Leadership Lessons from Parenting: Setting Boundaries, Driving Performance, and an Offer to Elevate Your Team
Jaime Torchiana, M.S.
President, Exemplary Performance?? Marquis Who's Who in America USAT Team and 3X All-American Duathlete??
For the past 6 weeks, I’ve endured daily requests, pleas, bargains, compromises, spirited debates (with podiums – I’m not joking!), PowerPoint presentations, and white board diagrams explaining why Allegra (14), now a freshman in high school, “needs” Snapchat. Being a parent persuaded more by research, data, personal history, and observations more than popular opinion, my answer has always been “I hear why you think you need to have it, but I don’t think it’s best for you, so, my answer is no.”
My reasoning, and what might make me very unpopular among readers and spark some sensitivity, is the fact that I firmly believe that my number one job isn’t to make Allegra happy. My number one job is to love her unconditionally, listen, support, coach, challenge, and set boundaries, as appropriate, so that she can develop the tools and capacity to live into her full potential as an adult.
As a parent, I believe I have clarity around my job.
“And my reflection of doing my job, is doing my job, not my child’s reaction to me doing my job.” Dr. Becky of the Good Inside podcast.
This translates directly to leadership in organizations.
Leaders, like parents, must recognize that setting clear standards for performance isn't about making everyone "happy" in the moment; it’s about establishing frameworks that foster long-term growth and performance. Just as maximizing ease in childhood can lead to fragile adults, creating a work environment without challenge or accountability risks building teams that are entitled and underprepared – for innovation, competition, and navigating market disruptions.
Leadership is about knowing when to coach, when to hold folks accountable, when to supportively challenge, and when to listen. Leaders must operate with a strong sense of their values, confident that the actions they take today will cultivate resilient, high-performing teams tomorrow. Any tension we feel when fulfilling these obligations may not be from the anticipated behavior of our teams or our decision’s consequences – it may actually be our discomfort and lack of clarity regarding our role in the moment.
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Project Manager | Problem Solver | Data Visualizer | Learner
1 个月This is spot on, Jaime. I’ve seen firsthand how this tool, when combined with the right guidance, helps leaders gain much-needed clarity around their own strengths, motivations, and areas for growth. That clarity is such a crucial first step—it allows leaders to lead themselves with confidence, which naturally extends to how they lead others. The insights from assessments like these can be transformative, especially when they’re paired with meaningful reflection and intentional action. I know this offering will have a powerful impact for those who take advantage of it!
Presidents Club | Authentic Leader | Problem Solver | Customer Focus | Empowering Solutions | Strategic Partner
1 个月I was the “mean” mom bc for all my 5 children, they did not receive a cell phone until they were in 8th grade/13 years old! Love your family/business connections- you will never please everyone in your organization. Whoever made up the phrase, “one size fits all” is rarely true in life, let alone clothing! ??