Leadership secrets from the Mat

My motto “I support your choice” recently inducted me into a secret society, previously only open to men that is all about building more successful and resilient leaders.

“I support your choice” can be an encouragement to think out of the box, or it can be an escort out of the building because, hey, all choices have consequences.

“I support your choice,” in parenting is sometimes easy; other times, it is a challenge. It was easy to support the district’s first all-girls robotics team, the reigning District Champion in Speech and Debate, choir, orchestra, theater, Physics and Chemistry… but suddenly my youngest wants to be in whaaaaaat?

?“Mama I want to join the wrestling team.”

?Sweetheart, how about swim team?

?“No Mama, wrestling.”

?Come on, not wrestling? It’s a bunch of stinky, sweaty people rolling around on fungus infected mats.

?“Yes Mama. Wrestling.”

I took a deep breath, banished visions of trips to the ER, and supported the choice. I thought it might be short lived when I realized we had to leave the house at 05:30 in the morning. Wrong.

Thing Two was downstairs ready to go, through the entire cold, dark winter.

Soon school wrestling wasn’t enough; we had to join club wrestling. This elite and intense training was nothing like the chess club in my high school experience. I found myself lost in more ways than one.

I got lost in the twists and turns of the dungeon and disoriented by multiple loud doors clanging shut as we descended an almost endless number of stairs and hallways that twisted and turned every which way, but we found it by following… the smell. The pong of wrestling mats, well, is unlike any other funk.

The smell of wrestling is a complex cocktail that is a mixture of determination, grit, with a touch of misery, highlighted by hormones, tinged with euphoria.

I would go to club and watch my kid be picked up and slammed down again, and again, and again. The first year my own abs were sore from vicariously twisting and turning in my seat while I watched my kid be pummeled. One of the first sessions, I saw a 5-year-old who had just been thrown onto his back in a wrestling move and had a tear rolling down his face.

A barrel chested coach shouts at the small child in a gravely snarl, ”DONT SHOW ME NO TEARS… Show me FIGHT!” I was furious and looked around for the kid’s parents. Then I saw the little boy’s mom… She was just nodding, agreeing with the coach. He better not ever talk to my kid that way. I’ll show him some fight. I was more confused than ever.

A few months later there was a middle school match, and my kid did not win. There may or may not have been a tear in the corner of one eye. The same coach I had pegged as being emotionally stunted charged over and got up into my kids face. “FIX YOUR FACE,” he snarled. I stood up and stalked over in a mama bear rage intending to shut this sh*t down. Before I could there, he put his arm around my kid and leans in and said: “You got nothin’ to cry about. You are in your first year. Now we know what to work on. This is where we get to work.

"You win or you learn. The only way to lose is to give up. OK?"

Kid sniffs, takes a breath and chants loudly “YES COACH!”

?Oh, gosh, that was…amazing. I had to turn away as there were definitely tears in my eyes as I relearned the definition of a coachable moment. The way that coach had turned a loss into a moment of fierce determination had nothing to do with wrestling. It was life. It?was now my turn to "get to work" trying to unlock the mystery of wrestling.

I had made so many mistakes as I looked at wrestling from the outside. I think I was distracted by the brutality or physicality…or maybe the smell. I had missed something crucial. I wasn’t wrong about the mat fungus or the trips to the ER, (seriously, did you know that if the kid gets ringworm, they can pass it to the dogs as mange?? EEEEWWW!).

?There is leadership and entrepreneurial gold right here on the mat.

On the center of every wrestling mat, there is a circle. This circle is an alternate universe of ferocity and determination that both begins and ends with the blowing of a whistle when you shake hands and get down to business. These athletes learn to receive being celebrated publicly when the referee raises their hand in triumph, and other times, even after they have suffered a tremendous loss, they leave the mat only after they look into the eyes and shake their opponent’s hand and the hand of the opponent’s coach. Only then, the leader-to-be, returns to their own coach. Right then there is either a celebratory high-five, hug or back-slap, or immediately an intense debriefing where adrenaline laced lessons are imprinted directly into their brain and tied to their muscle memory with endorphins. The wrestler is being taught to embrace an opportunity to refocus and improve with no wallowing in guilt or shame allowed.

There is an intensity to wrestling conditioning and training takes GRIT. Not only is my kid in the best physical shape of their life, including strength, flexibility, agility and endurance, but they are being honed to a level of mental fortitude and emotional resilience that is necessary in any boardroom but few people can achieve.

There are way more boys in wrestling than girls. Watching my kid go through similar challenges at 14 that it took me until 40 to unlock gave me a true appreciation to how powerful this sport could be to changing the power dynamics in the boardroom. My kid has already learned the tough lessons of gaining the respect of older, male, and more experienced teammates as the only girl on the varsity bus. They are already learning to never give up, manage time, so many key lessons that the men have been learning from wrestling for decades.

These coaches are not just training a sport. They are life, leadership, and success-training-machines. They are teaching respect, determination, discipline, resilience, and teamwork. They are teaching the joy that comes from a job well done, the value of sweat equity, and importance of learning from one’s mistakes.

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There is also a diversity and inclusion lesson inherent in wrestling. Everyone starts as an equal on the mat, no matter their size, age, sex, gender, color or religious background. Let the best wrestler win!

These kids are being attacked with ferocity and intent. Their opponent is grinding a forearm into the back of their neck to shove their face down, or they are being picked up and hurled into the floor by the next combatant. In a moment where adrenaline and hormones are running hot, this physical assault can provoke rage, fear or even panic. Instead, through coaching and countless repetitions, these athletes turn moments of extreme physical stress and frustration into an exercise of mental fortitude and emotional regulation. They are taught to use focus to stave off fear or panic and think strategically in the most stressful of situations, including while someone is literally smashing their face into the ground or grabbing them by the back of the neck and yanking them off balance.

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There were many days during my career when corporate bureaucracy tried to pin me, a competitor was gleefully trying to rub my face into the ground, or a world event like planes crashing into the twin towers, a financial crisis, and most recently a pandemic ripped my feet out from under me and left me breathless. I wonder how much better I would have handled these situations if I had been trained as a wrestler?

If we want more women CEO’s, better women leaders, (yes we need more girls in STEM), but we need to be recruiting more young women into the sport of wrestling.

You heard me, wrestling.?It’s hard as a parent to watch lessons learned not only by being slammed on the mat time after time, but also learning the loneliness of being the only one who looks like you in a meeting or the fallacy of work/life balance.

How many women don’t make it to positions of leadership or take the chance on entrepreneurship? How many women are passed over for promotion due to a lack of emotional regulation when frustrated or angry? How many women give up because navigating home and work priorities is just too hard or there is no coach to help them re-enter the workplace after staying home with kids??

We need more women on the team. The work team as well as the the lead the country team…women who are prepared to think under pressure, make hard decisions, fight through the pain, get up, learn and go again.

?I’m too old and might break a hip, but let’s go recruit more people to wrestle (and lead) like a girl.

?Were you a wrestler in high school or college? What did you learn? Please share in the comments below. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Unplugged and follow me on LinkedIn.

Copyright 2024 Vanessa Ogle All Rights Reserved