Leadership and Cursing

Cursing is ubiquitous in today’s society. Cursing usage is now commonplace by politicians, print and social media, television and movies, entertainers, organizational leaders, and in the workplace. The use of profanity is a society norm—especially for young people. 

Society norms towards profanity (sometimes referred to as vulgar, foul, or “street” language) have changed significantly since the initial audience shock of hearing Clark Gable say “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” in the 1939 film, Gone with the Wind. 

Today, even popular self-help books use the word F*ck in their titles. Example are, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck; Calm the F*ck down, Unfu*k Yourself; F*ck Feelings; as well as using other curse words in titles, e.g., How to Stop Feeling Like Shit and You are a Badass. Most often the authors use these titles to both grab attention and be seen as “hip” and “authentic” in today’s society.

These trends beg the question, does the use of curse words improve your ability to lead others? As a leader, does cursing enhance, diminish, or is a neutral factor in your efforts to meet organizational strategic and near-term objectives? Does it help you to bring out the best in those you lead?

Before answering these questions, let me give you some personal background.

I grew up in a family in which my parents never used a curse word. My father would tell me that the use of curse words was the result of a poor vocabulary by the people cursing. He would say, “They lacked the education and intelligence to describe the issue or context appropriately. Therefore, they resorted to using curse words to mask their ignorance.” In other words, people who were intelligent didn’t need to resort to profanity to get their point across.

During my first year at the US Naval Academy, I started using curse words as an adjective for school work, interpersonal issues, and so forth. During the December holiday break, I returned home and at Sunday dinner, I asked my Mom to pass the F*cking potatoes. 

The silence was deafening. I was mortified. I felt I betrayed my parents. I quickly apologized. They did not berate me or tell me they were disappointed in me. Rather, they looked at me and clearly understood I was embarrassed, and my Mom passed me the potatoes. I remember that day as if it was yesterday.

Another example comes to mind of when my daughter was 8 years old and my son was 6. My daughter came into my home office with her girlfriend and my son. She asked me to punish my son. I asked her, “Why?” She stated that he called her friend a bad name. 

I asked my son if he called her friend a bad name. He said, “Noooo.” This went on for a couple minutes and then I told him this was the last time I would ask in which he wouldn’t be punished if he told me the truth. So, I asked him again. This time he responds, “Yeeeess.” 

I asked him what he called her. He responded, “shitass.” It took all my willpower not to laugh. I was totally caught off guard that my young son would even say such a word. I asked him, “Why did you call her that?” He responded, “I don’t know, I just opened my mouth and out it came.”

His response reminded me that the culture in which you and I operate (in my son’s case the playground, and mine at the Academy) will influence how we communicate on a daily basis. If, for example, you use profanity in your daily social communications, the surrounding culture will assume that cursing is not only tolerated, but appropriate. 

As during my time at the Academy, cursing just became an adjective, adverb, noun without any real meaning or context. The use of curse words became habitual. 

Thus, when I returned home and asked my mother to pass the potatoes, I learned that I had a garbage mouth. I use the term “garbage mouth” to describe a person using curse words that have no redeeming value for their use. The curse words are used gratuitously without thought or specific objective.

The point of my two personal examples is to illustrate how easy it is, even for children, to start using curse words habitually. We use them without thinking “why” we are saying them and whether they are used for a specific communication purpose.

Consequently, if parents curse in their daily home activities, they shouldn’t be surprised that their kids do as well. Likewise, as a leader, if you use curse words in a socially, conversationally manner, you should not be surprised if your subordinate leaders and workforce follow your lead. 

You must always be aware that you are setting the standard for your organization. Is cursing, cussing, the use of profanity appropriate and tolerated in your organization? 

When I was working on my doctorate, Distinguished Professor Max Lerner read a passage from a novel. The essence of the reading was about a woman who had been going with a man for a couple years. Both expressed their love for each other and their desire to get married. Later she learned that he was married and didn’t plan to marry her. 

Max then read her response to her lover, “You f*cked me over!” Max used this passage to illustrate that the use of what he called “earthy” language can be appropriate depending on the circumstance. He argued that no other words could more deftly state the pain, anguish, and betrayal felt by this woman.

I once worked for a female admiral who at that time was the highest-ranking female in the Navy. She had an extraordinary command of the English language. I, at times, at division meetings in her office would ask her to define the word she was using, as I had rarely heard it. Her use of the English language was powerful. 

She was a tough, decisive leader who simultaneously was gracious and feminine. However, on rare occasions, she would use a curse word. When she did, I and other members of her immediate staff really paid attention, as it was so unusual. Clearly, she did so for effect. She used it to get across an unambiguous message in her communication objective. When she used the curse word, it had power. She used curse words with strategic intent.

Yet, I also remember a time when I submitted to her my recommendation for a major change in Navy policy. I received the paper back with a section noting, “NFG” (no f*cking good). I was angry. Why was she attacking me—putting me down? 

I went into her office to express my concern. She stated, “Jim, this is not personal about you. You are communicating to the Chief of Naval Operations and the Secretary of the Navy a major change in policy. You are attempting to persuade others to your viewpoint. I’m saying your paper doesn’t effectively make that argument.” 

I felt better after hearing her explanation. However, I informed her that if she used NFG with other leaders and subordinates without their knowing her intent, its usage may demoralize them. It could also lead to lost motivation and enthusiasm. She agreed and no longer used the acronym NFG.

I believe curse words are used by leaders and people for a variety of reasons.

• They are used within an organizational culture that tolerates their use as part of general conversation. For example, in the military or in police departments, it is not uncommon to hear curse words used as general adjectives. “Oh, I’ve got another f*cking suspect in the holding cell.” Here, the curse word adds no value to the intent of the communication. It is just part of the everyday language used within this police department. In many cases, the use of curse words helps to relieve the tension that often resonates in such organizations. This usage, however, doesn’t mean to imply that it is tolerated to be used outside of the organizational structure.
• Similarly is the use of curse words to “fit in”. How many of us think of cursing, but due to circumstances (e.g., around children) exercise self-censorship and restraint? It is now considered fashionable that to be “authentic”—to be yourself—you should no longer censor your language. Go ahead and curse if you want to. People say it shows candor. It allows you to be “real” around others who also curse. It allows you to be part of the “boys” or “girls.”
• Cursing can be used to show emotion, e.g., if angry.
• Some curse just because they are lazy in their communications or can’t control their emotions.
• Cursing is often used to reflect frustrations towards inanimate objects, e.g., “That damn printer is not working,” or “My car is nothing but a piece of sh*t.”
• Cursing is used by some to demean or berate others, e.g., not doing what is expected. It can be used to threaten or bully others. These uses often create toxic working environments.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably asking, “Well, what is Jim’s position regarding leadership and the use of curse words?”

I believe there is a critical differentiation between the time you may curse at the printer not working in comparison to cursing at or to another person. When talking to others, you are establishing communication norms—whether used as social commentary and general conversation or directed to a specific person.

Once you begin to use curse words in your everyday communications, they lose their power and diminish your leadership charisma. As they become habitual and they are used as adjectives, adverbs, nouns without any real meaning or providing substance, listeners may begin to tune you out. The “shock effect” for the use of curse words will clearly diminish, especially when used without strategic intent. 

Many will say a leader swearing within the organization is always inappropriate because you want to lead by example, and cursing is not a good example. They argue that you don’t want to build a culture whereby those who represent you curse around your stakeholders, other senior leaders, media, suppliers, customers, and so forth. 

Certainly, as the leader you will be shaping the organization’s culture. It’s important to determine if your approach to communication is creating a culture that is beneficial or detrimental to maintaining competitive advantage. 

As a leader, I suggest you remember what your mother or father told you when you were a child, “Watch your mouth.”

I’m not trying to be Pollyanna, but I do suggest refraining from using—or a tirade of—curse words directed towards another person. Doing so is offensive and demoralizing. Gaining the best from that person will be much more difficult as a result. Additionally, you will create a toxic working environment and lose the respect of those who work with and for you. Obviously, you should never curse a superior, no matter how angry or frustrated you may be. Doing so will certainly derail your career. 

Rather, I believe you must use curse words thoughtfully and judiciously. Do the curse words add or detract from your communication intent? In many ways, I believe my parents are partly correct. Think about what you want to say, and the better your vocabulary, the more convincing your message will be.

If, for example, you think (and feel) that using specific, directed curse words are value-added to your strategic intent, I say do it. Doing so thoughtfully and purposefully can add power to your communication—if appropriate to the issue and context at the time.

Always consider, however, statements can frequently be taken out of context, so I urge the use of curse words be limited. Furthermore, remember that in today’s world of cell-phone videos and social media, as a leader you will constantly be in the spotlight. Such videos could go viral on social media.

Your personal actions will help build or diminish both your personal and organizational brands. Would your reputation as a “hot head” or “garbage mouth” help your personal brand and reputation? Will the audience of your communications welcome or be offended by what you say or write?

Consequently, you must have strong self-awareness. Who are you? How do you want to be perceived by others? Using curse words gratuitously can harm your reputation and brand. It reflects on your character and possibly leads others to thinking you’re unprofessional. Strong self-awareness allows you to be the master of your emotions and self-image. 

If you want to use curse words in your communications, make sure you use them judiciously and purposefully with an eye on the strategic intent of your communication. You are attempting to influence others. Ask yourself, will such use of curse words achieve the desired result? 

Tell me what you think.

Update: I thought I’d share the following insights I received from Linda Washington, CEO of the Washington Consulting Team. She stresses that as a senior leader you set the standards for your organization. As such, “you should always strive to set high standards and to be a model of professionalism.” Referring the female admiral noted in the above text, Linda states, “I think sometimes women in powerful positions feel they need to curse to show toughness. This is too bad.”