Leadership Meltdown

You class yourself as an outstanding Moral Authority Leader. You are the paragon of cool and calm under pressure. But something has gone wrong, maybe in business or your personal life, and unfortunately you did not handle it with the grace and dignity you had hoped for. Oh no, it was quite the opposite. You were not cool and calm under pressure, you had a complete and utter meltdown. You blew your top. You ranted, you raved, and you said things quite loudly, and shall we say bluntly, about the boss, other colleagues, a customer or any other person in the immediate area. You may have gone so far that to destroy something. Whatever you did it, it was a doozy and will be talked about throughout the workplace for the next few weeks.

Now that you have had time to calm down you are starting to see that what you did was not the best. You are starting to wish that you could go back in time and stop yourself before you start, but that is just not possible. So where now from here? 

Well, as long as you did not hit anyone or do any serious criminal damage, you most likely still have your job. If things are criminal, I’m sorry but I can't help you, except to say, get a lawyer. But if the handcuffs are not on then, the first thing that will hit you on the come down from your rant will be embarrassment. That is perfectly normal. Just ask Rusty.

In 2005 Russle Crowe had a fantastic dummy spit that led to him being arrested and having the whole thing played out across the media. Crowe was staying in a $3,000-a-night suite, and when he was unable to place a call to his wife, he went to the lobby. There he grew more frustrated and in the heat of it all, he threw the telephone at an employee behind the desk, cutting him below the right eye. Russell blamed a combination of "jetlag, loneliness and adrenalin" for the meltdown that left him facing possible jail or deportation from the United States.

After Crowe had time to cool off in the cells, he was able to better understand what he had done and, just like the rest of us, became extremely embarrassed by the whole thing. "I'm in a lot of trouble, I'll do my best to solve the situation in an Honorable way. I'm very sorry for my actions," he later told the press. 

Just like Russell Crowe, after our meltdown we will feel embarrassed for what we said and the way we acted. However, do not let feelings of shame creep in and do not berate yourself. Yes, you could have done things better, but do not run yourself down. Those feelings do not help us to grow.

The truth of the matter is, No matter how good we like to think we may be at handling various situations, we are still emotional beings that can be pushed past our limits. Everybody, no matter who they are, will do this at least once in their life. So it’s ok to feel embarrassed but not ashamed. Shame leads to beating ourselves up, and not taking responsibility. We get so caught up in belittling ourselves that we don't look to what we could have done better, and how we are going to move forward. 

To be able to move forward from what you have done, the first thing to do as a Moral Authority Leader is apologize to all those that heard and saw you outstanding display. You need to show that even after what you have done, that you still do have standards, and apologizing is one of them. It doesn’t matter if you are the CEO or and employee, you need to apologize. No matter how you feel about the people your anger was directed at, you need to make a sincere face to face apology to them. Yes, it will mean that you will need to eat a rather large slice of humble pie, but that is the sign of a leader who is willing to learn from their mistakes. It's through acceptance of your inappropriate conduct that you develop humility and will start taking more responsibility for your actions.

Now some people will accept your apology and others won't. Why that happens is not important, just know you cannot make people accept your apology. The person that copped your anger may have a go back at you. Just take it on the chin. You cannot really blame them for being angry. With a bit of luck they may be magnanimous, if they are great, learn from it and see that as a standard you can work towards. However, no matter what happens, give the apology and let things work themselves out. 

When giving you apology remember, it's not about the other person. It’s not about them accepting it or not. An apology is about you owning up to your less than stellar performance and taking responsibility. It is one of the hardest things to do. It is exactly what KFC had to do in 2018.

When you are known for selling chicken it can be very embarrassing when you do not have your main ingredient. In February KFC ran out of chicken and had to temporarily shut down its 900 restaurants in the UK. KFC took a risk by adding humor to its apology in a masterful and self-deprecating way. It took out a full-page ad in London newspapers that simply showed its signature chicken bucket with a re-worked logo: “FCK.” Paired with a brief explanation of the problem and a vow that it wouldn’t happen again, KFC was able to keep going and not lose to many customers

On a side note, when you need to apologise, just be straight with the people. It may have worked for KFC, but it will not work for you. All it will do is show a lack of responsibility for you actions. 

It's through that responsibility that we can learn and grow as a Moral Authority Leader. What we need to accept at this point is that our blow up is 100% our fault. The other person or situation is not to blame no matter may have happened. Our lack of willingness to try a different approach or ask for help is the core of the proble

Let’s take a moment to look at the heart of the matter about what allowed us to lose control. Speaking from plenty of experience,I understand that every time we blow up, it is because of our ego. Our ego would not let us let the other person to win the argument, or allow us to ask for help in dealing with the situation. During the confrontation we were determined to prove that we were right, that we were better and that we were in control, knowing all along that we weren't. Our ego is what pushed us over the edge. Or our lack of control over our ego that is.

So how do we get on top of our ego so that it doesn't take us down this path again?

Confidence and humility. Confidence in our own knowledge and abilities. Humility to allow ourselves to admit that we have limitations in our knowledge and abilities, and being willing enough to ask for help and guidance no matter where you are in the organization. Or at the very least, the confidence and humility to walk away from a problem and take time to let your anger pass. There is more to it than that for both confidence and humility but that is a great place to start.

But for now, do the honorable thing, fall on your sword and apologise. If you try to divert the blame, it will only make matters worse, and ruin your credibility as a leader. Once you have apologised, then you can crawl off into the deep dark corner of the workplace and lick your wounds. As I said before, don't run yourself down, just ask yourself, “How can I get better?”, “How and what can I learn from this?” and, “How can I apply it in the future?”

As for the whole incident, in time things will be forgotten. Most people no longer remember Crowes phone throwing incident and only think of his outstanding movies. And like Crowe, your delightful display in front of everyone will only interest them for a very short period of time. Other than that people have their own issues to deal with. By tomorrow you are yesterday's news.

In the interim you may have lost some dignity, and you will have also lost some trust and respect from your colleagues. It will return over time, but only if you do apologize, take responsibility and get on with the job. If you are in a Moral Authority Leadership position you need to be open and honest about it all. If you try to hide it or stop people talking about it, it will only make it worse and create more gossip and greater lack of trust. Plus, do you want to spend your time creating a bigger problem or do you want to move on?

Take time to learn from your dummy spit. Help it to set some new standards for yourself (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/standards-develop-leaders-terry-shadwell/). Then over time, teach others how to handle similar situations so that they do not have to go through the same thing. Help those who do, unfortunately, have there own disastrous moment to learn from it as well and to set their new standards. And remember in the area of personal development and leadership, we grow more when things go wrong, if we learn from them, than in the good times. And I have had a lot of learning opportunities.

 If you would like to know more about Terry’s work and the possibility of mentorship please contact him.

Terry Shadwell

Helping People Help Themselves So They Can Lead a Greater Life