Leadership and the Language of Love: A Guide to Workplace Connection

How Leaders Can Use Love Languages to create a Thriving Workplace

The need to belong is a basic need and we all long for it. Sometimes when we don’t get it, it becomes a huge pressure to be able to fit in an organization. We try hard so that we get accepted by a certain group of people or department. Usually, this constant struggle to fit in remains silent at subconscious level and creates unwanted ripples in our everyday work. As leaders when you understand this struggle to fit in and the basic need to belong, you decide to connect first. You operate on the premise of empathy, so that you connect faster and better.

In case you don’t know the language of a person who understands that language only; you will not be able to connect with that person, at least not in a faster and better way. You will struggle a lot, and it will be the same?for the other person as well. The simple solution here is to learn the language, become proficient in it and start connecting with the person in their language. Research has found that love has five languages that all of us prefer to use and eventually two of those languages become our favorite.

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages has mentioned about how we love to give and receive love. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts. According to Gary we all need love yet the actions we associate with love are different. As a result, even if two people are showing love to each other yet both might feel that they are not receiving love at all. He also describes a beautiful concept called ‘Love Tank’; our love tank is filled when we?receive love and similarly, we fill someone’s love tank by loving them in the way they love to; in their preferred love language.

Let’s see how we leaders can apply these five love languages at work

towards better culture; a culture of connect, cohesiveness and collaboration.

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1.?????? Words of affirmation: It involves appreciation, encouragement, recognition through verbal or written communication. As leaders you can write handwritten appreciation notes, recognize someone’s effort through a certificate of excellence, write a thank you letter to the employee’s?family for their support.

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2.????? Quality Time: It is all about having undivided attention and meaningful engagement where the other person feels heard and valued. As leaders you can have regular one-on-one meetings where they can discuss their goals and challenges. You can create a psychological safety net for people where they feel safe to share their opinions, apprehensions and assumptions.

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3.????? Receiving Gifts: Apart from actual gifts it also means meaningful gestures. As leaders when you give a personalized mug or pen you connect with your people through their love language. It can be a memento, an ergonomic chair for an employee with back pain and so on. When you empathize, you connect meaningfully and make a difference.

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4.????? Physical touch: It means respectful gestures which are culturally appropriate and morale boosters. As leaders you can extend a firm handshake, an enthusiastic high-five, pat on the back or a warm hug to show your support in challenging times.

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5.????? Acts of Service: It is about expressing love through helpful collaborative actions rather than words. It is about coming together as a team?and making a difference. As leaders you can go for a trek together, do some charitable or community development work, offer mentorship to young leaders or employee’s children.

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Once you apply this wonderful framework of five love languages, you build a work culture where your people feel connected, motivated, valued, and heard. It will eventually lead to a positive environment of engagement, loyalty, and growth.

Published earlier in the newspaper tabloid "The Desert Trail"