Leadership thru crisis

Its Tuesday Am, for those of us who are losing track.   Here is my warning label. If you are adverse to messages with a religious view, you might want to pass on this...

As you are making your calls today, you never know what the person on the other side is facing…So here are some thoughts to consider when helping those suffering thru crisis.

So what do you say to someone who is suffering from a crisis? Many people don’t realize that it is just as important to know what not to say, because saying the wrong thing at the wrong time cause more pain.

1. Pray For Wisdom. Before coming along side someone during the early stages, you should always pray. Ask the Lord for wisdom and to give you sensitivity. Ask Him to share His compassion with you, so that you can appropriately help others.

2. Know Your Initial Statement. Many people do not know what to say when someone goes through intense emotional suffering. Start the conversation by saying, “How are you holding up?” This question recognizes the pain and suffering and allows that person to respond and tell their story. Never ask, “How are you doing?” It is cliché. People will recognize the phrase as a “hi” rather than an invitation to be vulnerable and honest.

3. Say: “I’m Sorry.” Victims to crises need to hear that you are sorry and that you will not leave their side. They do not need your opinions or words of advice. Say: “I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. I am here for you.” It is important to know when to be quiet and let the other person talk. Read more about “what to say” and “what not to say” below.

4. Be Conscious of Sounding Too Religious. A lot of us have Bible verses in our back pockets that we pull out when we do not know what else to say. For example, Romans 8:28 says that “all things work together for good for those who love God.” This is true, but it is not an appropriate, and often hurtful, verse to say to someone who is grieving. Be careful when it comes to prayer. Some will welcome it, but others will get angry if you bring it up. During distress and tragedy, people often get upset at God. It is hard for us to respond because we cannot explain God’s intentions, but we can offer hope. If they ask the common question, “How could a loving God allow something like this to happen?” respond by saying, “I really wish I had an answer for you that could take away your pain, but I don’t. I do know, though that you are right about one thing: God is a loving God. He wants to come along side you and comfort you.”

5. Just Listen. Though it can be difficult, limit your own opinions and advice. Someone grieving may be angry at something you are very fond of; firefighters, policemen or government officials. Even if you believe their words are untrue, that is not the time to disagree. Let them grieve and talk through those feelings out loud.

What Not to Say:

? I know how you feel.

? How are you doing? or Are you okay?

? You’ll feel better before you know it.

? You’ll get through it.

? I’m sure it would never happen again.

? Don’t cry. or Be strong for your family.

? You’d feel better if you would stop crying.

? Be happy for what you have left.

? God must have needed him/her in heaven.

? Thank God you have other children.

? The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

? Don’t let it rob you of your joy.

? Anything that tells the person how to feel. Instead, respond to how he/she feels.

? Any personal stories that compare this grief or loss to some other grief or loss.

What to Say Instead:

? I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.

? How are you holding up?

? Where were you when it happened?

? Use open questions. (What was it like?)

? May I take a moment to pray for you?

? If a family has lost a loved one, talk openly with them about him/her; share memories, especially about little things.

? Freely speak the name of the one who has died.

? Offer Bible verses about God’s presence and love.

This advice is an overview of the content from the Billy Graham Rapid Response Team’s and I found it very helpful and a great reminder. Hope you have a great day!!