Leading with anxiety and depression: 5 personal themes and learnings over the years (of embracing mental illness)

Note: This article reflects my own personal views and experience and does not intend to provide any medical advice. Please seek the advice of a mental health professional and do not rely solely on this article.

I will likely need to write an entirely different article to talk about how I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder (GAD) and clinical depression, so let me start by summarizing my not-so linear journey in one (long) sentence: I started recognizing my mental health was deteriorating 6 years ago, started speaking to a counselor 4 years ago, became a first-time people manager 1.5 years ago, and spoke to a psychiatrist for the very first time 6 months ago – only because I wanted to call what I was feeling and experiencing by its name. ?

If there was anything that I was extra thoughtful and deliberate about in the last 6 years, it was deciding to take my chances at becoming a people manager. Some questions and insecurities that crossed my mind: Will I have enough in my cup to lead 11 unique and talented individuals, knowing that I’ve been struggling to keep my own cup full over the years? Will I be able to do justice to these individuals’ growth and development, while I’m still getting to know myself and how I am navigating my own personal wellbeing and professional development?

Amidst all these questions was a burning desire to pay it forward, especially to all the leaders who painstakingly coached and journeyed with me with so much patience and care (and a lot of risk-taking!!!) since I became part of the workforce more than 8 years ago. As you could probably tell from my current assignment, I decided to take the chance, some leaders took a risk on me, and I found myself in a journey that has exponentially pivoted me towards even greater self-awareness, empathy, and selflessness – not without challenge, but absolutely fulfilling!

Writing this article is symbolic of me coming out with my illness/es and also coming to terms with their intersectionality with my being a first-time people manager. By sharing some of the themes I have learned over the last 1.5 years of (trying my best) leading with anxiety and depression, I hope to encourage at least one person experiencing the same dilemma to embrace every part of their being and to consistently be relentless in finding their own voice amidst all the chaos happening in their minds:

1: Know (and master) thyself.

Ever since I became much more aware of the state of my mental wellbeing, I have always been keen to understand and acknowledge my triggers. What gets me frozen and in a prolonged state of shock? What was the last email that made me step away from my computer and nap my anxiety away? Knowing and understanding my triggers has helped me relate to and empathize with others’. Building a repertoire of my common triggers allows me to draw out the best response (and advice or action) I could to help team members who come to me with a similar dilemma or challenge.

Important note: This is a never-ending journey. We evolve, we change, the world evolves, and, surprise, it changes, too!

2: Seek help and support.

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we need professional help – that it’s the sole key to our mental health struggles. However, to get therapy, counselling, and psychiatric treatments to work for us requires our own buy in and efforts, too. It definitely takes two to tango, but I would also encourage you to try it out if you haven’t yet.

Thanks to good friends who have been generous in sharing their experiences working with mental health professionals in journeying towards wellbeing, I have come to know that I needed to try different approaches to figure out what would best work for me. It was also through them that I gained courage to see a psychiatrist, who helped me call what I was going through for what they actually are – generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder – and is helping me address them medically, too.

I wanted to call them by name because I had a very strong desire to help relate to those who were going through the same things. Seeking professional help was and is one way for me to continuously find and manage myself amidst the chaos that is always ready to brew inside my head. I cannot discount the fact that the hesitation I felt before jumping into it has built my empathy towards those who are still in the journey of realizing that they need help.

3: “Put on your own mask first before assisting others with theirs”

Or fill your own cup before you pour onto others’ cups from your own. We owe it to the lives we have been entrusted with as leaders to offer our best selves as much as possible and we can only exert best effort if we have the energy reserves to do so.

Even finding ways to fill our own cups can get frustrating. In my case, one of the reasons my mental health deteriorated was because of the desire to please others so much that I stopped thinking of ways to continue refilling my cup. It will take time but with practice (yes, practice!), it will get easier protecting your own peace.

4: Embrace your (and others’) humanity; be kind to yourself.

We’re humans. We make mistakes. We miss out on things. We forget. We remember, sometimes not as quick as we’d like. We were entrusted to lead not because we are bionic people who can do anything and everything, but because we have the capability to shepherd a group of individuals with our very human abilities and even with our flaws.

By embracing and role-modelling our human-ness, we create a culture of psychological safety and openness within our teams. We create a space for team members, including ourselves as leaders, to come out with both their strengths and development areas, and work with others to acknowledge these together and build even better outcomes as a collective.

5: Pay it forward.

“It takes a village” – one of my team members said to me when I commended the efforts behind solid progress on one of our change initiatives. It also takes a village to get ourselves to a space where we begin to be confident with both our strengths and flaws. As someone who struggled with clinical depression at its peak a couple of years ago, it was very difficult to even think about who was helping me through and how. But when I found my way towards healing and recovery, I recognized the number of people, both peers and leaders, who took chances and risks on me even when I was at my lowest point. For me, paying forward meant, among other things, to lead with the values they instilled in me. For you and other people, it might mean different things.

Remember and acknowledge people who journeyed/are journeying with you, too. Use the energy they shared with you to pay it forward – when you feel like it already.

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I want to emphasize that these themes are not my end game. These learnings have only fueled my continued journey towards embracing my mental illnesses as part of my being, allowing me to use them to (try) becoming a better person everyday – for myself and for the people around me.

By no means have I perfected the formula in managing my mental health and, as such, I would also like to take the chance to thank those who have patiently journeyed with me, friends who have been so generous with sharing their experiences, leaders who continue to take chances on me in leading such a wonderful group of people, and to colleagues who never tire from imparting their own learnings and experiences leading teams and communities. I owe this to my team of 11 fantastic talents who continue to entrust me to bring my full self to work as their leader.

I would love to hear your own themes and learnings on leading whilst dealing with mental illnesses yourself. If you are comfortable, please leave me a message on the comments. I noticed this is one intersectionality that does not get discussed often -- happy to help break the stigma and talk. ??