Leadership Mistakes I’ve Made from Good Intentions – So You Don’t Have To!

Leadership is like art, cooking, and golf. You can never perfect it. You can only ever improve.?

From what I’ve witnessed, and the leaders I’ve watched and coached, I believe most come to work with honest, good intentions to do their best.

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I also believe there’s an underlying problem.

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We don’t do a good enough job of setting leaders up for success. Most leaders learn by trial and error. But, many also work in places where errors are not allowed. They cost too much time, resources, and…gulp…money!

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This only makes matters worse. For both the business’ and leaders’ development.

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Ineffective leaders = ineffective teams.

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Research and consultant group, Gallup, conducted a meta-analysis of 1.2m employees across 22,000 business units . They found team leaders account for at least 70% of the variance in team engagement. 70%!

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Engaged teams are more productive, have lower turnover rates, and deliver better customer outcomes.

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Google also conducted a similar, investigative study . Despite its mysterious, Mission: Impossible name, “Project Aristotle”, it openly revealed the determining factors of successful teams.

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The most important: psychological safety. A factor strongly influenced by a leader’s behavior and leadership style.

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These findings also link very closely to Leader-Member Exchange Theory (LMX) .

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In short, LMX theory suggests the quality of a relationship between a leader and their team members influences the team’s effectiveness.

Therefore, high-quality leader-member relationships, characterized by trust, mutual respect, and support, result in better team performance, increased satisfaction, and reduced turnover.

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So, leadership effectiveness is extremely important. Not just to teams. Not just to organizations. But to the leaders themselves too.

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We all make mistakes. We’re human.

Our brain plays tricks on us every day. Be good to yourself. Even with good intentions to be nice, inclusive, and empathetic, we can still get this wrong...and that's OK.

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I’ll put my hand up. I’ve got it wrong too. But I’m going to share those mistakes with you so that you don’t have to make the same ones!

For those who support leaders in HR, these mistakes are also where we can help them by providing effective training and coaching on the skills to overcome these common pitfalls.

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I recently saw a post from Tony Gambill at Clearview Leadership, a thought leader in this space, which really hit home.

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4 Leadership Mistakes Caused by Good Intentions

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As Founder and CEO of DX Learning, a fast-growing leadership training organization, I have a team I serve. I also serve my customers, suppliers, and, of course, my own family.

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I also teach this leadership stuff. I should know better when it comes to leadership!

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Tony’s “4 Leadership Mistakes Caused by Good Intentions” was like having a coach strapped to my side for the last 12 months. It literally summarized what I failed at, what I’m working on, and improving.

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I’ve personally fallen victim to all four of these over the last year of leading DX Learning .

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1.???Dark empathy can get in the way of leading

Controversy alert: Be a little selfish sometimes.

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I’ve given my team everything. They all deserve it, they’re a bunch of wonderful folks. But, you can't lead effectively if you don't have time in your busy schedule to care for yourself.

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Effective leadership = effective teams. When you spend all your time “being there” for your team, you lose balance.

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I want everyone I serve to be happy and fulfilled. I want them to be in a good place, or help them get there. To do that, I have to learn about them as humans. Their pain becomes my pain. It’s hard to harbor all that. I have my pain too. We all do! You, as a leader, have needs too. At some point all that empathy for others will drag you down, as it did to me.

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Put some guidelines in place. Make sure you have downtime. Make sure you have an outlet and someone to talk to. Make sure you feel empathized. It’s OK to be a little vulnerable. We’re human, remember?

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2.???I’m a yes person

If you’re saying yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else. Vice versa.

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Sometimes in business, there are limited resources, and you must use those resources wisely to stay focused, efficient and avoid burnout. I’ve worked hard on this and, fortunately, have some accountability partners to keep me on track now.

You can't do it all yourself. Being a pleaser of humans, means I want to say yes to everything. But this causes an unhappy team.

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I said yes to jobs which meant there weren’t enough resources for other jobs. Be very mindful of your decisions. This is why clarity is so important. With clear goals and purpose, you only say yes to things that support those goals and purpose.

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3.???Fixing things for my team when I shouldn’t

I just took four weeks off for the first time since DX was born. As well as a much-needed vacation and family time, I wanted to prove the team could handle everything. I was right. They aced it.

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You need to let the team learn and make their own mistakes, just as I have. So long as there are boundaries, there’s not much that can happen that can’t be repaired. I enjoy helping but tying your kids’ shoelaces when they’re late for school, means they’re not learning and figuring out how to tie their laces.

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So, give your team a chance, and give yourself some time back. Let go.

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4.???No Conflict. No Accountability. No Clarity.

Conflict and accountability go together. I suck at conflict. I’m terrible at providing clarity. When you don’t set clear goals and timelines, inevitably, things will go in a different direction.

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My thinking is always, “I won’t be overbearing. They’ll succeed. I’ll just give them another week.” Then another week. Another.

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A little clarity goes a long way to set well-defined goals and milestones and making people accountable for achieving them. Once you shake on something, you shake on it. It’s their responsibility. Often, I’ve had to step in, but that’s my job. Define success, let them do their best, and only get involved when things fall outside clearly stated boundaries. But you must have crystal clear clarity on the goal and stated boundaries.

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My mistakes have made me stronger and a better leader. My mistakes are just what make me, like you, a human. Even with the best of intentions, we still screw up. Be OK with that.

Leadership is like art, cooking, and golf. You’ll never be perfect, and every day is a learning day.?