Leadership Lessons from My Father, Ole Orbeta 1927-2020

My father, who I fondly called papa, did what he always did, go quietly, peacefully and nary a complaint or fuss. He looked like he had just fallen asleep surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him back. A befitting end to a remarkable man who was loving, caring, humble, courageous, wise, hard-working and generous. And I miss him every single day.

As I think about my papa’s legacy, I see strong parallel qualities in great leaders I work with and his qualities.  As a HR leader for a tech company in Asia Pacific, Japan and China, I have the opportunity to observe up close great leaders and realized that my papa had several qualities that distinguished him as a great leader and person. 

My papa’s towering superpower was his positivity. He always came with a mindset that no matter what the situation is, good or bad, there will be a positive outcome. He saw the best in everyone. And when we made mistakes, he always looked at us with concern and compassion rather than condemnation, understanding that we are after all imperfect human beings. I was undergoing personal difficulties at one point in my life and he said to me “I will always stand proudly next to you no matter how bad the situation is. I will be by your side.” He also empowered by not giving orders or answers but rather guidance and time to learn. I recall a time when I was in elementary school and struggled with some homework. He taught me how to solve the problems but he never gave me the answers. He believed in me. He empowered, he cared and he supported me. This is what inspiring leaders do.  

My papa had tremendous courage. In 1944, three years after the Japanese invaded the Philippines, my papa decided to run away from home, join the guerrillas and fight in the war. He left the house one night with a friend and went to the province of Pagsangjan, where young people were congregating to join the battle and fight. A group called “Makapili,” Filipinos who spied for the Japanese, captured my father and his friend and turned them over to the Japanese army to be executed the next day. He prayed and prayed for a miracle and that came in form of an elderly female judge, Justice Milagros Herman from Binan, Laguna, who took pity on them. She convinced the army general that these boys were too young to execute and that she would take them away and take care of them. She released them the next day and were spared from death. Strong leaders take big risks and have the courage to fight for what they think is right.  

My papa was someone who valued curiosity and continuous learning. He was a voracious reader. He read all the newspapers cover to cover every day and read a ton of religious books. He was never done learning, always wanted to learn more and improve his knowledge. He was curious about things happening in the world. He was a walking encyclopedia of current events. He continuously nourished his mind. Until the day he died, he was still reading the newspapers. His mind was always strong even though his body became weaker and weaker each day. A testament to his commitment to continuous learning. Learning agility is one of the strongest indicators of successful leaders.  

My papa believed in working hard at a very young age and gave me my first job so that I learned the value of work. I was in 5th grade when he asked me to come to his office and help his secretary with her job. My first task was to complete price quotes for his customers on a paper quote sheet using a calculator. I did that for many weeks until I got it 100% right. I was determined to get it right so that I get to learn to use the telex machine. The day he taught me how to use the telex machine was one of the happiest days of my life. I loved that tac tac tac tac tac sound and watching the paper tape with holes getting longer and longer. When the tape stopped, I had to check that I had typed the orders correctly or I would have to start over. Those were some of the happiest times of my working life. Research shows that having a job very early in life is a strong predictor of success. Little did I know back then that this was his intention all along?

In addition to working hard, being the best is something that came naturally to my papa. He excelled in both sports and academics. He was a star basketball player, a star soccer player and a lead theater actor for Father James Reuter, who was a writer, director, producer of theater and film (photo above left). He worked hard to be the best in all these things. One notable story came from Jesuit leader, Father Bert Ampil, one of his former classmates (photo above right). One of his Jesuit teachers, Father John Delaney, wanted to test my papa’s ability to be as good off the field or court as he was on it. He asked him to memorize a 182-line poem called the “The Hound of Heaven” by Francis Thompson, a beautiful and haunting ode about the pursuit of a sinner by God, to be recited in an assembly. Much to Father Delaney’s surprise, my papa delivered the poem perfectly and flawlessly without a single mistake and delivered it like a true professional actor to a silent and mesmerized audience. He worked hard to deliver to the best of his ability and to prove he had the mental capability to do so in addition to his athletic prowess.  

My papa was authentic and ethical. He was not motivated by status or wealth but rather by spending quality time with his family and playing the role of husband, father, grandfather, brother and friend. I remember a time when he had the opportunity to make a lot of money on a dodgy deal and he chose not to do it because he was uncompromising. He cared deeply about doing what is right and doing the right thing all the time. He never compromised his standards, his ethics and his beliefs. One of my parent’s strongest beliefs is in the value of education. Both gave us access to pursue higher studies. He even applied his high standards in the kitchen. He had a passion for cooking amazing Spanish food. We loved his Fabada, always a crowd favorite. He would go around the stores to hunt for best ingredients. He never compromised and he never eased up on the garlic, chorizo and olive oil. But we all dreaded cleaning up after him because he used all the pots and pans in the kitchen every time he cooked! 

Finally, there is a piousness and spirituality about him that transcended religion. Devout but not fanatic in keeping with his Jesuit upbringing. One night on the 23rd of February 1986, in the middle of the People Power Revolution, my parents received a call from two of their good friends to ask them if they wanted a baby. Their immediate response, without even a second pause, was “of course.” Their friends said they would be in our house in 20 minutes and arrived with the most beautiful but very malnourished baby girl. My mama immediately told papa to run to the pharmacy to buy formula, diapers and anything that the baby needed for the night. He arrived at the drugstore and it was closed for the night. But the lights were on and he saw some people inside. He knocked and screamed as loudly as he could and begged them to let him in. And they did. The rest is history. My nephews, Lukee and Kylian, are here with us today because of their values. Papa was a man for others and was a guiding light for us in how he worked, lived, and played. He role modeled leadership at its best.

We have a lot to be thankful and grateful for as we celebrate my papa’s life. We are thankful for having a wonderful father for many, many years. We are thankful for his love and the love he showered on mama, our family, friends and the community. We are thankful for the gift of education both papa and mama gave to our family. We are thankful for all the wonderful memories we will carry with us always. We are thankful he gave us a happy and loving home. We are thankful for all the good times, the laughter, and sometimes the tears. We are thankful for making us feel safe and secure. We are thankful for all the lessons he passed down to us that we hope to pay back in generations to come. There is so much more to say but most of all we are thankful for my papa just being himself. 

Papa, you are a gentle giant that will always loom larger than life in our minds and hearts. You will be missed but we celebrate you and your legacy. At 93 we thought it was enough and that you lived your life to the fullest. But with you papa, time with you is never enough. We will always want more.  Rest well my angel pappy and pray for us always.