Leading with kindness - and why it matters

Traditional leadership, much like parenting, centres on rules, discipline, power and a smidge of fear. It’s issuing instructions and expecting them to be followed to the letter. I like to think that the world has moved on from traditional leadership, and a new style has emerged.

Leading with kindness is showing vulnerability, empathy and compassion. It doesn’t mean that you let things slip. You still have standards and hold people to account, but in the process, you’re treating your employees as people, prioritising them as humans first and respecting what they bring to the table.

Kindness in any form should be non-negotiable. That’s why modern leaders need to look at incorporating kindness into their working practices and leading with the carrot, not the stick.

Ruling with an iron fist

If we rewind 20 years, the perception was of a top-down hierarchy. At the top was the stern leader, who sat in their ivory tower dishing out orders that had to be followed. This type of leadership prioritised that person’s control, decision-making and authority. The priority was the business and employees were made to feel they had to accept this and make sacrifices accordingly.

Over time there’s been a recognition that other styles of leadership exist. Don’t get me wrong, there are still people out there who embody traditional leadership and for some businesses that works. Generally speaking, however, that type of authoritative leadership isn’t what employees expect or are willing to tolerate anymore.

Leading with kindness

One type of leadership that’s evolved over the years, is leading with kindness.

When Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand was asked how she wanted people to remember her time in office, she replied “As someone who always tried to be kind.” Kindness is making its mark in modern society, and it’s about time.

Previously, kindness in leadership was viewed as a weakness. If you were kind you’d be taken advantage of. The reality couldn’t be further from that preconceived notion. Kindness in leadership is a strength, it requires integrity, honesty, compassion, empathy and vulnerability. All traits that great leaders have.

Leading with kindness doesn’t mean you should lower your standards. You can still hold people to account, it all comes down to how you approach it. Instead of summoning that individual to your office or humiliating them in front of their peers which is how it might have been done under traditional leadership, you can have a quiet conversation to uncover the truth and help them learn from their mistakes.

Kindness comes down to treating people like humans, recognising that there might be things happening in their personal lives impacting their work and that we all make mistakes, it’s how we learn, grow and approach new challenges that matters.

The power of soft skills in leadership

With the dynamics of leadership changing over the years, soft skills have risen in importance. Rising through the ranks in the workplace used to be down to tenure, experience and a solid dash of who you know. There was no thought or training around how to be a leader, you were simply told you were one.

Nowadays thankfully that’s changed. There’s recognition that we might need help to be the best leaders possible and there’s also an appreciation of different ways to be a leader. At the forefront of that is an understanding of the importance of soft skills.

When we talk about soft skills we’re talking about communication, empathy, adaptability, emotional intelligence….kindness.

Employees have had enough of being berated, and with the rise of social media, are able to air, rightly or wrongly, their grievances in public. Making it even more important for leaders to embody qualities such as kindness to engage, retain and motivate their teams to succeed.

How to bring kindness into your leadership style

Kindness comes more naturally to some than others. As humans, we’re all innately kind - it’s hard wired into our DNA. The amazing thing about kindness though is that it’s infectious, no matter how hard we try to ignore it, if someone shows us kindness we’re more likely to pass it on.

A study found that people who were treated with kindness at work were 278% more likely to be kind to their co-workers. That’s why kindness is so powerful, you share a little bit and it grows and blooms creating a culture where people respect each other, making people want to spend more time there and put in that bit of extra effort when needed.

Kindness isn’t a weakness, it’s a superpower.

There are some easy ways that you can bring kindness into your leadership style.

Communication

The easiest starting point is with your communication. You need to be upfront and honest and have clear expectations. That includes when it comes to having those difficult conversations. It’s easier to nip things in the bud quickly. The longer you ignore something thinking that it‘s being kind, [NA1]?the more damage it can do. It’s better to tell them and deal with it otherwise it will fester and turn into a bigger problem later on.

Curiosity

Finding out what makes your team tick, what interests them, what they care about, what they think about different topics can help you gain a better understanding of the people you work with.

Asking questions and showing a genuine interest lets people know that you care about them on a human level, not just an employer/employee one. It may also make your employees more willing to open up if there is something on their mind.

Respect

This is perhaps the cornerstone of kindness - respect. When you trust your team and you respect their time, emotions and commitment you’ll find that kindness thrives. Your team is more likely to give extra back and go the extra mile if they know that they aren’t expected to.

Gratitude

When was the last time you recognised achievement? Not necessarily big milestones, but small everyday successes that might otherwise fly under the radar? Noticing when someone does something and saying thank you is such a powerful strategy as a leader, but one that’s so easy to overlook. Kindness is all about caring and compassion, gratitude plays into that perfectly.

We don’t always bring kindness into the workplace. Stress, deadlines and pressure can make it difficult to find the time to demonstrate kindness. It’s something we need to consciously make time for though - an email to thank a colleague for doing something for you, an extra question in a meeting to ask about how someone’s weekend was or ask how their children are doing. These type of things don’t take long, they just require a bit of thought and effort.

At Ambition we live and breathe our PRIDE values and encourage everyone to recognise their peers for going above and beyond in their day to day work.

If you consciously bring kindness into your working environment over time you’ll find yourself leaning into it further and that will make you a stronger, more impactful leader.

So my challenge to you now is, how are you going to be kinder today?