Leading During A Personal Crisis (pt.2)

How do you lead when your personal world is in crisis? Beloved performers like Fred Rogers and Beyonce have a lot to teach us.

Part one summary:

1. Don’t fake it; but do?triage.
2. Give yourself the same?compassion?you would for a dedicated employee.
3. Consider?informing?your immediate supervisor that you have some issues going on in your personal life.
4. Reach out?for help.
5. Segment?your life.

BUT...

• How do you actually keep leading and inspiring while dealing with these steps at the same time?
• How do you make sure your emotional state does not rub off on your team?
• How do you keep the team's spirit up while you yourself clearly feel down?
• How do you prevent your emotional state from clouding your judgement when evaluating your teams performance and individual team members?

The steps from part one are the basics. They allow you space to then address these questions. But, what do I do?

The answer is in segmenting. It's more than "putting on a brave face" or "faking it til you make it" but those sayings exist because they contain a grain of truth. The true part is that humans have the capacity to step into roles. Performers utilize this skill and it's the way we can lead our teams under times of personal tension and in the ordinary.

Beyonce talks about this in a 2008 interview with Oprah. Her performer self has a name, posture and stance that is not her "normal" self. When she hears the crowd and steps into her outfit this part of her takes over and runs the show.

No one faults Beyonce for being Sasha Fierce on stage. We love it. The problem would only exist if that part of her were all of her. This is a trap many in the arts and theater have encountered to their ruin as "tortured artists." Because of those warning stories, non performers have avoided this avenue of stepping into roles to solve the problem of leading through personal challenge or crisis. Another reason we've avoided this option is because we live in an age that values authenticity over all else. Any action that is at odds with our emotions is deemed invalid. Yet, everyone knows the value of holding their tongue and not saying everything they are feeling in the moment. That is not being inauthentic, it's being mature.

So how does segmenting help us?

1. Define what is needed to fulfill your role. Identify the character, skills and attitudes that are necessary for success. A starting point is your job description and your understanding of your company culture. If you were to explain to someone the ideal candidate for this role, what language would you use? What colors would you select for this person? What clothing do they wear? How do they hold their body? How do they act in meetings?
2. Clarify where your natural self overlaps with that role. If there is no overlap you will quickly grow tired or fail spectacularly. Beyonce Knowles can be Sasha Fierce because both need to be excellent singers, both are intriguing people, both have phenomenal ambition. To step into a role, doesn't mean that you leave yourself behind, but that you are leaning into those parts of yourself that more closely align with the role.
3. Create rituals and habits that call forth that personality. Dress the part, put on certain jewelry, have a special pre-game ritual for moving from home to office - and the reverse. Remember Mr. Rogers coming into the door and putting on his cardigan sweater? That was an example of switching roles. It was clue to us, his audience, that he was no longer in business mode. It was welcoming habit. What are the ways you can ritualize going to and coming home from work? The clues are important for you as well as those around you to recognize what mode you are in.

So, are you telling me to play a role at work?

What I'm saying that we don't have enough boundaries between our private and public worlds. Thus, one often floods the other and that there are unique parts of our personality that only fully flower under certain conditions. So give those parts of yourself space and permission to thrive.

When I was in seminary (grad school for ministers), I was friends with a couple who had moved back to the States after an extended time in Turkey. The culture there was very warm, hospitable and gregarious. But in grad school, my friend leaned into his studious side. One evening his wife quipped that she missed her Turkish pastor husband. She was still married to the same man, but what she missed was the part of him who leaned into his fun, talkative outgoing side. Since that time, my wife has often urged me in situations that needed it to be a Turkish Pastor. It has become a good-natured way of reminding me when I need to assume a role to excel at my job.

Summary: Cultivating a work self that is in line, but somewhat distinct from your private side can be an effective way to lead when it's challenging.