Leadership : 12 Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People in Conversation

Strategy 1 - Reaction vs Response

? The first strategy is to move from a reaction to a response.

? Difficult people often want to elicit an emotional response, causing a disconnect between the brain and mouth.

? The natural reaction is a fight or flight syndrome, and it's crucial to avoid it.? Dr. George Thompson's book "Verbal Judo" highlights the natural use of language in resistance situations.

? The key point is to "If it feels good, don't say it."

? The goal is to move from the reaction point to a response.

? The difference between a top professional and a struggling person is how long it takes for them to pee.

Strategy 2 - Different Communication Styles

Understanding Personality Types and Communication Styles

? The mechanic's initial question is the type of car, which is crucial for understanding the problem.

? Understanding the type of person you're dealing with can help in addressing problems.

? Resources for finding more information on different communication styles are available.

? Behavioral profiles are a common tool used to understand how people act and think.

? Different behaviors can be categorized into dominant, aggressive, loud, fast talking, thinker, social butterfly, and fast talkers.

? Different communication styles map out how to deal with these individuals.

? The course will group all difficult people into one type and deal with them from that perspective.

? Mastering this understanding can help in fine-tuning your message to suit the specific personality type or behavioral type you're working with.

Strategy 3 - Empathy vs Sympathy

Understanding the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

? Sympathy is more about understanding feelings and hurts, while empathy focuses on understanding their perspective.

? Empathy is crucial in bringing difficult people into a cooperative side, allowing for better understanding and cooperation.

? It's important to view problems from their perspective to avoid conflict and pushback.

? Telling someone they are wrong won't change their mind, as it can lead to arguments.

? Instead, it's important to move around to their side and see the situation from their perspective.

? The speaker uses the example of a concave wall to illustrate the difference between a concave and a convex wall.

? Empathy involves seeing the situation from their perspective, allowing for a more understanding and cooperative relationship

Strategy 4 -Personal Attacks - Hot Buttons

Dealing with Difficult People: Strategies to Protect Yourself

Understanding the Attacker

? Difficult people may try to elicit emotional responses by attacking your ego.

? The more intense and emotional they can throw into your ego, the more likely you are to react to their words.

Building a Shield Over the Attacker

? Recognizing and protecting your weaknesses is crucial.

? Recognizing and building up your weaknesses can make them stronger and less of a weakness.

Asserting Weaknesses

? Recognizing and addressing weaknesses can help you become a strength.

? Highlighting weaknesses and understanding that these are the buttons people are trying to push on you can help you defend them.

Attacking Competence and Intelligence

? Difficult people may group you into a specific group, not as an individual.

? Asking for a supervisor can be a clear button pusher, as they may think you are not capable of doing your job.

Strategy 5 -Redirection

Redirection in Communication

? Redirection involves taking a conversation from a negative direction to a cooperative one.

? It involves moving away from people trying to push your buttons and redirecting them on a different course.

? Use phrases like "I appreciate that, but here's what we have to do," "I understand what you're saying," or "I can really tell that you're upset."

? The goal is to get the person to a cooperative state, from being difficult to being workable.

? Combining different phrases together can help redirect the conversation from becoming angry or difficult.

? The goal is to direct the people towards a more positive outcome, as Dr. George Thompson said in Verbal Judo.

Strategy 6 -Focus on Action and Meaning

Focusing on Actions Over Words in Difficult People

? Difficult people may be under the influence of various factors such as anger, upset, fear, frustration, or physical substances like drugs and alcohol.

? The words used by these individuals may not accurately reflect their intentions.? Focus should be on the meaning of the words and actions of the person.

? The goal should be to understand the person's actions and what they are trying to accomplish.

? The focus should be on the action at hand, not the words themselves.

? This approach avoids creating conflict and focusing on the words themselves.

? The goal is to achieve a pre-planned, practiced response, not the words themselves.

Strategy 7 -Active Listening

Active Listening in Communication

? Active listening is a crucial aspect of communication, not just talking.

? Ralph Nichols emphasizes the need to understand and be understood, and the best way to do this is through active listening.

? Most people during conversations are not actively listening, often trying to think of what to say next.

? Active listening is vital when dealing with difficult people, as it allows for a more focused response.

? Listening without judgment, being open, and understanding the intended message is crucial.

? Factors affecting listening ability include personal history, emotional state, and personal circumstances.

? Redirecting the conversation to a different direction, such as taking a break to let the situation diffuse, can help improve listening skills.

Strategy 8 - Communications Styles

Communication Styles and Effective Communication

? Communication styles are crucial in delivering messages.

? Only about 7% of our meaning comes across through words, with the rest being context.

? About 40% of our communication is about how we say it, including voice tone, pace, pitch, modulation, and volume.

? Pace refers to how fast or slow we talk.

? Pitch refers to how high or low we go.

? Modulation refers to the up and down movement of our voice.

? Volume is the level of loudness or quietness we choose to convey a point.

? Body language, or 53% of our message, is about how we say it, why we say it, when we say it, our movements, and gestures.

? Body language speaks louder than words and context.

? In today's digital age, 93% of our communications are missed by putting it just into text.

? The importance of understanding tone of voice, body language, and body language is highlighted.

? Recognizing this is especially important when communicating with difficult people via text or emails.

Strategy 9 - Paraphrase

Paraphrasing Effective Communication Strategies

? Emphasizes the importance of empathy in paraphrasing.

? Paraphrasing involves actively listening to understand and interpret a person's words.

? The goal is to give the meaning to the words, not repeat them.

? Two ways to paraphrase are: "Let me make sure I understand exactly what you're telling me."

? The goal is to cause the other person to stop and listen.

? If the paraphrasing is wrong, the person will initially say "No, no, no, no, no, no."? The paraphrasing process involves feeding back the meaning to the person, moving closer to the meaning.

? The paraphrasing process helps to eliminate other influences that may affect the words.

? The paraphrasing process helps to understand the problem at the core, allowing both parties to work closer together.

Strategy 10 - Questions

Dealing with Difficult People: A Key Skills

? Controlling the conversation: The key to transforming difficult people from uncooperative to cooperative is to control the conversation.

? Similar to a doctor's approach, asking questions about a difficult person can lead to a cooperative response.

? Crafting questions: Instead of telling people things, ask questions that get them to answer exactly the way you would have otherwise.

? Using a variety of questions: Who, what, when, where, why, how, and why are all vital.? Exploring the issue: Asking why the person's words are the way they are is a way to explore and investigate the issue.

? Responding to shock: If a difficult person says something surprising, ask if they would share the reason for their response.

? Empathy: Empathy should come through, not like reading a script.

? Being calm and collected: Being calm, collected, and in charge of the situation is crucial.

? Context: The question should be in tune with your body language, voice tone, speech, and context.

Strategy 11 - Getting rid of your ego

Dealing with Difficult People: Removing Ego and Managing Ego

? Ego is a crucial factor in dealing with difficult people, especially when they have broken through defenses.

? Ego should not be a part of the situation from the start.

? Representation of the organization's weight and policies is essential.? The difficult person should be represented as a fulcrum, representing all the weight and information.

? Representing the organization's values and goals can help the difficult person align with the organization's values.

? Ego involvement can lead to a battle of egos between the individual and the organization.

? The goal is to let the difficult person feel good about moving over and believe it was their idea.

? Asking the right questions can help the difficult person discover the true value of working with the organization.

? Removing the ego increases the ability to affect a positive outcome.

? The process is difficult but can be achieved by removing the ego and guiding the difficult person towards the company.

Strategy 12 - When things go wrong

Strategy for Managing a Difficult Situation

? The speaker plans to confirm that the situation won't be resolved and ask for another opportunity to work together.

? The speaker explains the importance of cooperation and the reasons behind the request.

? If the individual refuses to continue, the speaker can offer alternatives, stating that they are involved in the situation and can provide a faster solution.

? The speaker uses a three-step process: a positive alternative, a negative alternative, and a positive alternative.

? The speaker uses a radio station called WII FM to communicate the positive outcomes of the situation.

? If the individual refuses to continue, the speaker can try to confirm one last time and ask for any additional assistance.

? The speaker uses a line from Dr. George Thompson's Verbal Judo class to suggest potential solutions.