Leadership Fridays # 03 // Spontaneous acts of coaching
Taken from https://www.samadhicoaching.com

Leadership Fridays # 03 // Spontaneous acts of coaching

Draft 230630, Edited 230702


Intro

Friday is usually the time when I stop for a moment to reflect on episodes that have been happening during the past week(s) - and try to get out of it a lesson to bring to the week ahead. Today it is about coaching.


Who hasn't been at some point in his/her life been part of an act of coaching? Personally, tons of times since I was born - while in the recent years I have had the possibily to appreciate the finer taste andthe magics that coaching brings, and in both directions (either being subject of or actor for).


Maybe because, like the wine, coaching gets better with the age - I suppose.


Here, there is no intention to prepare a dissertation about what coaching is and the multiple possibilities/style for mastering this fine art. Also because, I am not sure whether I am the most qualified person to make such lecture - I have met people who are really champions in this field. My intention is just report the reflection, the main notes (possible learnings) as a diary. And possible to spark a conversation with who could be interested, in sharing in return his/her own learnings.

If someone is interested in going deeper in the topic, the internet is full of informatino, and to make it easier please have a look having as starting point :



and of course the evergreen amazing bible repository of



Background

In the past three weeks I have been part of some (unplanned) sessions of coaching (both at work and in private life), where I had to play mainly the role of coach, in a couple of them (at least, that I am been aware of :) ) the part of the coached .

Not sure whether all the session have been successfull, but at least in few cases I have had the strong impression that the main goal has been reached. The areas and scope of the talks have been various, but the core reason that pushed them is quite similar : some experiences, events, feelings or acts have reduced the capability of the single person to visualize a way forward. The points that have intrigued me the most have been:


  • The people involved in the coaching (when compared in terms of organisational ranking) are placed in various levels , above / same / below what I am having in my current role. This both in the role of coached and in the one of coach.
  • The people subject of the coaching have different degree of relationship with me (meaning : with some of them , we have been knowing for quite some time, with other less ; some others are friends, and with another part I have a work relationship )
  • The impact / time extent of the causes behind the coaching may be very different : ranging from unique and recent events to several months of exposure ; as impact, some may be perceived minor at first sight (from an external and univolved eye), to other cases where the reason behind are objectively larger.


Keynotes


  • Anybody, independently from the ranking or experience cumulated in life, may live periods in which the vision or perspective is not clear , resulting in a block; with an external and uninvolved eye, the potential outcome of these situations may seem not commesurable to what has triggered them (sometimes resulting in a larger negative impact for the person , rarely the other way in my experience). Meaning : small things may start rolling down the path, and create an emotional avalanche. Small things, may have instead a big impact/consequnece, and viceversa.
  • Coaches do not posses the entire history, and have not been living the full envelope of feelings that have either pushed or subtracted energy to the person involved. It is then of course not up to the coach to judge, and while some (preferably open) questions may help us unravel details of the problem/situation, these should be used to empatize : remember to focus on the feeling , that the story seems to enable.
  • Refrain as much as possible to provide solutions : the person under coaching is the one who knows better the envelope of feelings and how a possible action may fit into this envelope. Remeber that he/she may simply not know it yet. , and his/hre own best way forward could be different from the one you would chose. For some reasons, his/her mental moment and emotional energies are occupied in dealing with other points of the processing (it could be for example : emotional triggers, still-to-win challenges, unfair situations or other black holes for mental energy). These, when not properly processed, tend to subtract vital energy to other keys of the puzzle (e.g. solution orientation, positive thinking, consciousness of own strenghts). Be a copilot instead, but let the person choose the direction.
  • We may not know how long is needed to materialize a solution, but we can of course be honest with the coached for how far we could play the role of coach, in case our timeline, involvement is not compatible with this process. Playing with the throttle can be good to "shake" onto different perspectives and create thinking potential, but also dose it, since it not your journey, it is someone else's.
  • Use advices as very last option, and possibly in limited edition. I have experienced that they become useful when there is a developed relationship between coach and coached - where the latter realizes that also the former is a human being - who in turn has his/her blind spots : it should be digested that the advice should stay as such and not as the right solution forward. Many people in emotional distress may take instead that advice as anchor and beacon - instead of pondering . So, be sure that the coached will in his/her turn process the advice first, and not blindly follow it.
  • It is extremely difficult - close to impossible - to coach objectively if there is an emotional involvement (of any kind) for the parties, may this be because of the topic itself, or in the potential outcome of the processing, on in the relationship the two parts have. The stronger the involvement, the harder staying objective. If you want to go down that path, remeber this is one of these situations in which the combined effect is much more of the sum of the single parts, it will be mentally challenging to keep an eye on both your feelings and the ones of the countepart, both your triggers and the ones of the other side - and mantain the impartial listener state. To get the outcome of the coaching (meaning : help the coached to find his/her own best way forward), may be required a very high level of effort, so be prepared for it.
  • Remeber your own biases : they could act as magnifiers to the some pieces of the puzzle, while losing the puzzle itself. If you see your own biases may be playing a role in the game, be open and honest with that - do not let the conversation be trapped by them.


Takeaway for next weeks

  • Coaching should be a selfless act. Keep it that way
  • Listening is the key. Both directions.
  • Anybody can be in need of coaching : at work and in private life, there are no supermen, just men (or women, you know what I mean). There are no hierarchies , just people.
  • It is an highly rewarding experience to see an expression of joy from someone wha has matured his/her own way forward, especially if this has come from an internal processing. Remind yourself of that, when you think you do not have enough energy for the next coaching : helping others is rewarding by itself.
  • The word "Leadership" has the obvious root "lead" with it. As such, leading is then also guiding and developing : coaching represents a very high expression of this concept.


/G.


What are your key learnings in terms in coaching experiences ?

CHESTER SWANSON SR.

Realtor Associate @ Next Trend Realty LLC | HAR REALTOR, IRS Tax Preparer

1 年

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