Leadership Through CS - COVID Stress

In every Zoom meeting since COVID sent us home...

...there has been an elephant sitting squarely in the center of our virtual rooms. It’s draining our bandwidth, zapping our energy, and short-circuiting our creativity. It’s stress, sure. Yet not the average, everyday variety that we’ve all come to live with as part of our contemporary lives.

This one is a living, breathing beast. Like the virus itself, it’s working its way through our communities, often silently, at least until it becomes dangerously obvious. While I could spend paragraphs of text here detailing the costs, I'll refer you to almost any mental health article published anywhere these days. You'll learn all you need to know and more.

Instead, I will point out some ways we are seeing the elephant in the room show up and then point you forward.

This past week I spoke with several leaders from a range of sectors about what we are calling CS—COVID stress. It is clearly the biggest "silent" challenge for each and every one. Yet if it is collectively acknowledged at all, it’s almost always through a thinly veiled dark humor that seems to be getting darker.

Here’s how CS might show up in the background of a typical year-end report: “When I was asked to fill out my yearly review details, I wanted to write ‘COVID-19’ for the first question and then ‘Ibid COVID-19’ for every additional question, including my stretch goal for 2021. Of course, I didn’t. I played the game. But really, what are they thinking? Can’t they see it’s a stretch just to show up?”

Despite the incredible strain behind this more-than-valid reality, this employee knows that the final draft of the report is expected to look pretty much like it would any other year. So that is what it will look like. And this is the exact problem. 

When we do things how we usually do them, yet live in an extremely different set of circumstances, we create a dissonance that will eventually show up as cracks in the systems and the humans who operate within them. 

Sadly, this also means that those on the receiving end of such reports are given a free pass to not respond to the true stressors that are appearing and shaping our work lives. This in turn means that we—right here, right now, mid-pandemic—are nowhere close to understanding our true physical and mental health reality.

Fortunately, this is precisely the kind of thing conscious leadership can address. 

As a reminder, I am defining consciousness here as simply the expanding capacity for awareness on a multitude of levels that can be experienced both within us and out in the greater world.

When we become more and more conscious of the COVID stress we are all experiencing, and acknowledge it as such, the elephant in the room begins to shrink in size and impact. We can do this in many ways. Below are a few I’ve suggested in the past few weeks. 

But before we go on… 

Stop. Take a moment to take stock of this exact moment. For you—and only you.

How are you? No, really, how ARE you? 

The single greatest thing we can do to begin alleviating our collective COVID stress is to understand how we ourselves are doing and to acknowledge that we, too, are suffering. Leaders are not only allowed to suffer, they do suffer. It’s a fact. The best leaders don’t try to pretend all is well when it is not well.

Conscious leaders simply acknowledge what is true. 

Now that you have done a self-check, and hopefully given yourself permission to be not okay in the ways you are not okay, the following are a few ways to help those you lead.  

• Did you notice how it felt when I asked you how you are, then asked you how you really are? It probably felt at least a little like a relief. That is a simple relief you can offer others, especially those you lead. Ask, then listen. You’re not in problem-solving mode here; you may not be able to solve all or even many of the problems COVID is presenting. But you are solving a presence problem—the problem that everything is harder but no one is listening, caring, or acknowledging the burden. 
• It is safe to say that COVID stress is at play for everyone. When we engage with others, we can choose to stop (again, STOP is a full stop, even if only for one full breath) and remind ourselves that the person standing in front of us has a hidden aspect, as we all do, and that they are undoubtedly under great stress, as we all are. Though you may not ever hear the direct details, this assumption helps bring about another assumption—the assumption of good intent. As a conscious practice, assuming others have good intent not only brings peace to the table and compassion to the fore, it brings wisdom forward. 
• We all project ideas and interpretations onto others. It is a kind of inner shorthand that allows us to assume others are feeling what we are feeling or acting according to the interpretations we have for any particular behavior. It’s unconscious and we all do it. In the case of extreme COVID stress, we leaders can intentionally pull back our projections. Easy ideas such as if we are great, then others are or if we are not faring well, then others are not faring well can be replaced with “I wonder how things are really going?” It seems ridiculously obvious, but this deeper moment with our greater awareness yields huge benefits. We may not change anything else, and yet with this shift in awareness, things begin to change at a much deeper level. 
• We can create new and supportive cultural norms that work to acknowledge stress without ever having to label it stress at the moment. As an example, when starting a new Zoom call, after everyone is present, we can suggest that everyone turn off their camera and microphone for three minutes to get centered in whatever way they choose. Maybe a deep breath. Maybe relaxing their shoulders. Instead of let’s get down to business and pretend like everything is normal, the message is let’s realize this way of doing business is hard and give ourselves a moment to breathe. Not only does this give everyone a three-minute mental health break after what may well have been an all-out sprint to the computer, but it also reminds everyone that there is stress in the room and that reality isn’t going to be shoved under the rug. The acknowledgment is worth far more than the cost of three minutes. 
• We can casually talk about what we are doing to relieve our stress. No big deal, it's normal to be stressed in crazy times like these. When we as leaders acknowledge that stress relief is needed no matter who you are, everyone understands it’s okay to acknowledge for themselves and each other. 
• We can help others understand the nuances of what is occurring in and around us in this incredibly difficult time. Ask and explain what stress is, how it operates, and ask how it seems to be operating in your team from your team’s point of view. What does anxiety look like? What does grief look like? What does burnout (not just end-of-day burnout but career-ending burnout) look like? How ARE you all doing? Take a little time to understand and acknowledge that general stress is not the same as COVID stress and that we are all learning this new language for articulating it together. Conscious awareness allows for and encourages nuance. If ever there was a time to grow your emotional intelligence, it’s now. 
• We can ask two levels of “How are you?” as I did above. One way to do this is to have two different questions. First, How are you today? Adding “today” is often advised for those going through very difficult situations, as things do change from day to day. Given that we are going through difficult times collectively, this may be a wise habit to develop. Second, we can ask some version of How are you holding up through this COVID season? If someone is afraid of mentioning the COVID stress elephant in the room, this can open them up. Again, we may not be able to meet the needs that arise from these conversations, but we can be compassionate enough to acknowledge what is real for the person in front of us. When we do that, we validate the experience—which is great stress relief. The overall need to be seen is met, even if the direct need may not be.

So often we see consciousness in an undue complexity. Being human, being aware, allowing for what is in the room, allowing for the unseen to be seen, allowing others to be acknowledged—that’s how to be a better human. The fact that you are also increasing your conscious awareness is simply a bonus. 

I'm Robin Rice, a senior advisor in conscious leadership for individuals and organizations. I lead, mentor and teach at the intersection of work, personal relationships, and social impact. I invite you to connect with me here on LinkedIn or through my website at RobinRice.com.

#Conscious #Leadership #Insight #Strategy #Results #Mentoring