Leading with a Coach’s Hat

????????????? It is common to hear that leaders bring out the best in their teams when they act as coaches and mentors, rather than adopting a directive style. This is in part a response to the reality that our world is complex and changing quickly, and leaders cannot realistically have all the answers. A coaching based style can help bring more information to the discussion which in turn leads to better outcomes, as well as better accountability. Coaching is definitely not for everyone, nor for every situation. The ‘Situational Leadership ’ framework says that coaching works best when the team member is highly skilled and highly engaged (an enviable combination, isn’t it). ??????

????????????? Coaching can mean a lot of things to different people. Here I am referring to structured goal-based conversations between a trained coach and the coachee using the competencies of the ICF (International Coaching Federation).? A coachee is anyone who is willing to explore a topic through a conversation, and the coach provides a safe space for reflection. The coach listens, asks questions, sometimes stays silent, at times reflects what is heard, and helps the coachee understand and resolve their dilemma.

There are some great articles explaining what does leading as a coach; HBR’s Leading as a Coach or this one from Forbes are a good place to start. It is all about asking questions, really listening, using the GROW model to map out the goal, the reality, and the choices one needs to make to achieve the same. What we however know is that knowing what must be done and doing it are two completely different things. I’ve now been on my journey as a coach for more than 3 years, and here I’d like to share how I’ve experimented with different ways of applying coaching skills at the workplace.

1.?????? Asking more questions: -

In coaching, the coach is only permitted to ask questions and not offer any advice from their own experience (unless explicitly asked). This might sound really terrifying to some leaders, and it certainly wasn’t easy for me. Through hours of coaching practice, one learns to frame a question for many different situations that one encounters in a coaching conversation. They are generally open ended and exploratory, except when opening or closing the conversation.

What I found over time is that I was able to ask better questions in various conversations – group meetings or one on one. When asked in a group, this elicits more information for the entire team to process and evaluate. It could bring out a contrarian view, which is easier to accept when the facts have been shared by the presenter themselves. At other times, it brings balance which is an important objective of discussing something in a group to begin with. Questions like – ‘what does good look like in this project’, ‘what would we need to deprioritize to make this possible’, ‘what makes this critical now’ etc – all bring color into the discussion. With individuals, questions can help reflection and the answers to those questions can also help assess priorities, competencies, ownership, intent, expertise and so much more. And did I mention that it helps select better candidates too!

2.?????? Getting better at non-judgemental acceptance :-

Daniel Kanheman, in his book ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’ helped all of us accept what we knew – that our minds are often made up even before we have heard the facts. This reinforces bias, and could be attributed to prejudice, lack of skills or prioritization or even simply a bit of laziness. The good news is that all of us do it, and none are exempt, while the bad news is that it takes a lot of mental training to stop rushing to judgement first process all the information. One of the competencies in coaching is non-judgmental acceptance of the coachee. This is incredibly hard, and needs a lot of practice, but without this, it is challenging to create a safe coaching space, particularly since the coachee may be talking about something that you disagree with.

At work, it seems almost saintly to suggest that non-judgmental acceptance can help, nor am I an expert in it. However, on many occasions particularly when there are disagreements, it is helpful to lean on the training – it becomes easier to separate the topic from the person. This means engaging even with the topic isn’t to one’s liking, or when there’s a chequered past record of association. Sometimes it just means keeping a straight face instead of scowling or choosing one’s words thoughtfully. It is difficult to fake, as we as humans have evolved to sense the falsity almost instinctively. Genuine practice of non-judgmental acceptance can truly create safe spaces for our teams and colleagues.

3.?????? Being in sync while communicating: -

Out of all the possible benefits of bring coaching skills to the workplace, this is perhaps one of the areas where the impact is fastest. When we communicate as a coach, it is extremely important to be in sync with the coachee. This means a variety of things – knowing what the coachee might be feeling, knowing when to stay silent or to smile, knowing what has not been said out in words, understanding the meaning of what’s been said, connecting the dots and much more. When one is not in sync, the coaching process can feel mechanical instead of a healing one (which is why AI may not be good at coaching yet!). Coaches are also aware when one loses sync and attempt to get back through different means.

????????????? All of us have been part of conversations at work, where there is no shift in understanding or perspective despite a long conversation, where what is said and what is understood are completely different. A lot of it can be attributed to listening skills. What coaching training has helped me do is to recognize quickly when the conversation is not in sync and some tools to course correct. It is not a one-way street and if not reciprocated, one cannot create miracles. Being in sync can improve the quality of communication and the satisfaction for both parties while significantly reducing the time it takes.

Coaches are also trained in direct communication- which is to state something simply and clearly, without beating around the bush, or being hurtful to the other. This is useful while presenting an observation during the coaching conversation, but also supports us when we ‘speak-up’ or ‘lean-in’ at the workplace.

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4.?????? Better contracting: -

One of the ways in which a coaching conversation is different from a good chat with a close friend is ‘contracting’. At the initial part of the discussion the coach and coachee discuss what the coachee would like as an outcome of the conversation. Sometimes it is super clear, while at other times, it could be a general direction. The contract then becomes an anchor for the conversation – and the coach may refer to it occasionally to check on whether the progress is against the initial contract. It also brings a sense of realism into the discussion – in 1 hour, one can only tackle so much and thus an effective contract also helps sharpen what can actually be accomplished.

?I’ve done projects where at the end of it, one wonders – is this really what was needed? Better contracting helps and is a critical skill to master. There are projects which get committed at a very macro level, and there is no contracting that happens on a granular level. Making it explicit of what’s possible, what’s not, what resources are needed, what success looks like early on can be helpful to avoid heartburn later. The same goes for conversations with your boss or team members. I once had a team member who would always follow up every exploratory conversation with a detailed map of what was understood by them, and the time it would take – and that improved their reliability at the workplace significantly.

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5.?????? Establishing accountabilities: -

Towards the end of the conversation as well as throughout the coaching journey, the coach helps establish accountability towards action. This is a key differentiator – a good coach can do it effortlessly, and it’s not only about reminders! This is also what differentiates someone who is ‘coachable’ from others for whom the coaching conversation may be reflective but may not lead to action where it is needed. Through questions like – what do you want to do now, who can help in this journey, how will you measure progress, by when would this change – the coach helps the coachee make the journey more concrete, specific and attainable.

At work, the importance of good follow-through is a key factor in successful execution of anything. Marshall Goldsmith says it perfectly in the book – “What got you here won’t get you there” – that follow up shows colleagues that you care about getting better. The follow-through that one practices as a coach is very useful in establishing accountabilities with peers and team members. Remember the competency of ‘Influencing without Authority’? It is masterfully accomplished by those who do good contracting and follow-through.

To conclude: -

Perhaps the most important value of a coach is having someone who believes in you. That belief from someone else, can help individuals find that belief in themselves and that can change everything. In our ever-changing world, many of the skills between coaching and effective management are inter-changeable. One needs to learn them as one grows as a manager, and coaching is an interesting complement to develop these skills even if being a professional coach is not a career goal. At the same time, all good coaches are not automatically good managers, or vice-versa and there is so much more to being effective in these roles.

In case you were thinking about whether to sign up for a coach training program or wondering how to develop some of the competencies I’ve touched upon, I hope these reflections provides some perspective. I’m also sharing a great set of blogs from Navgati for anyone who wants to learn more about coaching skills.