Leadership: The Narcissistic Leader

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” Samuel Johnson

Narcissism is a psychological disorder that has been defined by DSM IV – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – as including:

• An exaggerated sense of one’s own abilities and achievement
• A constant need for attention, affirmation and praise
• A belief that he or she is unique  or “special” and should only associate with other people of the same status
• Persistent fantasies about attaining success and power
• Exploiting other people for personal gain
• A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment
• A preoccupation with power or success
• Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of him or her
• A lack of empathy for others.

Narcissism can be found in 1-2% of the general population.

Dealing with a narcissistic personality whether at work or home can be a confusing and challenging business.   As a work colleague, family member or partner it can be a while before one realizes that who you are dealing with is someone outside the realms of normal human exchange.

One reason for this is the narcissist’s charm, which gets used to engage then manipulate others to win.

Narcissists are masters at using superficial charm to stroke the egos of whoever they have targeted – workmates or their wider contacts.  Ideas and opportunities get dangled and help enlisted – if you could just do this small favour for them. For example, a good word in the boss’s ear or access to resources because of their high potential.

In relationships, narcissists know exactly which emotional strings and soft spots to target.  They will make a point of highlighting how they are ‘helping you’ when all the time they are getting what they want.

Narcissists, sociopathic and psychopathic personalities have no qualms or sense of fairness and integrity as they weave their small and big lies, manipulate, and influence others “to win.”

Workmates can feel confused as they find themselves suddenly dropped by the person who they thought they had a special friendship or connection with.

This happens once the person’s use is over and there is someone more powerful with resources and information that they can charm their way into.

Narcissists have very little empathy for others feelings or needs. They have a strong sense of entitlement, grandiose beliefs and attitudes and tend to be takers.

In their world view, the “other’ is rarely a separate identity but more extension of their own self serving needs and fulfillment.

They can even pride themselves as being ‘lay psychologist’- their MO.

If you find you are dealing with someone who is extremely charming initially but is basically quite selfish, who uses others, who mouths the right words but without follow through and who struggles with the concept of responsibility and accountability, then take a step back – you could be dealing with a narcissist.

Naming this can be the needed powerful first step along with setting boundaries and other actions you may take.

If this topic is of interest to you, you may wish to read, “Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths go to work” by Paul Babiak, an industrial-organisational psychologist and Robert Hare, a world-renowned expert on psychopathy.

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Other leadership posts you might find of value:

Leadership: Manage Your Emotions

7 tips for developing your Emotional Intelligence

How to Influence with Integrity

A sense of entitlement is not good leadership

Creativity in Leadership and Entrepreneurship

As a leadership coach, team facilitator and speaker, I love working with organisations and savvy managers and leaders to grow their emotional intelligence (EQ/EI) and engage their teams better. I also speak to different audiences on such topics including finding and living our mojo, emotional intelligence and leadership and life transitions.

You can contact me at +64 27 280 3335 or [email protected]