Leadership: The Obstacle Is the Way

(This was originally written in September, so please excuse an places where this might feel out-of-date).

Wassup ya'll,

So I wanted to take a moment to follow up with a recent post I made about losing my job due to a layoff. (Dont worry, this is hopeful)

Preface

I've got to say, I'm incredibly grateful for the people in my life who love me and constantly remind me that I'm neither small nor helpless. Your support means the world to me. ??

I also want to be transparent with you all - I don't harbor any hard feelings about suddenly finding myself in a job hunt. And I don't expect anyone to feel that way on my behalf either.

The reason I write is because for most of my life I've been a heavy internalizer and a chronic people-pleaser. To be frank, I also tend to live with a constant feeling of being very powerless, even in the context of an arguably very successful career.

In my life-story it's always been my voice that makes me feel strong and courageous, especially during really painful times.

Previously I made a post about loosing my job and needing support to help build the next chapter. And I've decided to keep that post up, because It's my truth and right to do so.

???? Here's the post: https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/materdev_queer-black-opportunities-activity-7240514460610654208-04LY

I stand by my writing and I completely understand if that makes things awkward, or if there are people who would prefer something different. I have a lot of empathy and I feel like this is a really difficult moment for a lot of people, not just myself.

Sometimes its hard to know exactly what to do, but we all have a voice and you have to trust your instincts sometimes.

I used to be a person who suffered in silence and hid in a corner during tough moments. But thats not me anymore.

However, I do feel like there is more to say, because this is really about me trying to do my best to figure out the future. And after a lot of contemplation and prayer this is what i came up with...

EDIT//

Originally I wrote this post more than 2 months ago. I have one additional thought I wanted to inject into this article.

Trying to do the right thing in a bad situation is no small task. Today, one of my students thanked me for showing up with a good attitude and the courage to remain positive despite the challenges we’re all facing. That moment stayed with me—it reminded me why I do this work.

To those I’ve had the privilege of supporting, I want to speak directly:

"A leader and teacher doesn’t just know the way forward—they show the way. They model resilience, compassion, and the grit it takes to keep moving. That’s the standard I’ve tried to uphold, and out of all the lessons I’ve taught, I hope you see that I understand.

I’ve been where you are. I’ve walked those same halls, slept on those same couches after sleepless nights, and felt the weight of trying to make an education work when the stakes were impossibly high. That’s why this situation breaks my heart—I know you deserve better.

My sincerest hope is that you continue to work together. I can’t stress this enough: if you work together, you have power. A bad situation can be transformed into something meaningful when voices unite. I’ve seen it happen, and I know it to be true.

A single voice can be dismissed or ignored, but together you’re impossible to overlook. Whether it’s in this situation or in your careers, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourselves. Advocate for what you deserve, what you’ve worked for, and what is just.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: empathy and understanding for others doesn’t erase your own needs or the harm being done. Advocate ceaselessly—for yourselves and for one another. That’s where your power lies."

?? You’ve got this. ??

Empathy and understanding for others, or for a business, do not erase your real needs or the harms that are being caused. So, therefore be ceaseless in advocating for yourselves and each other. We work for you...

END-EDIT//

Shit Happens.

I don't want to be just another person who gets online and focuses on the complaining. That would do very little to fix the problem. The best I can do is learn from other people's mistakes and try to build something great.

When you don't feel heard or seen that can be life's way of saying, "just do it yourself".

I want to be known as a person who took a really unfortunate situation and made something powerful out of it.

Even though going back to work today was tough and awkward, I actually feel quite liberated. This is probably the first time in my life when I've stood up for myself in a really difficult situation, and it feels amazing and scary at the same time.

All I can do is my best and trust myself and my resources.

"Do your best and leave the rest. -Jennifer Lewis"

?? I wanna share some tea...

???? For the past few months, I've been privately praying for a change. Why? Because I've always felt this untapped potential within me, yet I've been held back by fear and a sense of smallness in the face of big business and competition.

When I prayed about this over lunch, what came to me is that this is happening "For" me, not "To" me. When it comes to business, people make hard choices based on the reality of simply being a human that is trying to make things work so they can eat.

Right now people are afraid- even the people who we often look at and think so highly of. I think this is true in many situations similar to mine, so I try to keep that in mind. People cut to save themselves.

I don't think it has to be that way. But at least that explains the primal reality.

I can see in hindsight that this is why anyone, including a leader, might occasionally make the wrong decision.

That's something i remember learning from a really incredible book, The Leadership Shadow by. Erik De Haan & Anthony Kasozi

???? Here is the lesson I've learned so far:

There are things in life you want and need, but no one else can give them to you - especially if they're struggling themselves. It's a tough pill to swallow, particularly when you're in a close-knit, vulnerable environment that inspires feelings of family and camaraderie.

I have a tendency to take things like Trust, Commitment, and Loyalty very seriously. And sometimes when companies spend a lot of energy engendering these feelings I interpret things in a very Literal way (because I'm on the spectrum). Business relationships can become very painful when you suddenly discover you are outside of the circle of protection- especially after sacrificing so much and working so hard.

(Hopefully that is a relatable perspective. I know many of you can relate.)

The key to moving forward is persistence, self-love, self-ownership, and having some moxie when needed.

???? From this point on...

I'm going to live exactly by the things I've tried to instill in my students and mentees ever since I began making People-Helping my personal mission 6 years ago.

In fact, in a recent Leadership class we made commitments for how we want to move forward. Mine was to model the values and innovation I try to encourage in those whose talent I nurture.

I don't know exactly what the future holds, and thats terrifying. But, I'm stepping into my power now.

I'm a teacher and a leader, and no one can take that from me or give that to me. It's who I am. It's my purpose in life and my deepest passion. Plus, I'm freaking amazing at it!

Recently I turned 35 years old, and my primary goal this next year is to roll with the punches and fight for the life I truly want. That's means going inside to discover and tap into the Primal Fire within.

It's about to get real, and I'm here for it. Please keep watching and know that your support and love really get me through times like this. And I promise I wont disappoint.

This is life inviting me to shine on my own, and I'm prepared to do so without holding back. ?

Lastly, the wisdom I take with me comes from an excellent book by Ryan Holiday. Hopefully this will also inspire you too in your own life story.

Passionately,

?? ...(key)