Leadership through vulnerability

How my experience with burnout helped me to become a stronger and more supportive manager and to realise that admitting vulnerability and asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.

A couple of years ago when I had just taken on my first formal management role, a colleague gave me some advice:

"It's important to be yourself"

We talked around the idea for a while, but I held back. I'd never felt comfortable "being myself" -- not at school or at home, and only occasionally with my closest friends -- certainly never in the workplace. In fact I had always found acceptance and success by projecting a competent, professional work persona. Be friendly and polite, aim to please and impress everyone, make friends and influence people. And in my early career this was really effective. It helped me build confidence and fit in. People responded well to my work persona, and that opened up opportunities.

The advice to "be myself" felt like the antitheses of all this. "I don't think I can do that" I said. But I couldn't explain why.

Fast forward to November 2022. I'd been leading the team for around a year and was beginning to get comfortable in the role. The team had grown, was delivering great work and appeared to be thriving. But while I was no longer drowning in my new responsibilities I was only just managing to stay afloat. I was working late most days, and also on weekends. At the end of a long day of managing I would relax by coding on critical work projects. My extra work amplified the output of the team and it felt good to be recognised as successful.

But I was now severely burnt out.

As a leader I had taken on care and responsibility for a whole team, both personally and professionally. And they had become my top priority, at the expense of caring for myself.

Burnout snuck up on me, with my extra efforts yielding constant reinforcement that "the team is really productive, you're doing a great job" while my struggles were written off as me being new to the role and needing to learn to do better. Then one day I realised I couldn't keep it up any more.

I went to my manager and said "I'm taking a month off for sick leave, effective tomorrow". Pretty extreme for a workaholic, but it had reached a point where I didn't have any other options. The only thing remaining was to tell my team.

My manager offered to tell them on my behalf, and she reassured me that I didn't need to share anything personal:

"Just tell them you'll be off sick, you don't need to give details"

One of my hallmarks has always been to lead by example. This had helped me build a strong, focussed and eager team around me, and I saw a lot of myself in them. Their drive to achieve. Their enthusiasm. And their increasing tendency to work late to get the job done.

In that moment, as I was preparing to deliver the difficult news of my sudden and unplanned absence, at a time when the team was also entering "crunch time", I realised that it was important to be myself. No secrets.

I told the team I'd been struggling for a while. I told them I was burnt out and taking time off to recover. And then we talked about mental health and work-life balance and the need for them to look after themselves too. And from that day, the team culture began to change.

I took a month off and came back feeling -- not cured -- but a little better. And with the knowledge that I needed to change my approach to work and to leadership. My team helped me to ease back in gradually, and together we helped build healthier habits for all of us. We learnt that working smarter, with regard for mental health and work-life balance, is more sustainable than working harder and actually does give better results.

This experience has shown me the extraordinary power of leading from a place of vulnerability. We can't all be our best selves all of the time. The ability to admit when you're struggling and ask for the support you need is a strength, never a weakness. With that support I am happier and much more effective at my job. "Being myself" also makes me a more approachable, more relatable person who my team can feel more comfortable reaching out to for support.

This experience has also helped me to advocate more genuinely and effectively for the needs of others in the workplace - but that's a story for another time.

The rulebook in my head told me burnout was a dirty secret, a sign of weakness, and letting it become known would hurt my career. But talking openly has turned it into a strength - through raising awareness and reducing stigma I can help others avoid going down the same path, and together we can build a healthier workplace.

A colleague asked me for advice the other day and do you know what I said?

"It's important to be yourself"

Emergency 000 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

Hi, I'm Amber.

As an ex-full-stack-developer-turned-people-manager, I'm currently leading a team to deliver innovative and powerful software solutions in the legal tech space.

In addition to being technical leader, I have extensive business experience in both the legal and construction industries. This unique insight into business processes and user-driven software requirements helps me to to exploit market opportunities and deliver genuinely usable software.

As an #actuallyautistic manager with lived experience of hidden disability, I am a strong proponent of diversity and inclusion within the workplace. I lead with empathy and I strive to ensure that all voices are heard and that everyone I work with has my support to be their best, most genuine selves.

Images by Freepik.

#burnout #vulnerabilityisstrength