As Leaders, should WE be LIKED or NEEDED? The dilemma WE all face!

Ever find yourself caught between wanting to be liked by your team and feeling satisfied only when you're needed? It’s a common leadership struggle, and the lines between the two can often blur. The real question is: which one should you prioritize? And more importantly, how do these desires affect the way you lead?

?I remember a conversation with a fellow leader who said something that stuck with me: "I don't need to be liked, but I do love feeling needed." That statement got me thinking, and honestly, I could relate. As leaders, the idea of being needed fulfills a purpose—it feels like validation that we’re making an impact. But is that enough?

?Let’s dive into this leadership dilemma with some real-life stories and strategies to figure out how to balance the need to be liked versus the desire to be needed.

1. Wanting to be liked: Is It a TRAP?

Who doesn’t want to be liked, right? It’s human nature. But when you’re in a leadership position, the need for approval can get tricky. Picture this: you’re running a team, and deep down, you want everyone to see you as the cool, approachable leader. You avoid tough conversations because you fear people might think you’re too harsh. Over time, this can backfire.

?Take Priya, a project manager I worked with. She wanted so much to be liked by her team that she often avoided holding them accountable. It wasn’t long before deadlines were missed, and the team started losing respect for her. Her need to be liked undermined her leadership. The truth is, leadership isn’t about popularity—it’s about guiding your team, even when it means making the hard calls.

Here’s a tip: if you find yourself needing approval, ask why. Is it about your personal validation? Or is it about creating a healthy, productive work environment? Leaders need to be respected, not necessarily liked.

2. Liking to be Needed: Is it really a GOOD THING?

Now, let’s flip the script. You might not care about being liked, but you love being needed. There’s something deeply satisfying about being the go-to person, the one who has all the answers. But even this can have its downsides.

?Raj, a CEO I once consulted for, was always there for his team- solving their problems, answering every question, and guiding them through every challenge. His team relied on him so much that they stopped thinking independently. One day, when he wasn’t available, the team was lost. Raj realised that by liking to be needed, he had unintentionally made his team dependent on him.

Leaders who like to be needed often feel indispensable, but here’s the catch: great leaders build teams that thrive even when they’re not around. So, while it’s fulfilling to be needed, make sure you’re empowering your team to grow beyond your direct involvement. In the end, leadership is about setting others up for success without you.

3. The cost of trying to be LIKED

We’ve all been there—caught in the dilemma of wanting our team to like us. But when the desire for approval gets in the way of making tough decisions, it can derail your leadership. Leaders who prioritize being liked often avoid conflict, give in too easily, and struggle with making unpopular decisions.

Let’s take John, who led a small marketing team. He loved being seen as the “cool boss” and often let things slide. When his team underperformed, he hesitated to give critical feedback because he feared losing their approval. It wasn’t long before the whole team’s performance tanked, and John had to face the uncomfortable truth—being liked doesn’t always lead to respect.

Great leadership is about respect, not popularity. It’s about making tough decisions that may not always be popular, but are in the best interest of the team and organization.

4. Building a team that doesn’t always need YOU

Liking to be needed can give leaders a sense of purpose, but it’s important not to let it turn into dependency. One of the hallmarks of great leadership is building a team that can function and succeed without constant oversight.

?I once worked with a leader, Lalita, who was so involved in every aspect of her team’s work that they became overly dependent on her. She realised that while it felt great to be needed, it was holding back her team’s growth. She took a step back, empowering her team with the tools and trust to make decisions on their own. It wasn’t easy, but it paid off. The team became more self-reliant and confident, and Lalita could focus on bigger strategic goals.

True leadership isn’t about being needed all the time—it’s about empowering your people to excel even when you’re not there.

Balancing the two: Respect over Likeability

In the end, the best leaders strike a balance. It’s okay to enjoy being liked, and it’s natural to feel fulfilled by being needed, but neither should dominate your leadership style. The goal is to build a team that respects you—one that knows you’ll guide them, support them, and hold them accountable.

Leaders who prioritise respect over likeability or the need to be needed are the ones who make the most lasting impact. So, the next time you catch yourself wanting to be liked or needed, remember that leadership is about fostering independence, not dependence, and earning respect, not approval.

Final Thoughts: Leadership with Purpose

At the end of the day, leadership isn’t about validation or approval—it’s about purpose. Do you know why you lead? Are you guiding your team toward their own success, or are you holding onto the need for validation? Lead with purpose, empower your team, and remember that the best leaders inspire respect, not just likeability or dependency.