Leadership with Kick: It's Time to Train to Win

In any martial arts training hall in the United States, you will find two groups of people.

The first and largest group by far are the ones who come to the training hall to “work out.” These are the ones who go through the motions. They pay their monthly dues, put on their gi and belt, come to class, learn to punch and kick and spar, and then go home. They tell themselves and others that they are learning “self-defense.” That tells everyone one thing: They are worried that someone is going to hurt them.

But here’s the question: Why will they get hurt if they are studying self-defense?

Simple. They are training not to lose.

To me, that is the essence of what we call “servant leadership” today. It is a practice of training not to lose. It is, as I argued in last week’s article, a beautiful lie told by people who don’t really want to put in the time and effort into practicing real leadership.

When I consider some of the tactics that “servant leaders” use in the workplace, I am reminded constantly of Richard Hofstadter’s concept of the “paranoid” leadership style (“The Paranoid Style in American Politics,” Harper’s Magazine, November 1964). These so-called leaders suffer from an inherent imposter syndrome. They surround themselves with sycophants as a buffer against imagined enemies who they think will expose them as the imposters they feel themselves to be. Failure, to them, is personally devastating and something to be defended against. So they constantly live in fear.

Why do you think so many university presidents dismantle existing organizational structures and general education curricula, items that are integral parts of their own institutions? These leaders see their internal organizational enemies potentially using these structures against them and/or deriving their power from those structures. Additionally, because reorganizing an organizational hierarchy or a gen ed curriculum is such a laborious process, these leaders use such moves to distract attention away from real organizational issues that are festering and from their own inadequacies in solving those real issues.

Don’t believe me? If you watch carefully, every time one of these “servants” makes such a move, they always couch it in terms of “saving the institution from imminent collapse” or “making the organization more responsive to the needs of people today.”

How do those organizations spell “servant”?

P-A-R-A-N-O-I-D.

Thankfully, there is another way.

Remember, I said that there are two groups in every training hall.

While the first are training not to lose, the others are training to win.

These are the people who not only train in the training hall, but train at home and attend every workshop or seminar offered through the teacher. They are constantly seeking personal growth, pushing themselves to become better versions of themselves. They regard failure as a stepping stone to success and embrace it, learning everything they can from it. Further, these people are not studying self-defense. They understand that every martial art is fundamentally about offense, not defense. One of my teachers always told us, “There is no such thing as a block. It is merely a strike striking a strike.” In my current school, whether we are the person throwing a punch or kick or the person attacking the punch or kick, we are trained to put everything we have into it, improving our technique and our ability to generate power.

When martial artists make this mind shift, their whole demeanor and approach changes. Instead of trying to hide from a punch, you disrupt it. Whereas the people who train not to lose see a flurry of punches coming at them and back away, those who train to win learn how to see the gaps between those punches, the places where you can devastate your opponent by inserting yourself into the gap. You emerge from that kind of training with an authentic confidence, rather than an imposter syndrome.

In leadership, someone who trains to win is not operating from a place of fear, but from a place of authentic confidence. The things that cause the “servant leaders” to turn tail and throw one of their underlings under a bus while they run and hide…those things don’t even register to the authentic leader. Because they are constantly learning, constantly pushing themselves toward mastery, constantly analyzing places where they have erred, they can adapt swiftly, capitalize on the individual strengths of the members of their team, celebrate wins together, and foster resilience throughout their organization.

I want to be clear. When I say “train to win,” I am not saying, “Winning at all costs.” The latter is the style of the “paranoid” leader. They rationalize unethical practices like hiring through secretive searches, suspending established rules and practices, and creating a climate of fear and abuse as necessary for their survival and victory, even if such measures harm the organization they are leading. They also have a short-term focus, typically getting to another presidency or, in the corporate world, another C-suite job.

By contrast, those of us who train to win focus on crafting authentic leadership through hard work, skill development, and continuous improvement. We adopt a long-term perspective so that we achieve sustained success over time. And we encourage teamwork and resilience so that we can face future challenges without compromising our principles—just as a martial artist who trains to win will always have a strong stance since it is from the stance that one is able to generate power.

My stance is clear.

The choice between training not to lose and training to win is about so much more than a class in a training hall or a decision in a boardroom. It’s a fundamental decision about how we choose to live our lives and treat other human beings.

The real assaults on higher education and on the corporate workplace aren’t going away anytime soon. You’re getting pummeled on all sides. And in case you haven’t faced the reality of this moment, you are going to have to fight your way out to see the end of the decade.

In that type of environment, do you want to be led by fear, constantly finding menace in your own shadow? Or do you want to lead in authentic confidence with courage, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to excellence?

It's time to stop flailing about.

It’s time we adopt a principled stance and, from that solid foundation, generate a leadership style of strength and integrity.

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c. 2024, Alfred G. Mueller II

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It is said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you would like to speak with me about helping to grow authentic leadership in your organization, securing your legacy and teaching aspiring executives the five keys of “Leadership with Kick,” simply DM me the word “TRAIN” or click here to set up a 15-minute information-only chat: https://calendly.com/almueller-sm4/15-min-information-sharing-call.