Leadership and pretending everything is OK

“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

- How are you?

- Well thank you. I feel like crap, but I am proud.

It’s not enough that there is, was firefighting in the office, now things at home fall more on your shoulders, too. Somewhere I heard that the epidemic amplifies everything. And I tend to agree with that. What has worked well so far is still working well, and what has been bumpy so far, is now bleeding from even more wounds.

You keep showing that everything is fine. Your head often hurts, you can’t sleep because your brain is all over the place. Your back, your shoulders, your neck hurt from the burdens you carry. Your stomach cramps because you can’t digest what you’re in. You clear throat a hundred times a day or it’s just dry regularly because you are fed up. Not to mention the more serious cases, which can end in a hospital and even mean several months of involuntary rest.

It happened to me a couple of years ago. I started at a new job, just started about a month before, when I had a health condition that looked like I was going to need surgery. During probation period… a surgery never comes at a good time, but then it (would have) come at a particularly bad time. So I gathered all my courage and sat down with my boss to discuss the situation. And her reaction? Of course, just go, fix yourself, heal, and come back. Even today, I see myself sitting in the meeting room facing each other and I feel relieved how my boss treated me.

This can happen to anyone. At the end of the day, we are all humans, not robots. And while we strive for continued excellent performance, sometimes there are weaker days, ups and downs, or even days when we don’t feel like doing anything. And if stress surrounds us constantly, if our energy continuously goes away with maintaining the appearance of perfection to the outer world, it can be very tiring on the long run.

Have you noticed that people usually talk about their difficulties after they have overcome them and solved the situations? Whether we are experiencing financial difficulties, or have problems with our physical or mental health, or are in storms of private life. When we’re in it, we’re kind of ashamed that something is wrong. We don’t want pity from the other, or God knows what we are afraid of. The fact that we get help, support, compassion, because the other has already been in such shoes, or that we might already be relieved if we didn’t have to carry our “secrets” with us in an invisible backpack usually does not occur to us so easily.

Because it's risky to tell. Because what will they say? Will they be judgmental? Will I get stigmatized? Will I lose my credibility and become unreliable?

But what if it doesn't happen? What if the opposite happens? We tend to identify the word risk with something negative, even though it just means that the outcome is not sure. And based on these, of course, it can also be positive. That we eventually win by doing that particular thing.

Honesty. Credibility. Taking on myself. Three words to think about any time. During or apart from lockdown. In connection with it or independently.

Honesty

What message does that send to the organization when everyone sees that the king is naked, but the king still behaves as if he had the most beautiful gown? If I feel blue because I have some health conditions/my dad died/or there’s been too much of everything lately and I want to hide from the world to catch my breath, can’t I tell my manager because it’s not part of the corporate culture?

Credibility

What makes me authentic? Does my credibility diminish when I talk about my difficulties, that while I strive to do my job 100%, there is something else in my life that I also need to pay attention to, or want to pay attention to sorting out and then be able to do my job with renewed energy?

Taking on myself

This may seem daunting at first. After all, so far you have created some image of yourself that was a good professional, a cool leader. With whom everything is always okay, he is energetic, helpful, creative, you can count on him. It doesn’t fit this picture that you too might have difficulties with something. On the other hand, if you think about it, there is a concept that is always important in every situation, and that is the trust - I enjoy the trust of my environment so much that I can show my true self, and I have enough self-confidence to talk about my less pleasant stuffs. And it is possible to start in another direction from here.

What kind of company do you want? Where acceptance is valued and not judgment? Where a leader can have a bad day and no one will crucify him for it. It will not make you irrational or unreasonable. You may simply step into the background a bit, engage more staff to complete the tasks, to give yourself more time to sort out your life. Because he allows himself not to be perfect, to have emotions, and to linger in his thoughts a little longer.

So my questions for today are:

• What are you trying to hide from others and it distracts you?
• What consequences are you afraid of talking to someone about this at or outside your workplace?
• What positive changes would it bring to you if you told someone?
• What new opportunities would open up for you and your environment?
• How can bringing your condition to the surface contribute to the development of the community and the corporate culture?

And the point is to dare to think uniquely and keep the fire within us.