Leading with Emotional Intelligence in a World of Hateful Attitudes

Recently, I came across a social media post that troubled me—not because of a difference in opinion, but because of the sheer hatred behind it. It mocked Clint Eastwood on his 94th birthday, dismissing his legacy with contempt. Regardless of personal views, reaching that age alone commands a level of respect.

It made me reflect on a bigger issue: How should leaders handle hateful attitudes?

In leadership, we inevitably encounter people who express anger, resentment, or outright hostility. These moments challenge our emotional intelligence and test our ability to maintain composure, uphold values, and foster respect. Here’s how to navigate them with wisdom and integrity:

1. Control Your Response, Not Their Emotion

Hateful attitudes are often fueled by personal pain, ignorance, or frustration. You can’t control others' emotions, but you can control how you respond. Reacting with equal negativity only adds fuel to the fire. Instead, step back, assess, and choose a response that aligns with your leadership values.

2. Engage with Curiosity, Not Confrontation

If engagement is necessary, approach with curiosity rather than combativeness. A simple question like, “What makes you feel that way?” can disarm negativity and uncover underlying concerns. It won’t always lead to agreement, but it shifts the conversation from attack mode to dialogue.

3. Decide When to Walk Away

Not every battle is worth fighting. If someone is deeply entrenched in negativity, arguing may only reinforce their position. As the saying goes, “Never wrestle with a pig—you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.” Knowing when to disengage is a sign of wisdom, not weakness.

4. Set an Example of Respectful Leadership

Hate spreads when met with more hate. Instead of reacting with frustration, model the kind of discourse you want to see. If someone is belittling another person, counter it with a message of respect and recognition.

5. Protect Your Energy

Persistent negativity can be draining. Be mindful of what you consume and engage with. Sometimes, the best action is to mute, unfollow, or remove toxic influences. This isn’t avoidance—it’s self-care. Your energy is best spent uplifting others and driving positive change.

Are You a Hater? And What You Can Do About It

Sometimes, when we feel stuck, overlooked, or frustrated, negativity creeps in. Instead of moving forward, we focus on what’s not happening, what others aren’t doing, and why things aren’t fair.

But here’s a tough question: Are you a hater?

Not in the typical sense, but in the way you might be sabotaging your own progress by dwelling on obstacles instead of creating solutions.

Signs You Might Be a “Hater” in Your Own Story

• You focus on what others aren’t doing instead of what you can do.
• You find yourself complaining more than problem-solving.
• You feel powerless, as if everything depends on someone else’s decision.
• You hesitate to take action, waiting for the “perfect” conditions.
• You fixate on small frustrations, allowing them to stall momentum.

If any of these sound familiar, the good news is, you can shift gears.

What You Can Do About It

? Shift from Complaining to Problem-Solving – Instead of saying, “I’m waiting for approval,” ask, “What can I do right now to move forward?”

? Own Your Influence – Even if you don’t control every decision, you control your momentum. Find what’s within your power and take action.

? Reframe Delays as Opportunities – If progress is slow, use the time to strengthen relationships, refine messaging, or build alignment.

? Stop Seeking Permission for Everything – Leadership isn’t about waiting; it’s about making things happen.

? Ask: Am I Leading or Lingering? – If you’re stuck, make sure it’s for a strategic reason and not just a convenient excuse.

Final Thoughts: The Legacy We Choose to Leave

At the end of the day, leadership is about influence. Do we want to be remembered for contributing to division, or for being a force of reason and respect?

As Dr. Travis Bradberry states in Emotional Intelligence Habits: “Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos.”

Leadership means recognizing when we are the ones holding ourselves back—and choosing to step forward anyway.

So, are you leading? Or lingering?

What are your thoughts on handling negativity in leadership? Drop your insights in the comments! ??

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #Communication #Respect #PersonalGrowth #CoachTerryApproved