Leading Friends: The First Time Manager Challenge & How Not To Fail

You've worked smart and performed well; then you get awarded with a promotion and the chance to lead your own team as a manager. Ever found yourself suddenly in charge of your friends at work? It’s like being asked to lead a dance you’ve only ever joined in on. This jump from "being one of the gang to the one calling the shots" isn't just a regular career move; it’s a whole new ballgame. But how do you ace this new role without stumbling? How do you avoid failing?

Imagine a scene where yesterday's team player is today's team leader. The setting is familiar, but the role is new. You used to share laughs and coffee breaks, but now there's a subtle shift. Conversations that were once laid-back are now a bit more formal. You find yourself balancing maintaining friendships while wearing the leader’s hat. It’s tricky, like juggling while learning to skateboard.

I remember my supervisors, not only department heads but also C-level executives, telling me that being a leader can sometimes be lonely. This is something you need to manage to succeed, especially when your team was mostly your friends or peers not long ago. Stepping up to lead your friends is more than just getting a fancy title. It involves a whole new way of thinking and acting.

Transforming Friendships

Moving from a colleague to a leader of friends involves redefining personal and professional relationships. As Adam Grant, author of "Give and Take," suggests, successful leaders balance warmth with competence. They maintain friendly relationships but also establish their credibility as leaders. This balance is essential in transforming friendships in the workplace. It's about showing that while the nature of the relationship has changed, the respect and regard for the team member as an individual remain. Leaders need to find new ways to connect with their team that don't solely rely on the previous dynamics of friendship. This might involve more structured one-on-one meetings, transparent communication about team goals, and a clear separation between work-related and personal interactions.

Establishing New Boundaries

This is crucial in any leadership role, especially when leading former peers. Management expert Michael D. Watkins, author of "The First 90 Days," emphasizes the importance of establishing these boundaries early on. New leaders should communicate their role and responsibilities clearly to their team, highlighting how their relationship and interactions might change. It's about creating a balance where team members feel comfortable approaching the leader with work issues but also respect the leader’s position and decision-making authority. This includes being mindful about not engaging in gossip, maintaining professionalism in social settings, and being fair and impartial when making decisions that affect the team.

Earning Respect

Simon Sinek, author of "Leaders Eat Last," points out that respect as a leader is earned through actions, not titles. New leaders earn respect by showing that they are capable and committed to the team's success. This involves being transparent in decision-making, showing integrity in actions, and being willing to roll up their sleeves and work alongside the team when needed. It also means being accountable for mistakes and learning from them. Respect is built over time through consistent, fair, and ethical behavior. Leaders who earn respect show they care about their team members not just as employees, but as individuals with their own aspirations and challenges.

Key Principles for First-Time Leaders

When stepping into a leadership role, especially when leading friends or former peers, it’s important to remember some key principles. Think of these as tools to help you navigate the new responsibilities and relationships you'll encounter. Here are the five simple yet powerful points to keep in mind:

1. Be Empathetic: Put yourself in the shoes of your team members. Think about how you would feel if you were them. This means understanding their feelings and viewpoints. When you make decisions, consider how these decisions will affect your team.
2. Be Communicative: Keep talking to your team openly and honestly. Good communication is like a map that guides everyone. It helps in understanding each other better and solving problems quickly. Make sure you listen as much as you talk. It's a two-way street.
3. Be Fair: Treat everyone in your team the same way. Don’t play favorites. Being fair means making decisions that are right for everyone, not just for some people. When your team sees you are fair, they will trust you more.
4. Be a Learner: Always be ready to learn new things. Leading a team is a journey where you keep growing and improving. Learn from your experiences, from your team, and even from your mistakes. This helps you become a better leader.
5. Be an Example: Show your team how to do things the right way by doing them yourself. Be the kind of person you want your team members to be. When you act well and make good decisions, your team is likely to follow your example.

If you're on the verge of stepping into a leadership role among your friends or colleagues, or if you're aspiring to such a position, it's important to pause and reflect on the journey ahead. Leading a team of peers presents unique challenges and opportunities, blending the familiarity of friendship with the dynamics of professional leadership. It requires a delicate balance between maintaining personal relationships and establishing your authority as a leader.

This transition will test your ability to navigate complex interpersonal dynamics while steering the team toward shared goals. Consider how your actions, words, and decisions will influence not only the productivity and morale of your team but also the essence of your existing friendships. Embracing this role demands not just managerial skills but also emotional intelligence, fairness, and a deep understanding of the nuances of human relationships in a professional setting.

Practical Tips for the First Two Months

1. Build Trust with Transparency: Be clear about your actions and intentions.
2. Seek and Value Feedback: Encourage your team to share their thoughts and listen to them.
3. Focus on Team Growth: Invest in your team’s development as much as your own.
4. Manage Conflicts with Care: Approach disagreements with fairness and understanding.
5. Stay Humble: Remember your roots and the qualities you admired in a leader.

Leadership might seem like it’s all about being in control, but in reality, it’s more about guiding and nurturing. The best leaders among friends aren't just bosses; they're mentors and cheerleaders, helping their team – their friends – reach new heights. As you embark on this journey of leading friends, embrace the unique challenges and joys it brings.

Remember, it’s not about flexing your authority, but about guiding, supporting, and empowering your team – your friends – toward shared success. This isn’t just a professional shift; it’s a personal growth opportunity. Are you ready to lead the dance?

Thank you for investing your time with our content. Hope you find it useful and help us at The New Manager Playbook provide more impact to new managers out there.