Leadership: soft not hard. Soft is not weak!

On March 20, 2019, Vision Australia, a leading national provider of blindness and low vision services in Australia, had organised a one-of-its-kind event in Melbourne, an evening, aptly called Fashion, Leadership, and Wine. The evening epitomised breaking free - breaking free from stereotypes, breaking free from inhibitions and breaking free from what 'society' dictates we wear, say and do.

The room was packed with women who are blind or have low vision, who had come to not just hear the four speakers, but also to discuss tips and ideas on fashion and style, personal presentation and empowerment all while networking with like-minded people over a glass (or several) of wine.

I was one of the speakers and spoke on leadership. Having worked in the international humanitarian and development sector for 2 decades now, I know one thing for sure: anyone can be a leader - this ability transcends class, caste, creed, colour, disabilities, cultures, race, age.

I have seen kids as young as 10, having run away from their homes due to poverty, abuse or other reason, and surviving with as much dignity as they can muster on crude, cruel streets of Delhi in India, showing exemplary leadership. I have worked with these kids and have seen how they have mobilized again and again to demand safer "work" conditions in garbage dumps; and safer living conditions in municipal shelters.

In the villages of the Indo-Nepal border I have worked with women, who for the first time in their lives, some in the their 30's, most more than 45 years old, learnt to sign their name when we helped them in opening their first bank account. And they squeaked with glee seeing the utter surprise in the male bank officer's face when instead of taking the ink pad to put a thumb impression, they asked for a pen and signed!

I was extremely privileged to spend 6 magnificent days in the mountains of Papua New Guinea amongst all the women who contested the 2007 general elections. I co-designed and co-facilitated a week-long residential workshop on leadership. I felt puny amongst these inspiring women - I got lessons on leadership from them! In a staunchly male dominated society, these women dared to contest, most having not enough campaign money. All had a vision for a freer, fairer PNG. All had the gumption to put out everything they had to make a statement about their being - by participating in the election against men who had everything - money, muscle and patriarchal blessings! 

If I had to condense my experience of the last 20 years working in so many different cultures and contexts with thousands of women, men, girls and boys, and talk about the absolute vitals, the non-negotiables I learnt along the way to be an authentic version of myself, its this:

1. Be responsible. Take care of things yourself by figuring out what the problem is, what needs to be done, prioritise, articulate, seek help when needed. Analyze how best to handle a situation, take tough actions, do not feel guilty, do not allow others perception and critique to bog you down. 

How do you do that? 

Embrace yourself, with all your flaws and flairs and develop a super awesome, kickass internal GPS that leads you, one that tickles you and makes you come alive. I have learnt that the only way to do this is to value my self. When I value my self, I will invest in filling in, pruning, using fertilizer when needed...you get my point, right! Always remember that when the cabin pressure in an airplane goes down, we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, before helping anyone, including our child!

2. Have an insatiable curiosity:We are fortunate to live in a country that is not at war; we have infrastructure that is sophisticated and accessible; we have access to health care, education, clean drinking water, safe housing. How can we utilise all that we have to foster and feed our curiosity, our penchant for seeking out new experiences, and an openness to learn and change. I love to say, nothing is rocket science except rocket science itself. As I found myself moving from one role to another, I realised that even though I may not have a certain requirement for the role (either specific experience in a particular country context or issue), I do have common sense, critical thinking and a great thirst for learning. I picked up my skills on the job - and continue to do so!

3. Be engaged: reach out and connect with people. The combined voice of women is utterly powerful. By standing up for women in our workplaces and communities, we ensure we are not ignored. We are present and we will not tolerate bad male leadership as they continue to make decisions that are unsustainable, untenable and unjust.

Patriarchy remains a beast! The world economic forum says its going to take another 215 years to close the gender inequality gap. How insane is this!  But hope is vital and that's what makes us get up in the morning and go on with our day. And so I believe with total conviction what Angela Davies, the inspiring American political activist says, "you have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time."

The world needs more and more women in positions of power and making decisions. we all dont have to be well-known and celebrities. In our own ways - howsoever small, we chip away at patriarchy, we do things that are sustainable and just. The world needs leaders who are soft, not hard. Soft DOES NOT meant weak - leadership that is quiet, not loud, that is human based on touch and feel. Jacinda Arden has proven typically "feminine" behaviour is powerful, is needed. The world, without doubt needs feminist leadership.

4. Be determined:I have seen this again and again in the most impoverished of places - the skill, the ability to fight for difficult goals despite challenges and to bounce back from adversity; the fierce commitment to excel in the pursuit of unselfish goals.

It is normal to have doubts, but instead of talking yourself out of good opportunities, talk yourself into taking challenges.I feel tensed before a public-speaking engagement, and the "What-if" questions in my head aggravate it. 

“What if they don’t like me?”      “What if I go blank?" " what if I make a fool of myself?"

Endless!

I deal with self doubt by talking to myself, and sometimes talking to Naysa, my mighty little girl. Her sane counsel is refreshing.

A lot of women have these little talks with themselves. 

I remember prior to leaving for a lecture I was giving at Melbourne University, few months back, I voiced some of these concerns to Naysa.The wise owl looked at me and said, "take a deep breath, smile your lovely smile, be confident, and just be yourself. What can go wrong, Mum!"

That's right! What can possibly go wrong? I may stammer, show my nervousness in the beginning, may forget a few lines - and thats ok. Next time I can be better prepared!

What's truer than truth? A story! My story. Your story. What will your story be? Only you can answer that. 

Before I signed off, I reiterated that authentic power is that power which no one can take it from you. Whenever I feel the weight of the world on me, feel awful and unsure of myself, I do whatever it needs to be done, even pinching myself and saying, "am gonna get through this. I have to get through this! Come on, Woman, bloody get going!"I stopped letting fear rob me of an independent life long time back. 

I was rewarded by my mighty girl running to me to give me a hug as soon as I finished speaking. She told me, "I am so proud of you, Mum!"

What more could I ask for!