A Leader’s Professional Abuse; Pt. 1 When You’re the Leader – The Ugly Side of The Workplace & The 5 Keys to Protect Your People from Professional Abu

This is an unfortunate topic pertaining to Leadership that I wish wasn’t true and I didn’t feel compelled to write about! However, I’ve lived through it as a former Employee and now getting to travel the world to present Leadership Trainings to Organizations; I’ve had the pain and privilege to hear horror stories from Leaders and Employees regarding their past experiences. Some were told to, “Shut the F#*$ up” when sharing an idea… only to then be scolded at their new job for not speaking up enough. Others were told they were stupid, some engaged in screaming matches and near-physical confrontations in meetings for all staff to hear and witness. I myself was targeted by a boss, called into a meeting with all Higher-Ups, while my boss sat next to me and lied… and when I questioned him, I was silenced and told it wasn’t time for questions. Last, but not least, is my personal favorite… Silence… when Higher-Ups simply stop talking to you, sharing information, their reasoning, and giving pats on the backs and praises to everyone and anyone, but you!

Effective and consistent COMMUNICATION & CONNECTION are everything; allowing your People to not like your reasoning or your “No’s”, but at least they’re aware of your “Why”, what’s expected of them, how they can do it, and what a WIN actually is! So, how do you refrain from engaging in Professional Abuse, lead through frustration like a Leader, and protect your People from your Leadership Style?

Emotion-of-the-Minute!

Many instances of Professional Abuse stem from surrendering to our Emotion-of -the-Minute! As a Leader… BE HONEST… are you being sharp, short, and/or abusive due to professional stress, personal stress, or is this a personality issue? This is a crucial question to digest and answer.

When the stress is professional or task-based, there must be a plan to reevaluate projects, people, and processes:

• Is the project necessary and worthwhile?
• Does it need to be modified by identifying the bottleneck?
• Are the initial desired outcomes realistic? Do they need to be modified?

When the stress is people-based, there must be a plan to reevaluate projects, people, and processes:

• Does the person have the professional capacity and/or knowledge base to complete the task successfully? If not, what training or transition must occur?
• Does the person have the bandwidth to complete the task? Are you aware of their list and how many tasks, projects, and favors they’re currently doing for other Leaders and coworkers?
• Is this person still a fit for where the company is headed, how the company is evolving, and what the company now values? If so, let’s continue! If not, let’s allow them to be an asset elsewhere.

As a Leader evaluating these questions… be mindful that it’s OK to be frustrated, exhausted, and confused. It’s not OK to snap, yell, scream, name-call, gossip about the person, vent for all to hear, or use silence as a weapon to isolate. Instead, take a deep breath, realize it’s OK not to have an answer or a response in the moment, review the questions listed, set 1-on-1 time to meet, explore, and plan.

Seek to Understand!

I’ve found most people want to be great… or at least, good at their jobs. When I was in the midst of burning out of my former career as a Mental Health Therapist, I remember a “Tough Conversation” my bosses had with me. One was due to being excessively late to work by a few minutes; I was pulling in when students/clients were getting off the bus to enter the facility. When my Leaders brought my tardiness to my attention; I shared I was going through a divorce, I had three children in three different schools (Middle School, Elementary, and Daycare), I was the only person that could get them there, I was commuting an hour to work, and I didn’t know what to do! How were they supposed to know all of that if I hadn’t shared or they never asked? How would I have responded if I was written-up without a conversation, yelled at, embarrassed in front of my coworkers, etc.?

Also, we must seek to understand how our People learn best. Your teaching style may not be the same as their learning style. Both parties could benefit the other by making concerted efforts. For example, my youngest son is a quarterback. He’s a hands-on learner and all his life he’s been the starter. Therefore, his style of learning was conducive to his position; as the starter gets a bulk of the repetitions at practice… PERFECT! When he surprisingly didn’t earn the first-string position and became the second-string; he had to find a new way to learn and apply his preferred learning style. He began to take notes during football meetings, reviewed them at home, and went to practice an hour early to act out each rep. He used a written strategy and made time for hands-on implementation on his own!

Therefore, to limit Professional Abuse and our Emotion-of-the-Minute Response… seek to understand. Perhaps their reasoning will provide valuable insight and opportunity!

Suggested Solution!

Professional Abuse can be exacerbated when Leaders feel they know best and always Lead with their solution. That’s not Leadership, that’s a dictatorship! As a new Leader, it may feel good to have all the answers, to share them, to fix all the problems… look at you go! However, it teaches your People to bring all problems your way and run, fails to develop their out-of-box thinking and Leadership Skills, keeps you in the weeds, cripples your ability to evolve the vision forward, and will eventually burn you out… leading to a toxic and professionally abusive work environment because you’re doing everything, don’t trust your Team, and have nothing else to give!

Therefore, we must get used to addressing issues, ask why they think they’re occurring, and request their suggested solution to rectify the issue. You may be surprised by some of the amazing and creative ideas you hear! You may also be floored how little some Employees care and are actively trying to get fired… but you’ve been cutting a check once every two weeks and not many people voluntarily walk away from easy money! My favorite question is, “What do you think you can do so this is no longer an issue? You know I’d prefer not to have this conversation and we have to be great at this moving forward.”. ?Simply be quiet and let them answer!

I share with my Team that one of three things will happen next:

1. Their idea is so great… we have to go with it! Get confirmation, a plan of action, check-in, and follow through!
2. We may have to fine-tune their idea. It’s a good start but may not fit our Vision & Vision Factors, policy, or brand.
3. We cannot go with the idea; as it’s not a fit in our Vision & Vision Factors. If they can modify their idea on their own time, we can schedule a time to revisit it. This may be the time to share your Back-Pocket Solution if necessary to make expectations clear and with possible deadlines.

Back-Pocket Solution!

As a Leader within an organization, it’s imperative to do all The Keys detailed here… however, it’s equally important you have a plan in your back pocket. When your Direct-Report, Employee, or Player (if you’re a Coach) has a great idea… awesome, but we must be prepared for them not to… that’s Leadership. What’s your idea, policy, or new procedure going to be?

When time is not of the essence, share you will make time and take time to explore possible options, set a time to reconvene, utilize the time to conduct your research such as speaking with other Leaders, Employees, seeking and requesting mentorship from Leadership Peers or Social Media Platforms like LinkedIn, reconvene to share your new plan of action, and follow-through to ensure it’s understood and the necessary tools are provided for success!

Leadership-Style Awareness!

First, let’s pay homage to all of the Leaders out there! It’s a tough position and most people aren’t monsters bursting out of the underbelly of society, trying to ruin people’s day or life, Lol! Most Leaders want to do a great job, create and achieve their vision of success, but are only operating with the people skills and operational skills they currently know.

Therefore, to stop professional abuse and evolve your Leadership Skills it’s necessary to know which type of Leader you are. I shared “The 5 Types” in my book, The Leader’s Toolbox. Here’s a brief recap:

1. The Motivator! – Tends to be very positive, upbeat, uplifting others and is either very “Rah-Rah” or motivating others in a positive manner behind the scenes. In my book and Trainings, I share the Pro’s & Concerns of Each Type. Some of your Direct Reports, Employees, Staff, or Players may love this style and benefit greatly, but not all. So, What to do to be impact, influence, set expectations, and protect them? The answer is, speak The 7. Don’t worry, this will may sense very soon!
2. The Example! – This Leader is quiet, but if you followed them around all day, all you’d see is that they are doing a great job. They get things done, but may struggle to connect with others and your People may not want to interrupt you… and don’t know how to approach you due to your “Busy” . Therefore, be sure to schedule 1-on-1 time, be consistent, and speak The 7!
3. The Visionary! – This Leader has BIG IDEAS and plans most others can’t see or fully grasp. They don’t like the small steps of things. The Visionary must become a bit more aware of what it takes to consistently pull off the impossible to properly reward them when they do and place them in the right seats as time passes. Speaking The 7 will help!
4. The Connector! – This Leader is the Social Butterfly… in sports, they call him/her a “Player’s Coach”! They connect with everyone, but sometimes their kindness may be taken as weakness and boundaries are crossed and too many rules are broken. I teach a World’s Best Preface Statement that helps with this and speaking The 7 is helpful!
5. The Intense! – This Leader has that stoic vibe and when they enter a room… people scurry to get busy and things get done. However, they may be difficult to read or to approach. If this is you, regularly schedule 1-on-1 Meetings with your People, refer to my 1-on-1 Flow in The Leader’s Toolbox, possible partner with a Connector Type to perform as a buffer, and/or speak The 7!

Keep in mind… A GREAT Leader is all FIVE Types, depending on the person that needs it and the situation that calls for it! However, we all have a Top 2 we are at our core, and our Top 2 will change over time. Now, what the heck is The 7? It’s The 7 Professional Languages of Leadership. Great Leaders know which Types they are at their core, the Top 2 Languages they speak at their core, which Language resonates with them the least… as that may be the Employee or Player they struggle the most with, and they marry their Leadership Style, their Top 2 Languages, and their Person’s Top 2 Languages to enhance Connection & Culture!

The 7 Professional Languages… This is the Employee, Boss, Player that is heavily influenced, impacted, and feels protected by:

1. Goodie-Time – Receiving treats such as donuts, pizza, hoagie-day, etc.!
2. Quality Minutes – Receiving a few minutes of conversation that has nothing to do with work!
3. Recognition & Affirmation – Receiving praise for their efforts and how it impacted the bigger picture!
4. Knowledge and/or Advancement – Receiving knowledge to enhance their skills and/or opportunities to advance. Not everyone wants a promotion or to play in college or the pros… but they may want to be great where they are at what they like. Others want it all… Will you help them and how?
5. Incentives – Receive opportunities to earn more for a job done tremendously or company and Team competitions!
6. Flexibility – This person values being able to work flexibly and/or having their ideas flexibly implemented into the process of things!
7. Respect – This person values having the tools needed to be successful. For example, don’t just tell someone they did a task wrong and walk away. Be sure to give them the tools for success… what was wrong, why was it wrong, how does it impact everything else, how can they improve, and what is “improving” by your definition? Is there in-house training, shadow programs, outside training, etc. Additionally, this person highly values manners… pleases, thank you’s and email etiquette go a long way!

Professional Abuse is a real thing, not talked about enough, and it’s your job to ensure your People and Teams aren’t a victim of it from YOU or the Leaders you’re Leading! I Strongly implore you and your People to report any Professional Abuse within your organization to the proper person or department and make any investigation a swift priority.

If you are currently being Professionally Abused, report it immediately. No one can help if they don’t know it’s occurring… and chances are the person you’re reporting may be on their last strike. The company cannot disclose prior or current Disciplinary Actions taken against a Leader or Employee… so, don’t assume no action has ever been taken. YOU coming forward may be what starts the process or the straw that breaks the camel's back to complete it… Be Mindful!

“Professional Abuse can be exacerbated when Leaders feel they know best and always Lead with their solution. That’s not Leadership, that’s a dictatorship… Be Mindful!”??? – Andre Young

Written by: Andre Young

Are you looking to impact your Organization, Leaders, Teams, and Employees with Leadership & Work/Life Harmony Trainings or a Speaker? Click www.youevolvingnow.com to connect, chat, and customize with Andre Young!