Leading Friends

Whether you should share friendship with people you lead at work isn’t a “yes or no” question. It is a matter of if you can sustain a friendship and objectively fulfill your leadership responsibilities. Here are questions to ask yourself prior to befriending those you lead.

Can you objectively evaluate their performance?

Friendship can hide deficiencies in each other. It can also establish expectations that aren’t equitable with others. It is vital that all your followers, befriended or not, get regular and objective assessments of their performance. They should be pushed to grow and be mindful when they need to improve. Fulfilling this role without altering your approach with friends is critical for success.

Can you disagree with your friends’ approach to addressing an issue?

Good leaders seek input, evaluate alternatives and are decisive. The weight given to your team member’s preferences should not be prioritized by any friendship that exists. Using experience and intuition about potential alternatives should dictate your decisions.

Can you appear objective to those who aren’t your friends?

As a leader, appearances matter. It’s hard to hide that you are friends with team members. Others who aren’t your friends will be watching; and probably not objectively. Be open about the existence of your friendships and don’t show any appearance of favoritism. When granting awards or promotions, plan how you will address any objectivity concerns that surface.

Can you balance the time you spend across all those you lead?

It is natural to want to spend time with your friends. Lunches with friends are an example. Ensure that anything work-related is communicated with all, not just friends in an informal setting. The safest thing to do is count lunches with your dual employee/friends as time spent with them and focus other calendar time with your other employees. Balance is critical in this area!

Can your befriended employee handle the dual role of friend and dutiful follower?

It isn’t just your comfort level; the befriended employee must be comfortable as well. The friendship conditions the leader should embrace must also be accepted by your employee. Have a specific discussion to set expectations. If any discomfort exists, the employee/ friend mix should be avoided.

While these questions may sound challenging, I have had many instances of leading friends. It takes careful consideration and a mind toward being fair. Open discussion with all involved has made this manageable for me. Be mindful however, not everyone will be comfortable with this without some reassurance, presented verbally and with actions.

?Additional thoughts can be found in my project management and outsourcing classes on LinkedIn Learning, including:

·??????Project Management: Technical Projects which can be found at: https://www.dhirubhai.net/learning/project-management-technical-projects-2021/what-is-a-technical-project?autoAdvance=true&autoSkip=false&autoplay=true&resume=false&u=2125562

·??????Project Management Foundations: Risk which can be found at: https://www.dhirubhai.net/learning/project-management-foundations-risk-14910484/project-risk-a-battle-of-resiliency?autoplay=true&u=0

·??????Outsourcing Fundamentals, the first of six courses on outsourcing, can be found at: https://www.dhirubhai.net/learning/outsourcing-fundamentals/key-components-of-outsourcing?autoAdvance=true&autoSkip=false&autoplay=true&resume=false&u=0

This series of courses focuses on defining services, performing service level management, and helping determine what is required to support a business in an outsourcing or service provider scenario.

?This article is part of Bob’s Reflections newsletter series , which discusses project management, outsourcing and “intelligent disobedience”, a leadership approach. If you want more of this content, you can?subscribe to receive notifications when a new article posts.

Want to learn more about the topics I talk about in these newsletters? Watch my courses in the LinkedIn Learning Library or check out https://intelligentdisobedience.com/ ‘