Leading Equanimity

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”  - Vicktor Frankl, Concentration Camp Survivor

As covered in our previous article from March, 2017, emotional intelligence strategies such as mindful meditation and the STOP technique provides us with a means to cultivate our power to choose our own response, but as leaders, we have a responsibility to also set the stage for productive interpersonal relationships and effective communication. How can we help others choose more appropriate responses and grow?

Equanimity is calmness, composure and evenness of temper, especially in difficult situations. If we can help those around us minimize negative, ineffective behaviour and choose calm, productive responses, we will all be better off. I have been fortunate to find a simple process that has helped me and I am compelled to share it here.

When we see someone who is annoyed, frustrated or angry we can calmly and quietly ask “Are you feeling frustrated now?” This labeling can help them become more aware of and detached from their emotions before negative momentum builds. Asking it calmly and quietly shows compassion that is incongruent with their energy, and this helps them to create a space in which to choose. Using the words "Are you feeling..." reinforces that they are not an angry person, but that they are a person who is temporarily experiencing anger. This is an important differentiation.

Next, ask “How do you think you should handle yourself with this?” (or something similar). This will prompt them to consider alternate thoughts, emotions and actions. It takes them out of the preconceived notion that they ARE their emotion (and must follow it) and it helps create the perspective that they are observing their thoughts, emotions and behaviour and that they are empowered with a choice. 

No matter what business, community, team, association or family that we lead, we have a responsibility to be aware of and manage not only ourselves, but to help others be aware and grow. When we help others improve, we gain greater personal fulfillment as well.

Terry Lipovski is an Executive Coach, Founder of Ubiquity Leadership and Host of the Inspiring Leaders Podcast.