dad dig out and organize in a way that makes sense for him while also helping him handle the many large commitments he and Mom shared. I had to decide if I was going to let the massive effort ahead of me demoralize me and make me give up on my own goals. I realized I needed to give myself some grace. I couldn't control what happened but it has altered what my days look like for a long time to come. So I have kept the same goal but am just adjusting the plan to get there. This challenging season has forced me to become even more critical of my time and choices. I will celebrate any and all small steps forward.
• Finding thankfulness even in times of deep struggle is a balm to the soul. Early on, I made a list of many of the unexpected things that were occurring because of my grief... things thrown away that shouldn't be, passwords forgotten that I had used hundreds of times, putting an item in the refrigerator when it was supposed to go in the cupboard, etc. Then I made a list of things I could be thankful for ... the final photos with Mom taken the last time I saw her, deep visits and time with Dad and family as we talked about Mom, the outpouring of support I have seen, the stories I have heard from strangers whose lives were changed by Mom's time in their lives... I have those thankfulness thoughts posted where I can see them even as I write this. They give me courage to go on. They remind me that we choose the legacy we live every day. We choose how we respond to the things in our lives - even those out of our control.

I am thankful for Mom. She taught me so much. She believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. She truly loved others. No one was a stranger. Hugs were a given in Mom's world - even if she had never met you before. If we would all lead through love, a hug and an encouraging word as Mom did, imagine the impact. Every day is a gift. She understood that truth and lived her legacy every day. I know that I will continue to learn as I face this new reality. May we all focus on the great and live our lives to the fullest each and every day. May we live, give and love deeply. These difficult days are a gift to remind me to focus on what is important. May we all take time to treasure what matters most in our lives. The days go by all too quickly.