Leading With Small?Talk

Surprising Result From Recent Workplace Research Is Leading Managers To New Strategies

More than a few times I have written about the need to curb what I call Meeting Culture at companies. The rise of meetings in corporate life, I believe, has stifled productivity and created an arena for competition over how good you are at meeting etiquette, presenting, or facilitating.

It’s gotten so bad that there are meetings about meetings.

When are people supposed to do the work when they are constantly being asked to talk about the work rather than get it done?

In the post-pandemic workplace, the rules are being re-written and it turns out that meetings may have new value that I would have never expected.

But like many new norms in business today leaders need to adapt so that the changing needs of the people that they manage are integrated into the culture.

Please No More Meetings!

I was sitting there reading a case study of an employee survey when I saw what I thought was a typo. I rubbed my eyes and started digging into the details of a large survey (500+ respondents) at a well-known national corporation in the finance sector.

The survey shared insights from a recent staff survey. Up to the point I saw that bizarre data point the bulk of the responses to the survey were textbook. That is, until I saw the one thing that I never expected because it was counter to everything I knew about meetings.

The question was something like:

“What would you like to see more of?”

I assumed the responses might include things like better pay, more recognition, more opportunities for advancement, or maybe more support for continued education. But I was wrong, and the answer did not make sense: what people from that survey wanted was more meetings.

More of the very thing employees everywhere have been saying for decades they want less of. How could this possibly be true? It instantly got my attention and curiosity. So I dug deeper into the survey with keen interest determined to find some fault in the data.

This Can’t be?Right

As difficult as it is to imagine, there it was in front of me. The people at this highly respected organization which was as meeting heavy as any were saying they wanted more.

But I soon discovered what was an important distinction in terms of what type of meetings people wanted as well as the reason why they wanted them.

The clue to solving this bizarre survey result came to me a bit later. That’s when a subsequent question asked:

“How would you describe our company culture?”

A word cloud (example below?—?not the actual word cloud used) was used to show the employees' answers to this question. In it, positive words like friendly and inclusive were larger, which means that they were more frequently used by respondents. But those positive words were overshadowing words like disconnected, isolated, and siloed tucked away in small text.

There it was: the unexpected truth that as much as no one wanted more of them, respondents saw meetings as a way to diminish feelings of isolation. Something people despise even more than meetings.

But more meetings were not the whole answer. They wanted better meetings that more effectively foster relationship-building, collaboration, and an inclusive company culture.

The Downside to Remote?Work

I sent a message to a friend who works at the firm that did the survey and who had sent it to me and asked him if he knew the percentage of people working fully remote or hybrid now versus pre-pandemic. He responded that currently, ~82% of their staff works remotely or hybrid versus less than 2% pre-pandemic.

This was the reason behind the shocking result. People were feeling disconnected and isolated because they were no longer connecting with the people they worked with.

While the company continued a regular raft of weekly meetings they were virtual. In-person meetings had a benefit I hadn’t considered; it gave people a chance to connect with coworkers on a personal level.

Think about it; in a virtual meeting the agenda is tight, and people are often only connected once the host arrives so there isn’t the 5–10 mins before a start when those waiting make small talk. Moreover, something about the virtual meeting format makes us feel like we are talking to everyone on the video conference instead of to a single person with whom we had previously shared things about ourselves.

For these reasons, a virtual meeting was not able to replicate the fringe benefits of being able to establish and maintain peer-to-peer communication. Something quite important when you unpack it a little further.

A Different Sort of?Meeting

Of course, this has huge implications for morale and productivity when people are expressing unhappiness. This means as leaders we need to begin looking at meetings differently and structuring them differently. We need to find a way to replace the chance for people on the team to connect.

I’m not suggesting meetings should be an all-out social fest there are a few key components to getting virtual meetings right that managers often get wrong that can help prevent staff from feeling as though they are working on an island.

Small Talk Creates Connection

As much as I love a deep dive into a meaty work topic, you need the foundation of a positive relationship with others in order for all participants in a discussion to fully engage. And you can’t get there without first building rapport. And to do that, you need to start by getting to know someone by engaging in small talk.

What we feel comfortable sharing with others is determined by the sort of relationship we have built with them. We build upon relationships, which in time strengthen. Eventually, through these interactions, we deepen our relationships with others. This is the stage where real trust and mutual respect can emerge.

So no matter how much you might dislike small talk, it’s the starting point of virtually every relationship.

In a fully remote environment, meetings are one of the few opportunities for water cooler conversations, and as the study I mentioned showed remote staff crave these interactions too. Without small talk at the start of a meeting, building meaningful relationships becomes difficult and staff begin to feel isolated.

So baking small talk into meetings is a good starting point to get things on track. But there’s also a way to get it right so conversations flow.

Small Talk Starts With?You

Well-intended managers often try to get staff to talk but fail miserably getting little response beyond crickets. The problem is that many often try to get personal by asking others about themselves, their weekends, and whatnot while remaining tightlipped about their own lives. But communication is not a one-way street.

Instead of that awkward way Managers try to get employees to talk at the beginning of a meeting by asking a question cold right off the bat there is a better way. Managers need to kick things off and share personal insights and anecdotes if they expect others to do the same.

The best way of doing this without crickets is by being the first to get personal. This sets the stage by talking about themselves first. This opens it up for others to share something also

People need to see that it’s OK to talk about themselves, their interests, and their lives outside of work. But if managers and higher-ups don’t do this, then it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.

Sharing Is?Caring

Meetings are an opportunity for staff to stay in the loop, and feel confident there isn’t some bad news about to drop in on them and employees build relationships with coworkers by sharing personal anecdotes.

That can only happen if managers are willing to be forthcoming with information both business-related and personal.

Organizational secrecy is common, and it’s a sure-fire way to further separate you and a siloed staff. Likewise, managers are often reticent to share personal stories for fear of making themselves look weak or because they think it’s stealing the limelight.

However, sharing personal stories in this setting is a way to show people at the end of the day you have a personal life that is much like theirs. And being as transparent as possible about things going on behind the scenes allows staff to relax knowing what is going on is not as bad as they may have imagined.

There’s a tendency among management to think that what others don’t know won’t hurt them. But no matter how well you think you’ve perfected the art of tiptoeing around, you’re likely not as good at it as you may think. Your staff watches you almost nonstop.

Don’t think that when you become tight-lipped or act different they won’t get suspicious.

Whether or not you leave them to craft their own theories about what may be happening (which are likely more elaborate and worrisome), it makes people feel disconnected and makes your work environment feel less open and comfortable.

What’s the?Point?

Businesses that approach meetings more intentionally reap significant benefits, not only in terms of employee well-being and overall satisfaction but also in regards to helping staff more effortlessly produce higher-quality work.

So next time you’re planning a meeting, bake in some time to socialize, and be sure that you set the stage by sharing first.