Leadership Starts With You

You can’t make this up...“We tend to think that our leadership skills come from reading the “right” management books, securing a MBA, toiling in major corporations, but honestly, I can point to one situation that dramatically affected how I manage teams. In 1994, on the evening before I was about to give my first major presentation to 500 of my colleagues at PR Newswire’s annual sales conference, my boss pulled me aside and said, “Susan, everyone at the company hates you.” At that moment, the world as I knew it (at least professionally) came crumbling down. How could she say this to me? How could anyone say this? Was it true? Why would she tell me right before I’m about to give a presentation? When pressed, she did not explain. There were no names, no details. Just THOSE WORDS.

And yes, those words, no matter how untrue they were, deeply altered how I approached every single colleague and managed people throughout my career. I immediately took steps to showcase my colleagues’ successes and insure credit was given where it was due. I began sending notes when someone reached a goal, secured a new client, or solved a pressing problem. It wasn’t about proving that I was likeable, or that my boss was wrong. It was about raising each other up. We’re in this together. 

Over the next 25 years, everything I did was instilled with kindness, compassion and empathy. I vowed never to make another person feel the way that my manager had made me feel. I lived by the mantra, "let’s treat our own colleagues as well as we treat our clients.” That’s why, even if you have feedback that’s less than positive to share, your approach matters. Think about how that person is receiving what you’re about to say. Put yourself in their shoes. It should never be criticism but rather constructive feedback.

Today, each of my employees lives and works by this creed. We build meaningful connections with each other and after 8 years it has worked brilliantly. There really is something to be said about humanity first. As a leader it’s imperative to approach relationships with anyone—from colleagues and superiors to direct reports—with respect, and help them—if need be—to learn, and work through issues without making them feel small. That’s not what we’re about. That’s not the kind of leadership we should be teaching to the next generation of leaders.” — Susan McPherson, Founder of Mcpherson Strategies and Author of The Lost Art of Connecting: The Gather, Ask, Do Method for Building Meaningful Business Relationships 

What is the toughest feedback you’ve ever received? 

For me, it was: ‘You don’t think deeply or do a thorough enough job.’ Ouch, was the only thought I could muster. 

These memories represent an important truth in life and business: The impact we have on someone might stay with them for a lifetime. It’s not just our intention that matters. It’s how we live it. 

Behavior dictates culture more than values painted on the wall ever will. This week, we hear from Susan and Girls Night In Founder Alisha Ramos on the power of leading by example. 

My brother and I have always hired entrepreneurial team members. We’re a team of self-starters who run at an incredibly fast pace. Our shared hustle leads to achievements greater than we can imagine. It can also cause us to live in a state of constant pursuit. 

As a leader, you can become so blindsided by the work that it’s tempting to just keep charging ahead. I constantly remind myself to trade the grind for gratitude. We want our team to feel appreciated and have a rich life outside of work. Alisha highlights the importance of prioritizing that as a founder... 

“It was the fall of 2020, a few months before my (micro) wedding. I was getting ready for my virtual bachelorette party when I realized that I was trying to do my makeup with a mirror in one hand, while typing up a document for work with my other hand! Here I was, getting ready for a very exciting life moment, and yet, my hands were glued to my keyboard. 

As an ambitious business owner, I’ve had to “reset” with myself several times. Last year, I had a deep realization that in order to become a real leader — not simply a manager — I needed to model the behavior that I’d like to see in our employees. Our company’s ethos revolves around slowing down and taking care, and I clearly was doing neither. This moment was a wake-up call for me.

 I quickly set to work on building a more sustainable workload for myself, and a team that could scale with me. I wrote down my strengths, weaknesses, and what I actually wanted to be doing at the company. I drew up a potential hiring plan to fill in the gaps, and made the decision to delegate several lines of work. As an introverted leader, I found that too many meetings were draining for me. I took a critical look at every meeting I was a part of, and began to take them off my calendar by delegating their management or re-evaluating the need for those projects altogether. To model “taking care,” I took over a week off after my wedding, as well as implemented a new tradition at our company called “Breaksgiving,” (an idea I took from Etsy), where we collectively take time to recharge. These traditions won’t be for everyone — in fact, I had a would-be investor respond to my “out of office” email saying that he isn't interested in investing in someone who is “not responsive.” Ultimately, that type of investor is in violation of our values, and is therefore not a fit. 

These are baby steps, but the biggest lesson I learned is that as a leader, you have to inspire, clarify, and empower your employees. I learned that I can’t do that when I’m too in-the-weeds of work (even when I’m passionate about it), nor can I do it when I’m not modeling the values of the company.” 

Actions speak louder than words. I’m vocal about creating a supportive work environment for moms. There’s no article, panel, or podcast that is more important than our company policies, though. What matters is our pumping room, the workday starting at 10 a.m. to accommodate school dropoff, and an understanding that you can always tend to a personal matter, even if it interferes with your schedule. If you have to go, we want you to go! Family comes first. 

Habits like waiting to check my email until after dropoff or pumping during meetings were simple to adopt. I had a long reset around leaving work at 6, though. I constantly felt like I needed a reason to go home: Gotta to be back to cook dinner! Have to catch my nanny! Why was I making excuses to leave at closing time? 

I felt a similar pressure to justify any personal time during the workday. It was just 20 minutes, I’d tell myself. When I heard my team mirror that language, I actively encouraged them to take all the time they need and afforded myself the same freedom. No longer holding myself to an insane schedule is something I am truly grateful for.  

We all deserve a feeling of authorship in our lives and careers. Every time we embrace it individually, we inspire each other to do the same. 

What is one value you aspire to embody on your team? Share your tips in the comments! 

I share all my You Can’t Make This Up moments in my new book, Fearless: The New Rules for Unlocking Creativity, Courage, and Success. It’s a collection of 21 rules that help me overcome my fears and turn my dreams into reality. I’m honored to share them and hope they do the same for you. You can learn more and pre-order it here!