Leaders Who Stand Out From The Crowd

Let’s face it, not many leaders actually stand out from the crowd. We need to own that truth. We have all seen the memes on social media that people leave managers, and there is more than a semblance of truth to that. Have a conversation with anyone and they can account for a time when they were led by a bad or poor leader. When you come across a good leader you know it in your gut, you will remember them for years and they directly impact how you end up leading. Unless you take an active stance of knowing where your leadership ideas and influences come from and take a conscious decision on the type of leader you want to be, you are bound to be stuck in trans-generational leadership maintenance patterns. You need to decide what you want to hold on to as a good leader, and those behaviors, beliefs and ideas that you need to let go of. Being a good or a bad leader is a choice.

In over the 2 decades of my career I have had in excess of about 40 plus managers and 90% of those managers did not display basic leadership capability or skill. All those 90% came to leadership through positional leadership roles, and that is where their leadership stopped. I can honestly say that only 4 of those managers displayed characteristics of positive leadership and actually demonstrated real leadership skill and competency. That is only 10%. In conversations with others this number is generally and relatively reflective of most people’s experience. While there are certainly good leaders out there, the pendulum tends to swing toward having more poor leaders than good.

The behaviors that made these 4 leaders stand out from the crowd included:

·        Forward focus on potential

·        Did not micromanage

·        Provided timely and constructive feedback that allowed growth and mistakes

·        Actively asked for feedback about their leadership

·        Were profoundly human and compassionate

·        Built enduring trust-based relationships

·        Engaged in active listening

·        Always made time

·        Transparent

·        Not arrogant, self-important or self-aggrandizing

·        Inspired and set the vision

·        Balanced people and targets

Sadly, bad leadership is often more the norm than the exception. That is a reality.

Leadership is always such a hot topic across all industries and all career and hierarchy levels, not just in formal positional leadership roles and not just in corporate life. In fact, there is such a focus on leadership skills that almost every resume these days will try to demonstrate or at least claim ‘leadership’. Kids of all ages are encouraged to show their leadership skills. I overheard a parent talking about a toddler who was “demonstrating strong leadership ability” – a toddler! There are so many tasks that a toddler needs to achieve in their stage of life, leadership is not one of them! It is a skill that is listed in majority of job descriptions, even if there are no actual tasks or responsibilities that allow for leadership, often even at the lowest levels on a hierarchy. Sometimes the ridiculous is obvious such as when a job description asks for 10 plus years’ worth of leadership experience for very junior roles. People with that many years of leadership would not be looking at junior roles and those who are looking at that career level would simply not have that level of leadership experience. The circularity of this all is confounding and perplexing!

There is an increased drive and push for leading where you are at and managing up. There should be no reason or need to manage up if leaders in leadership roles were doing their job. Usually being asked to manage up is an indication that the leadership structure is not working as intended. Forcing the narrative and belief that everyone is a leader where they are at simply leads to nonsensical behavior as very often people believe it but are bound by real organization politics, power, hierarchies and the very reality that they are in fact not leaders and have no scope of influence or decision-making power where they are at. It is akin to putting an employee on a hamster wheel- they will simply go around and around tirelessly to very little effect.

Leadership capacity is such a commodity these days that everyone is fiercely claiming this skill. Everyone is now a leader, which often leads to the incorrect assumption that people do in fact have leadership skills! Leadership has become the jargon word of the decade. While it is certain that some have a natural ability and others can learn, we need to stop assuming that everyone is a good leader. This is simply a fallacy and not supported by research or practice.

One of the key challenges are the plethora of narratives about leadership that exist, many of which make a compelling case for excusing or justifying bad leadership. This is further compounded by multiple leadership myths. It is time to change the narratives and to challenge these myths and understand how they act as circular and maintaining factors for more bad leadership.

Myth 1: Career Level Equates To Leadership Skill

No, it doesn’t always have such a linear relationship. We all know plenty of people that have been in leadership roles for years that are bad leaders. We also know there are trends of hiring highly experienced hires into lower levels jobs as a means of cost saving. Often the lower level jobs simply do not provide the opportunity for formal leadership, but they may in fact be more skilled or competent than leaders higher on the chain. We must accept that years of service do not directly relate to leadership ability. If we don't accept this, we position and disempower our leaders and they will generally fail at some point.

Myth 2: Hierarchy And Positional Authority Equates To Leadership Skill

This is false, it doesn’t always, it refers to power and authority seated within a hierarchy or role. People can move into a position of power through years of service or apply for a position of power. Neither is a guarantee that the person actually has leadership skill. Positional power can be used compassionately, but in the wrong hands should be considered a weapon of destruction.

Myth 3: Everyone Wants To Be A leader

This is a fallacy spurred on by the current cultural focus on leadership ability or for many companies, a talent value of “up or out”. The truth is that not everyone wants to lead. If you continue to force leadership or force upwards progression routes, we will have increased number of leaders who are disinterested or disengaged. While people may want the perks and trappings of leadership, they may not want the responsibilities or tasks. Even worse, they may be ill equipped to actually lead but have made concerted efforts to get to that leadership level based on the rewards often enjoyed by leadership.

Myth 4: Everyone Has The Same Idea Of Leadership

This could not be further from the truth. There are so many theories, models and ideas about leadership that the ways to conceptualize and perceive leadership are vast and wide. Rather than relying on a model or theory of leadership, we need to better understand our own perceptions, leadership preferences and understand the intrinsic influences on our own leadership styles and preferences to be good leaders. Good leaders know themselves, are authentic and they lead from within. Even though there are so many ways of thinking about or experiencing leadership, one thing is consistent, and that is most people can account for having been led by a bad leader at some point.

Myth 5: Leaders Are Experts Who Always Know What Is Best

No, they do not, and are often wrong or don’t have answers. It is always an interesting experience when you see or work for a leader who believes this myth, or to manage people who believe this myth. Why place additional burden on yourself as a leader to be right all the time? It is exhausting. Collaborate with those you lead to come up with solutions and share the successes (and failures).

Myth 6: All Leaders Are Benevolent

Nothing could be further from the truth, in fact there are lots of leadership bullies or leaders driven by untoward goals and intentions. One only needs to explore the ocean of documented formal and informal complaints about leaders, multiple legal suits against leaders and a plethora of articles and cases studies of bad leaders to know how ridiculous this myth is. Most reading this article can probably recount a story about a leader who they were bullied by or who suffered direct negative impacts based on a leader’s intentions, actions and behaviors. Some leaders can be exceptionally self-centered and cruel. 

Reflections On Things Leaders Can Stop Doing To Be Better Leaders:

There are certainly behaviors that leaders can engage in and others they should stop doing. This list is based on experience, observations and case studies and is by no means exhaustive.

Don’t Micromanage

So much has been written about this. The fact is that it is not conducive to anyone. If you want people to help, provide them direction, give them support and then let them get on with it. Trust them. Let go and watch them flourish; micromanage them and no one wins. Ask yourself, do you like to be micromanaged yourself? Probably not, so press STOP on that negative nonsense and value people for their skills, experience, potential and contributions. That is obviously not to say that you can’t offer support and direction. Just don’t be an obsessive, compulsive and pedantic helicopter leader. We all know the type.

Don’t Be A Bully

Not much to say here as it is quite self-explanatory. Don’t be one of those leaders! No one likes a bully and you will be leading a team that is not interested in following. Are you truly a leader if no one wants to follow you, trust you or work for you? Not only are there possible legal implications for you and the organization, the impact of bullying on an employee and teams can last many years post bullying. Is that the legacy that you want to leave? As a leader you have an ethical, moral and legal responsibility to not engage in such behavior, as well as to ensure that you are not inadvertently condoning, or ignoring such behavior in other leaders. Ignoring bullying by a leader is as bad as bullying the employee yourself, as that is exactly what you are condoning if you look the other way.

Don’t Ignore Requests for Help

When your employees are clearly struggling or giving indirect or direct hints that they need help- don’t ignore that. Reach out and understand how you can help. Don’t pile on more work. They won’t come back next time you ask for help if you demonstrate that you are a leader who is not able or willing to offer support if needed. Ask yourself if you want to be that leader who is known as critical, overly pedantic, unapproachable, and divisive or one who supports their resources to be successful? If you treat your people right and support them, they will be there when you need them.

Don’t Disrespect Experienced Hires

 If you are an order giver then find an order taker. However, if you are looking for someone with particular skills or experience then treat them accordingly when you find them. Nothing leads to frustration and disengagement quicker with experienced hires than not respecting them for their experience and value they bring. Stop demanding that experienced hire staff do activities that do not account for the full experience and value they can bring. Try staying away from taking a positional stance and ensure that when working with experienced hires that your requests are based on actual business need and leveraging their expertise, rather than some power play. Unfortunately, this is seen all too frequently, for example, asking an experienced hire leader to demonstrate their leadership despite having decades of experience in leadership, or repeatedly requesting meaningless edits to a document as a means of instilling the pecking order rather than any meaningful change. This must stop as it leads to disengagement and ultimately to your talent walking out the door.

We know that if your organizational culture is unhealthy, that such disrespect starts even before the resource begins with the organization. The world of work is full of stories about experienced hires being promised promotions or rewards at offer time to ensure they sign the contract with no intention of the promises ever coming to fruition. There is also a plethora of stories about experienced hires who are hired at significantly lower levels than where they should start in an organization, but with the promise of a quick progression path that never materializes. The reality is that the cost savings you may make in the front end, will ultimately lead to turnover and much higher costs in losing talent and knowledge and having to start your search from fresh. It’s generally not a matter of if, but when such talent will leave.

Don’t Manipulate Through False Incentives and Promises

Unless a specific task will demonstrate leadership and lead to promotion or give great exposure, leaders must stop trying to manipulate resources if they have no intention to follow through up on promises. It is lying, and it is unethical. Often dangling the carrot of exposure or a chance to demonstrate your leadership is used falsely as a means of gaining more discretionary effort under the promise of exposure or promotion. Rarely either comes to fruition and resources very rarely benefit from or get credit for the work they have been manipulated to perform. Ultimately this leads to disengagement, frustration and anger. There is nothing like not following through on your promises as a leader.

Trust and integrity are two of the key characteristics that are fundamental to developing enduring relationships with those we lead. Despite this being so intuitive, leaders make this mistake time and time again. The adage that once bitten, twice shy is definitely something that should invite leaders to be more cautious in dangling the carrot if they have no intention to follow through. You can only dangle that carrot a couple of times until your employees recognize that there is no substance to your promises and see it for the manipulation that it is. Integrity is key to leading people.

Don’t Be An Arrogant And Patronizing Leader

A leadership role often does not relate directly to level of leadership ability or expertise, yet leaders often value their positional role as being directly related to their skill level. As a leader it’s not about you. No successful leader has ever been characterized as being patronizing or arrogant. Most successful leaders are seen as being supportive, compassionate, inspiring, and human. We are seeing more and more often that leaders who focus more on the status of leadership use their leadership position in arrogant and patronizing ways. Successful leaders focus on leveraging the skills and strengths through meaningful activities and offering vision and support. They focus on building enduring and trust-based relationships and connections. That’s the real challenge and skill of leadership.

Don’t Keep Re-Writing The Rules

Changing the goal posts every time your employee reaches the set post is not good business. Good leaders take the time to praise and reward performance and achievement. Never underplay it and never not acknowledge good work. While it is ok to change direction when new information comes to light, and of course flexibility is a key skill, once an employee reaches that goal post reward them. However, changing because it’s about a power trip and the exertion of positional power, never ends well. Ultimately employees learn quickly that there are no rewards and they will minimize efforts on all they do. They know that there really is nothing that they can work towards that they will get recognized for. People need to feel accomplishment and closure by working towards finite goals. If you are always changing the goal post, your employees will be forever frustrated as they are not meeting these needs.

Don’t Enforce Leadership Superiority

The stance that leadership equates to expertise or needing to be the expert is fraught with unhelpful assumptions. Often we find ‘leaders’ trying to enforce and apply technical responses to adaptive problems because they are taking the burden upon themselves to show they have all the answers, or they are the sole experts. Part of this is related to ego and needing to be recognized for being a “leader”. It is time to stop enforcing leadership superiority and expertise and to start engaging with your employees and be open to doing things in a new way. Listen to your employees – they likely have the solutions you are looking for. The only person who cares how senior you think you are, is typically yourself.

Don’t Enforce The Mentality Of “This is How We Have Always Done It”

This is seen in so many situations across corporate culture. The normalization of deviance is a real thing and its implications spread far and wide. In a technologically advancing world where survival in the corporate environment relies on change and innovation, why leaders insist on doing things the same way that it has always been done; is confounding and perplexing. For people who grow up in an organization they learn these ways of being and doing over many years, often undervaluing different ideas and ways of doing that experienced hires can bring. What if you have been doing something wrong your whole career life? What if there are new, better and more innovative ways of doing things? Sticking to the ways of being and doing is not always smart business. Rather leadership should be setting strategic future visions and encouraging change and innovation as a vital step towards surviving in the digital age. If there is a time to change, it is now. Leaders who refuse to change and innovate will be left behind as the world of work and technology advances. 

Don’t Reward Group Think

Reward the lone voice. Reward the person who challenges the status quo. Work at understanding what is being said and what value they may bring by seeing things differently from everyone else. There is certainly a strong desire for groups to have a cohesive voice or position, and this is often coaxed out of people under the influence or understanding of what the leader wants to hear. Bad leaders often see the challenger or lone voice as being oppositional, defensive, or divisive and often apply negative consequences or pejorative and judgmental labels to people who think differently from themselves or the group. Good leaders pay attention and listen. There is value in listening for the subjugated story, or the lone voice. There is much to learn and gain from them.

Reflections On What Leaders Can Do To Be Better Leaders:

The fact is that sometimes leaders get it right but more often they get it incredibly wrong. Here are some basic but core reflections on how to be a more authentic and impactful leader that people will follow, respect and trust. It is time to pause and reflect and to move away from behaviors which we know lead to disengagement, frustration, and ultimately poor outcomes all around. It is time for leaders to address some common leadership failures that can so easily be corrected with minimal effort.

Before we jump in, let’s answer some questions about yourself as a leader:

·        What kind of leader do you think you are?

·        What kind of leadership legacy do you think you are creating?

·        What do you hope people say about you as a leader?

·        What do you think your resources would say about your leadership skills?

·        What do you do or say that makes you a good leader?

·        What do you think your predominant leadership style is?

·        Reflect on your past leaders, what did you like about them and what did you not care for?

Often the answers to these types of simple questions lead to reflections that tend to be overly positive and which over estimate our own leadership skill. Our responses do not typically account for how others experience us as leaders. Most people think they are good leaders, but they rarely ask for the feedback from those they lead. Not only do they generally not ask, but there are very real leadership cultural barriers to more junior people giving feedback. No one steps out of their house thinking, "Today I am going to intentionally be a bad manager" (well, we would hope…)

Now let’s ask a single question from a different perspective:

·        What do your direct reports or colleagues actually say or think about you as a leader?

Often there is a discrepancy in the type of leader we think we are, or want to be and how we are actually experienced by others. The leadership coin has two sides. While we would expect a slight discrepancy between how we think we are as leaders and how others experience us as leaders, the bigger the gap the more the concern. While you would hope that leaders are not that out of touch, unfortunately leaders who are typically driven by positional power, pride, ego, and “I am just doing my job” attitude or those who adamantly petition that they have paid their dues and “earned” status, often find themselves in a constant uphill battle with the people they lead. 

Leaders should truly make efforts to understand the gap and reflect on the underlying causes of the discrepancy and see it as an opportunity to grow and develop as a leader. Reflection and compassion for self and others are two powerful leadership skills. However, often there is either a lack of awareness, the use of denial or plain disinterest in how others perceive them. Let’s face it some leaders are arrogant and on a power trip and disinterested by evidence that they are actually pretty bad at leading. If the ‘other’ perspective is honest and matches your own perception of what kind of leader you are, then great. If it doesn’t then take the time to reflect and make some changes. 

Do Be Humble

No one wants to hear or is interested in your positional level, your fancy title, your salary, your perceived importance, your travel miles in first class or how you think you are an expert. What they do care about is whether you are a human being that is going to work with them in a supportive and compassionate way. As a leader where do you shine the spotlight? Bad leaders tend to shine the spot light on themselves, while good leaders tend to shine a broader spotlight. Ask yourself, is this your show, or is it the team show? Let’s face it, no one likes an arrogant, bragging or credit stealing leader.

Do Have A Plan

As a leader your resources look to you for direction, future vision, support and respect. Provide them with the structure and the information and tools that they need to be successful. Share the goals and objectives and understand how to support each individually through meaningful conversations and interactions. Leverage their interests and strengths and work towards achieving those goals and plans by enhancing performance and behavior in a human and respectful way.

Do Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

There is nothing worse than a leader who wants to shine the light on themselves rather than acknowledging those who are doing the work. That light will only burn so long before it is snuffed out. Often it is seen that some leaders like to pass the blame when things go wrong, but are the first to own and claim the successes. Rather take the time to build a strong cohesive team where successes are shared and rewarded while owning the failures in a supportive way that drives growth and learning. Sharing the success and owning the failures is a core leadership behavior. As a leader, who do you focus the spotlight on?

It is an interesting game when people who don’t do the work try to attempt to take the credit. I was once subjected to multiple emails where a couple of people were congratulating themselves for all the hard work they said they did on a program that I was leading, and which my team had done 99% of the work. However, the two stakeholders who were taking the credit actually contributed very little other than creating delays; creating multiple issues and risks; acting unprofessionally; and essentially creating a hostile work environment. Yet they wanted to share in the success and stole the spotlight for themselves. They also happened to be the only two stakeholders to always pass the blame; usually for their bad behavior.

The advice here is also never ever steal someone else’s thunder for their work, including intellectual property. We all have stories of managers who stole credit for successes. True leadership typically love to provide credit where it is due- they celebrate success. While most organizations have clauses around IP, when it comes to daily work, it is often not as clear on how leaders negotiate these policies and procedures. I once worked for a senior leader who intentionally excluded my name in the list of authors on a piece of published research that I designed and led. This was essentially theft. I never trusted that leader again. While I lost a valuable reference to my own IP, the lesson learned was invaluable in how I mange my own IP since. When it comes to IP issues, you are delving into a world of potential legality that can be avoided by leaders doing the right thing.

Good managers are also the ones who are first to step forward and own any failures. If a team member ever raises that others are taking credit, pay attention as the next step from this is disengagement and ultimately that team member leaving for where their contributions are recognized and rewarded.

Do Be Respectful Of Bandwidth Issues

We need to stop the old school culture of thinking that doing loads of things at once demonstrates leadership. It does not. Where there are multiple competing demands for a resource’s time, with many people engaging in multiple roles, projects or supernumerary and voluntary opportunities, don’t assume that your resources have time to help, especially on non-mandatory and non-priority tasks or for those that are not part of their official role or responsibility. Demanding volunteerism is not volunteering, it’s authoritarianism. Being forced to do anything generally leads to poor outcomes, reduced engagement and increased levels of dissonance. If you as a leader find yourself in need of help to complete projects, I would highly recommend ASKING if they are available or interested. If they are, then LISTEN carefully to what they are able or willing to sign up to. Don’t ask for an inch and then demand a mile.

Do Develop Resilient Trust-Based Relationships

Often leaders will operate on their relationships with others based on role, hierarchy and positional power. Rather, spend time to get to know what drives your resources and what they are interested in. Take the time to have meaningful conversations with them and to get to know their strengths. Just because you are in leadership, it does not discount the need for basic communication skills – in fact communication is just as important as they were before, if not more important. Don’t talk at people, but actively work at engaging them in meaningful conversation. Build an enduring and trust-based relationship, they will flock to you and support you in attaining success. If you bark orders at them and treat them poorly or not engage them meaningfully then they will not come back next time you ask. Don’t burn through your resources. Ask yourself, what is the legacy as a leader that you would like to establish? Having a reputation of not being able to be challenged or burning through your resources is not a badge of honor, it is actually a badge of dishonor!

Do Check Interest Levels

Forcibly volunteering someone to engage in an activity, particularly through positional power rarely benefits anyone. If they are not interested or it’s not meaningful the game has ended before you set out. It is plain and simple, asking people goes a long way. I once received over 60 instant messages over a 30-minute time frame, with at no point being asked if I was actually available to chat or even interested, rather than just launching into what ended up being 7 pages of to do’s for a volunteer activity. I was then told to attend a follow up call, to which the leader was late, and when finally arrived talked at me for 30 minutes which made me late for my next meeting. This was not a great start to a volunteer activity that I could have been excited by, but which felt more like a burden based on the way a leader failed to engage meaningfully. While I successfully delivered the program, I chose to never work with that leader again. When a leader shows you their true colors you must believe them.

Do Provide What They Need To Do the Job

Make the journey as smooth as possible and with as little impact on those who are helping you. If you are not removing roadblocks, or even creating those roadblocks your resources will at some point leave you. Don’t ask your resources to engage in activities that will bring them additional personal challenges or one that you yourself are not willing to do. Lead from the front. If they need software, equipment or information, make sure they have what they need to do their jobs and be successful. Set them up for success not failure. When they fail, you fail- remember good leaders own the failures. If they fail because you haven’t provided them the right tools or information, or because of unrealistic expectations, then that failure is totally yours to own. If you are throwing your employee into a lions den knowing very well that the people you are expecting them to deal with are difficult, then you must support them. In order to do a job, the right tools and supports need to be provided. The moment that a resource is faced with having to perform but not being set up for success is the moment that they may start to consider making a move to where their performance and success is supported and where they have the right equipment to do their job.

Do Take Time To Reflect

As a leadership coach and a former clinical psychologist, one of my key recommendations to leaders is to take the time to reflect on what drives them as a leader. Knowing oneself is key. Reflect on what is important to you and what your boundaries are. Understand why and how your leadership style have come to be. Knowing yourself is an important step towards being a strong and impactful leader. Leadership is about relationships. Reflect on the relationships that you are building (or destroying). While positional leadership can be given; true leadership is seen in how many people trust and follow you where you may lead. It is time to stop pushing people and rather pull and invite them through better leadership. Good leadership is a choice. The choice is always ours to determine what kind of leader we want to be and what kind of legacy we want to leave as a leader. What do you choose?

Do Be Mindful and Compassionate to Self and Others

Being mindful and actively present is a key skill in developing trust based and responsive relationships. A leader should take on the responsibility of demonstrating what being present looks like. Demonstrate what taking accountability looks like. Demonstrate that it is acceptable to make mistakes and to own and learn from failure. Show that it is acceptable to be a human. Be an advocate and example for looking after yourself. Certainly, take time to reflect on areas of improvement, but celebrate the good and show what it means to be kind to yourself rather than driving unnecessary competition or unrealistic expectations.

Working double your working hours, or many hours into the evenings and weekends needs to stop being a leadership badge of honor and stop being expected and rewarded by leaders. We must see this for what it is, it is poor self-care and poor leadership. This is not solely about work life balance, it is about doing things differently. It is about working smarter not harder. It is about challenging deeply held assumptions about what leadership value looks like. Leaders must be the role models for their staff and teams. Receiving a text at 10pm on a Sunday from a leader does not impress me, it instills feeling of pity for the leader that they can’t manage their role, that they are prioritizing work over family and do not have the insight for the need for time away. If leaders were to instill these boundaries in their own practice and their teams, we would likely see less leadership issues arising during the work week! Everyone needs time away. Setting mindful and compassionate boundaries are one of the most impactful things a leader can do.

With leadership being such a hot topic and valued as one of the hottest commodities, it is time that we pay more attention to being better leaders. No theory or article on leadership could possibly ever replace the impact on listening to what people actually say about you as a leader. If you reflect and listen, you will find a wealth of data in how others perceive you as a leader. Use this as your litmus to drive that change you want and to challenge the deeply held assumptions and myths about leadership.

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