Leading With an Empty Cup: How to Care for Your Staff When You’re Struggling Too

By Alayna Thomas, MS, PHR

We all have those days—weeks even—where life just gets heavy. Whether it’s personal struggles outside of the office or feeling overworked by the unending grind, it’s hard to stay motivated to lead and connect with others when your own well is running dry.

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You might really want to be the best leader you can be, but sometimes, you’re simply trying to survive. What do you do when you’re personally feeling stretched thin, stressed out, or just plain exhausted?

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It’s in these moments that reaching out to your people becomes even harder. After all, when you’re hurting, anxious, or overwhelmed, it can feel impossible to stay intentional about supporting those around you who may be feeling the same way. And that’s okay—it’s human. You are allowed to have off days.

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But here’s something to think about: What if, instead of compartmentalizing your personal “life stuff” and trying to push it aside, you let it become a springboard? A reminder that the people on your team are walking through tough stuff, too.

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When Your Well is Empty, Find Purpose in Others

When you’re going through a hard season, it’s tempting to shut down or withdraw. And leadership strategies? They can feel like empty buzzwords when you’re struggling to even muster the energy to lead. But what if those challenging moments in your own life could actually fuel your leadership?

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Sometimes, we need to shift our perspective. Instead of viewing tough personal seasons as obstacles to our leadership, what if we saw them as opportunities? There’s a well of strength we can draw from when times get tough, and it often comes from looking outward, rather than inward.

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On those particularly difficult days—whether it’s a tough morning with your kids or the weight of an unexpected life change—ask yourself:

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• Who on my team is walking through something similar to what I’ve been through in the past? You have a unique ability to empathize with them because you’ve been there.
• Who on my team is struggling with the same thing I’m currently facing? Maybe you don’t have all the answers, but simply acknowledging their struggle can make all the difference.
• Who on my team is going through something even harder than what I’m dealing with? Finding gratitude for your own situation can inspire you to extend a helping hand.

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Your people—just like you—are living full lives outside of work. They have the same stresses, the same unexpected challenges, and the same tough mornings. And sometimes, they just need someone to see them, to connect with them, and to remind them that they’re not alone.

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The Healing Power of Connection

Here’s the thing: When we reach out to others, even when we’re not at our best, there’s something uniquely healing about it. Self-sacrificial leadership—choosing to care for your people even when you’re struggling—can give you a renewed sense of purpose. And that purpose has the power to fill your cup in a way you might not expect.

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I know this sounds a little more emotional than your typical leadership advice. But the reality is this: while technologies, strategies, and tactics will evolve and change over time, the one constant in the workplace is the people. People who go through good and bad seasons; people who need connection to navigate their own lives.

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The Next Time You Feel Drained…

Next time you find yourself struggling to check in with your staff because your own “life stuff” feels overwhelming, remember: they have their own “life stuff” too. And when you extend compassion and care to them, even when it feels like you have little to give, you’re creating a culture of trust and connection.

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People need each other. It’s as simple—and as complicated—as that. And when you lead from a place of shared humanity, you’ll not only build stronger teams, but you’ll find a deeper sense of meaning in your own life, both on and off the job.

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