Leading with "AND" (Part 4 - Lessons from Coaching Youth Sports)

Many of us are more capable than some of us, but none of us is as capable as all of us.

- Tom Wilson, cartoonist

On my first day coaching the North Toronto Minor Bantam ‘AA’ Hockey Team, I called a team meeting and wrote the following on the blackboard “TEAM= Together Everyone Achieves More”. As you would expect (as I did) the typical rolls of the eyes and snickering from preening teenage boys (and one girl). I told them that the theme for this year is simple: The team will thrive if you all adhere to this adage. When we look out for one another, we all win in the end.

You see, it has been my experience that in order to maximize productivity, effectiveness, and enjoyment out of any endeavor in life, one needs to be able to truly share any experience with others. So-called ‘wins’ are so much sweeter and more meaningful when it is a shared experience. The pain of a ‘loss’ is eased somewhat by the comfort of others and by sharing the burden of the disappointment with teammates, fellow employees, family members, and caring friends who provide the proverbial shoulder to cry on.

This is also part of the “Power" of Leading with "AND”. Teenagers are inherently selfish. It is part of the maturation process and they are going through an awkward, hormonal, and anxiety-ridden self-discovery. It’s not natural at this stage for them to think of others first as it is all about them and their feelings, their activities, their needs, and desires. However, coaching those who are moving through this tender age and cycle, I felt a responsibility to help them understand how to think of others and show them the benefits. This would hopefully lead them to open up a bit more, be more thoughtful and magnanimous in the team setting, and well into their future.

There were a few tactics we used:

·       We never kept individual statistics – we constantly reminded the team that it didn't matter who scored or not, the fact of the matter is that the team gets credited for the goal for or goal against on the scoreboard

·       Over time, it became abundantly clear what each player’s strengths and developmentals were. We accentuated the strengths and ensured they understood their role on the team. We also ensured everyone knew what everyone else’s roles were as well

·       We gave out praise after each game for the player who worked the hardest and had the biggest impact on / set the best example in the game (not necessarily on the scoresheet)

·       The goals for the team were developed by the players and constantly tracked to provide additional motivation

·       We always created nicknames for each player which represented something unique about them. While some may have seemed silly at the time, most grew to love them and use them away from the team and to this day. It helped mold an identity for each player to use in the team setting – almost like an initiation/invitation to a special club

·       We only tolerated positive comments on the bench and in the dressing room amongst teammates. They were to remain supportive of each other no matter what the circumstances were – win, lose, draw, mistakes, penalties. I don’t believe we were ever (over the course of 25+ years of coaching) successful at fully eradicating this practice, but we were around 80% effective

·       We focused relentlessly on the uniqueness of this team (each team in any particular year has a unique dynamic – even the same players are different year to year). We also reminded the team that they are making memories that last a lifetime if they are lucky and smart about how they approach the season and their teammates

·       We also made sure that you treated others the way they wanted to be treated – the so-called “Platinum Rule”. The Golden Rule does not apply any longer as being treated the way you want to be treated is not fair, a tad self-serving, and more myopic. Different teammates needed to be treated in different ways in order to maximize their effort and energy: Separate but always equal. There were no favorites – but each individual is motivated by different things and the key is to find the unlock to that code, celebrating that diversity along the way

When you throw 15-18 teenagers together and try and mold a single unit out of them it didn’t always work perfectly due to the human condition and sometimes they just won’t gel regardless of what you try.

However, not to bury the lead, but in the end, the power of "AND" is in the combination of skill sets, personalities, and experiences of the individuals brought together. The more diversity and sociability you can create, couple that with a bit of pressure to perform and you have a secret recipe for collective strength overcoming individual achievement. The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts in many facets of life – "AND" becomes the glue that binds great teams together: "OR" can tear them apart (See Part 3).

The final point is regarding how the game is taught and played whether it is hockey or soccer or any fast-paced, constantly moving sport. We subscribed to the “Read and React” method of coaching. This may have been formalized and made famous by Dave King, a long-time professional hockey coach who was as cerebral as you will find and developed drills and training to help hockey players develop read and react skill sets.

Read and React essentially means you build up encyclopedic knowledge, muscle memory, and instinct in terms of situations that you encounter on any shift in any game. You are then ‘wired’ to read a situation and react accordingly by making the right adjustments, moves, and decisions often in split seconds. A lot of these decisions are based on the support and positioning of your teammates, the time in the game, the score, the positioning of the other team, including their goalie – tons to think about in that moment. It is the dependencies and support that each member on the ice needs to read and react to. The true power of "AND".

All of these philosophies can be brought to bear in the corporate setting and they are tantamount now more than ever in this remote (soon-to-be) hybrid model of working together. Leading with "AND" should be one of your guiding principles as you move into the Post COVID era of teamwork.

Lloyd A. Perlmutter is Founder/President of Veritas Advisory, LLC and has been leading and advising organizations for over 35 years. Call 248-794-9673 to have a meaningful and powerful conversation.