Leading With Four Agreements: A Modern Guide to Empowered Leadership

One of my past mentors once advised me to read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, saying it would have a big impact on my day-to-day life. Honestly, I didn’t expect it to be such a game-changer, but not only did it improve my personal interactions, it also had a huge impact on my professional life—especially in how I approach leadership. If you're leading a team, this book's insights can seriously level up your leadership style. ??

In this article, we’ll dive into each of the four agreements and explore how they can transform your leadership approach. Plus, we’ll connect these ideas to various philosophical concepts that add deeper layers of meaning to each agreement. Get ready to explore both practical applications and philosophical tie-ins that can enrich your leadership journey!

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word ???

The first agreement is all about being mindful of what you say. Words have power—they can inspire, motivate, and build trust, or they can demoralize and destroy relationships. As a leader, your words carry extra weight, so it’s crucial to use them wisely.

Imagine you’re leading a team meeting. Instead of just pointing out what went wrong in the last project, focus on constructive feedback. Highlight what went well, discuss what could be improved, and emphasize how the team can grow from the experience. When your words are honest, kind, and aimed at helping your team develop, you create a culture of trust and respect. ??

Let’s see it in action: Your team just missed a deadline, and the pressure is on. Instead of saying, “We failed because of poor time management,” you might say, “We faced some challenges with time management, but this is an opportunity for us to refine our processes and come back stronger.” This shifts the focus from blame to growth, motivating your team to improve without feeling discouraged.

Philosophical Tie-In: This principle is aligned with Non-Violent Communication, which promotes empathy and constructive dialogue. It also connects to the Confucian ideals of Ren (仁) and Cheng (诚)—virtues that emphasize kindness and sincerity in your words and actions.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally ??

In leadership, it’s easy to feel personally responsible for everything that happens on your watch. But Ruiz’s second agreement reminds us that other people’s actions and reactions often have more to do with them than with us. This mindset can be liberating—it helps you lead without getting bogged down by the opinions or actions of others.

If a team member is having a bad day and their mood is affecting their work, don’t assume it’s about your leadership or the team dynamic. Instead, offer support, but don’t internalize their behavior as a reflection of your leadership skills. Keep your focus on leading with empathy and consistency. ??

Let’s see it in action: A team member reacts negatively to a new project assignment. Instead of thinking, “They don’t respect my leadership,” try, “They might be dealing with something outside of work that’s affecting their mood.” Approach them with understanding, and offer to help them navigate their workload.

Philosophical Tie-In: This agreement is closely related to Stoicism, which teaches that we should focus on what we can control and not be swayed by external circumstances. It also aligns with the Taoist concept of Wu Wei (无为), which encourages effortless action and going with the flow, rather than being reactive to others’ behavior.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions ??♀?

Making assumptions is a fast track to miscommunication and conflict. As a leader, it’s important to communicate clearly and ensure that everyone is on the same page. This means asking questions, clarifying expectations, and making sure your team feels comfortable doing the same.

Before you jump to conclusions about why a project isn’t progressing as expected, talk to your team. Ask open-ended questions to understand what’s really going on. Maybe there’s a roadblock you weren’t aware of, or perhaps someone needs more resources. By avoiding assumptions, you create a culture of transparency and collaboration. ??

Let’s see it in action: You notice that a project is falling behind schedule and assume your team isn’t working efficiently. Instead of acting on this assumption, you ask your team, “What challenges are we facing with this project?” This opens the door for them to share any issues, whether it’s unclear requirements or a need for more support, allowing you to address the root cause directly.

Philosophical Tie-In: This principle can be linked to Empiricism, which emphasizes the importance of observation and evidence before forming conclusions. It also resonates with the Confucian concepts of Zhi (知) and Ming (明), which stress the value of knowledge and clarity in decision-making.

4. Always Do Your Best ??

The fourth agreement is about bringing your A-game, no matter the circumstances. It’s not about being perfect, but about consistently putting in your best effort. As a leader, when you model this behavior, it sets a standard for your team to follow.

Doing your best doesn’t mean working yourself to the bone; it’s about giving 100% in the moment with the resources you have. Encourage your team to do the same, and recognize their efforts, even when the outcome isn’t perfect. This creates a culture where effort and growth are valued just as much as results. ??

Let’s see it in action: A project didn’t turn out as successful as hoped. Instead of focusing solely on the results, acknowledge the hard work your team put in: “I see the effort everyone put into this. Let’s learn from what didn’t go as planned, but also recognize how far we’ve come and continue pushing forward with the same dedication.”

Philosophical Tie-In: This agreement is connected to Aristotle’s Virtue Ethics, which emphasizes developing good character traits and habits. It also aligns with Confucian values like Qin (勤) and De (德), which focus on diligence and moral integrity.

5. Be Skeptical, but Learn to Listen ??

This fifth agreement, although not part of the original four, complements the framework by encouraging skepticism combined with active listening. This principle involves questioning what you hear and seek deeper understanding while remaining open to different perspectives. It’s about balancing critical thinking with empathy and openness in communication.

As a leader, this means being open to feedback and new ideas while also evaluating their validity. It’s crucial to listen to your team’s concerns and suggestions critically, but also to approach these conversations with a willingness to understand and integrate valuable insights.

Let’s see it in action: Suppose a team member proposes a new strategy that you’re unsure about. Instead of dismissing it outright, listen to their reasoning, ask probing questions, and weigh their ideas against your own experience and knowledge. This approach fosters a culture of thoughtful collaboration and innovation.

Philosophical Tie-In: This agreement resonates with the concept of Skepticism in philosophy, which advocates for questioning assumptions and seeking evidence. It also aligns with Confucian ideas of Xue (学)—the pursuit of knowledge and understanding through active learning and dialogue.

Wrapping It Up ??

Don Miguel Ruiz’s Agreements provide a powerful framework for leading with integrity, empathy, and clarity. Whether you’re guiding a small team or steering an entire organization, these principles can help you face leadership challenges with greater confidence and positivity. Remember, these aren’t just one-time strategies—they’re habits to nurture and grow over time.

Each agreement is rich with insights that could easily fill multiple articles. If you’re like me, get ready to dive deep into a philosophical rabbit hole—there’s so much to explore! ??

Which of these agreements speaks to you most in your leadership journey? Drop a comment below to share your thoughts and let us know which topics you'd love to see explored in more detail. Let’s keep the conversation going! ????

Yours truly,

Ricardo Castelhano