Leading with Affirmation: Two Proven Techniques to Nurture Engagement and Success

When was the last time you gave affirmation to a teammate? I don’t mean the “everyone gets the participation trophy for showing up to work” affirmation. I mean the act of positively acknowledging or confirming something that was seen in another’s work, ideas, or response.

And Then Jack Came Along

In a prior vocation, I was in the world of higher education, teaching and leading on a university campus. Several years in, I was asked to step into the role of Vice President of Academics — my first time with this level of responsibility. I was excited … but also a bit apprehensive. I enjoyed opportunities to support my faculty and create positive change for students. But it was the fear of the unknown that generated questions in my mind.

“What would I need to be successful?”?

“Would I be successful?”

“Was this a right fit for me?”

In my early days, there was a newer administrator at our school named Jack with whom I became quick friends. He made an offer to meet with me one morning each week and talk through a book on becoming a visionary and how to maintain a personal vision for my leadership. I jumped at the opportunity, elated that he would offer his time, counsel, and life experience to me.?

Those early mornings happened over 10 years ago, but I recall soaking in his coaching. And as I reflect, one specific stood out.?

He affirmed me. What I don’t mean is his making generic comments such as “You’re going to do great!” Rather, he would talk about specific character traits or skill sets he saw within me and then would spend time helping me understand how each would benefit me and those I served. He did this multiple times and it felt genuine to me. It was so encouraging and the results developed a sense of humility and confidence within me.?

I appreciated Jack as he modeled an essential principle of being a leader: my colleague took the opportunity to affirm me and it produced exponential results of insight and optimism.

Raising Your Awareness as a Leader

In our saturated lives as leaders, it can seem like all we notice is what is not going right and then point it out. And hey, being in leadership demands providing guardrails to help a product or process get to the finish line. But if we are not careful, it can turn into a situation like the son mowing the grass and all the dad can see is the one strip that got missed. After a while, this can be a negative drain on a person and they get discouraged. We have all been there.?

So can I offer you a couple of tools from Dr. Henry Cloud that will raise awareness for you as a leader?

1. Be genuine and specific in your affirmation. For example, I could say to a teammate, “Hey, nice work on that project.” Or I could say, “Thank you for your insights with Project [X] this week. The extra time you spent putting our information into a graph made it immensely helpful in coming to the best decision. I appreciate that. I know it was a lot of extra work on your part.” There is not much difference in the amount of time it takes, but you are acknowledging both the person’s character (extra effort when needed) as well as their output (creatively taking information and presenting it with more clarity). They will notice that you noticed.
2. Affirmation is not limited to only when noticing what was done right. It can (and should) be used when having to step into a confrontation that needs to happen. Meaning, if you have to approach a teammate about a situation, you can separate the event from the person. For example, I could say, “That comment you made in our strategic meeting had a bit of a tone to it. That needs to stop.” Or I could say, “I appreciate the input you gave at our strategic meeting - you had excellent insights about how to better market our [Y] product. But can I make an observation? There seemed to be a bit of a tone in your response. Did you happen to notice how the ‘temperature’ changed after that? Perhaps I am off in my assessment of this and would love your feedback. I would like to chat through this because I do believe you are adding value to our conversation, but you might be setting yourself back if you come across condescendingly.”

Neither one of these ideas are rocket science nor are they difficult. But if we are not cognizant of these things, we can tend to only see what needs to be fixed. It is not that we intend to be negative, but it happens and we leave a wake of discouragement and diminishment behind us.?

At Your Creative People, we have reminded each other of this because affirmation helps build a foundation where thinking differently can take place. If you would like to see some of the creative efforts of our team, check out our latest work at yourcreativepeople.com.