Leadership is About Earning Trust, & Filling a Need, Not Bossing People Around

OK - this article is more about management than about legal issues. But I have an MBA as well as a JD, and I am a business lawyer, so from time to time I like to write about business and management issues too.

True story.

I was in business school, getting my MBA at the University of Michigan -- One of the top B-Schools in the world, so you'd think all my peers should be great, natural leaders.

A friend asked me to join his flag football team. It was all MBA students - supposedly future leaders of America.

The team was a mess.

My friend was too shy to boss around his peers.

I guess he felt intimidated that they were also future leaders, or just that they were peers instead of underlings. I may never know why, but for whatever reason, he was too intimidated to lead them.

The team was "self managed".

It was management by consensus and democracy: "Who wants to play what position? Who wants to go in now and who's willing to stay on the sidelines a bit longer?" If you didn't insist on going in, you didn't go in. Every substitution was a debate - "who's coming out now?"

It was a disorganized nightmare.

Everyone was grumbling. No one was happy.

I listened. I observed. I learned. Who was complaining about what. Who wanted to do what differently. What needed to be done.

I didn't want to step on toes, so I gave it a couple weeks. But when I couldn't take it any longer, and knew there was a void that needed to be filled, I politely asked my friend, "do you mind if I tell people when to come in and out of the game, or call a couple plays, help us get a bit organized?"

Surprisingly, he not only said yes, but he was THANKFUL - like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder.

I was taken aback. I had no idea he would react that way.

I became the unofficial coach.

Communication flowed. Playing time was reasonably fair. People got to mostly play the positions they wanted, and take turns. People felt comfortable speaking up. People made suggestions. When someone said they wanted to go in, there was someone to make the decision who they'd replace and when. We'd have practices, and people would suggest plays. People still got to decide, to a degree, when and where they wanted to play, but now there was a system and communication, and fairness. It was - dare I say - organized. And everyone appreciated it.

Everyone else on the team felt the same way my shy friend did - overtly thankful that I stepped up. I know, because they all told me.

We immediately got better - and more importantly, everyone was much happier.

We weren't great but we were pretty good, and everyone had fun.

I did what needed to be done, to fill the void, but not more. I didn't get cocky or boss people around where not necessary. I did just enough, while letting others make their own decisions. These were all smart people after all. And I listened first, and my decisions were based on everyone's ideas and input. All I did was fix what everyone else agreed was broken.

TAKEAWAYS: That's the difference between leadership and bossing around.

(1) You don't have to be given a title to be an unofficial leader. Lead when you have to. Fill a void.

(2) Even when you have been given a title or authority, let others make their own decisions about the small stuff. Just provide a framework, and facilitate communication. Don't boss people around just because you're given a title.