Leadership Requires a Willingness to Walk Alone

To have a vision is to believe in something only you can completely understand as its creator.

And that is a lonely place to be.?

A vision at its core is a unique interpretation of potential, but one of the laws of potential is that it can never be defined. So, the process of transmitting your vision, something that can set a direction but never be defined, to others can feel impossible when the most common byproducts of “success” are hard to come by. In those moments, all you want is for people to see a glimmer of what you see, so they can continue to believe.?

But that’s out of your control.?

But what’s in our control is giving everything to the next iteration.

Here are 5 mental frameworks that can help us transcend the loneliness of leadership and continue iterating towards our organization’s potential.

1. We Control Process, Not Outcomes

The timing of major breakthroughs and the experiencing of potential can never be predicted.

When we hope for an outcome (or expect it’s close), we inadvertently create an expectation. And expectations are defined outcomes, so in addition to not being able to predict when we will break through to a new level, potential is also something we can never define. Our motivations are pure–we want our people to be rewarded for their commitment and hard work–but expectations only serve to deter us from the process.?

Prioritize process and never let expectations deter you from your path.

2. Being Vulnerable Can Bring Up Insecurities That Aren’t Real

We all have core false beliefs that were useful during our childhood that no longer serve us as leaders.?

I wanted my team to have a real breakthrough at our most recent event, but when the expectation was not met (see #1), I felt distraught and alone. There wasn’t too much I would have done differently in retrospect, but I still felt guilt related to a core false belief from my childhood. Only in retrospect did I realize that I was really motivated to impress the parents, so I would win their approval and the admiration it engendered.?

Once I became aware of this, the feelings of disappointment and guilt melted away.

3. You Won’t Remember This a Year From Now

One of the most powerful frameworks I’ve ever come across is realizing that on a long-enough timescale, you will not remember the disappointment you feel in this current moment.?

You won’t remember the match, you’ll forget the details, and you might forget those involved. But what your players will remember is how you made them feel and the example you set. Just try and think about the last big disappointment you experienced, and how much that mattered then but doesn’t matter now.?

If you know this won’t matter in a year’s time, why would you carry its emotional baggage another second?

4. Do Not Take Yourself Too Seriously

Our egos can really morph our experience during these moments, especially with regards to how others judge our work.?

As the leader, you bear the responsibility for the work and ultimately the performances, but you are not responsible for how other people ultimately receive it. In these difficult and lonely moments, we can create a negative false narrative around how our leadership, parents, and players think about us. This is useless, mostly untrue and exacerbates the isolation you feel in that moment.?

How others receive your work should be none of our concern because it’s outside of your control and can only cause more suffering and feelings of loneliness.

5. If You Did Your Best, You Couldn’t Do More

If you gave everything to the moment, that needs to be enough.?

That doesn’t mean we were perfect on the day. Developers are constantly looking for next improvements that can help them grow as coaches and leaders, but if you did your best, then there isn’t anything you could have done differently. And if that’s the case, why would you hold onto any guilt or believe any false premise that you could have done more.?

Your job is to serve your people by giving everything to the iteration, so if you did that, you’ve done enough.

Final Words

“You lead by being willing to walk alone” -Naval Ravikant

As much as we collaborate, motivate, and work with our people, we do it alone and carry the responsibility that comes with that. But in those moments, we can never let loneliness deter us from our potential. Development requires endurance above all things, and our ability to keep showing up and giving our best to the next iteration regardless of circumstance is life in a nutshell.?

It’s also the most inspiring thing we can model to our people.

Always be convicted in your path and always stay true to your vision because it will grant others the necessary courage to do the same.

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