Leaders Need Appreciation Too. (It’s Not “Sucking Up”!)

When the person you report to sees you coming toward them, is their thought, Here comes some good news! or, Here comes a solution!?Or is their emotion more like, What now?

In my talks, I often cite the opposite scenario: what employees think when a supervisor contacts them. Some examples of this are below. But keep reading to see what happens when the message is reversed.

A question I ask groups is, “When you receive a text, email, or voice message from the person you report to, what is your first thought? Is it, Here comes some more good news? Is it, All these compliments are getting in the way of my productivity?” The group will smile and chuckle. If I’m in an organization, I will then ask if there are any attendees from facilities and engineering. Some hands will go up. I then share with the group that if anyone has a different type of humor, they should call facilities and engineering. When someone answers, say, “I want you to know the temperature is perfect, not too cold or too hot.” I then ask the facilities and engineering attendees how many calls like that they have received. The answer is always?none.?I use the same example for IT people: “How many notes or calls do you receive saying, ‘Thank you. Everything is working great!’” The answer again is?none.

This is not unusual. It is quite common to share what is not going well versus what is. Most organizations have methods and even committees meant to identify positives. Examples are Employee of the Month, Bright Spots, and Barrier Breaker initiatives. No one needs to create a group to highlight what is not working. Why? My experience is people just naturally gravitate to that. It makes sense: A focus on what’s not working fixes things. At times, it can save lives.

Yet positive messages are powerful. Research shows that if a person receives three to five positive statements for every one not-so-positive message, that person feels good about the messenger. This is something that just does not usually take place naturally. It is an area that takes work. We are quite good at this in early parenting. When a child achieves natural developmental milestones, parents and others are heavy on the positives. I understand that as a person matures, we may back off the praise. We do not need to applaud when our 13-year-old takes a step. I do feel, though, that recognizing the positives is still important. As a person matures, so does what is complimented. Recognized behavior gets repeated.

Now back to the thought at the beginning.?Do you share what is right or what is appreciated with those in formal leadership roles?? Yes, it’s nice for a leader to get a note or gift on Boss’s Day. It’s expected. But it can happen more often than that. The 3-to-1 positive to negative ratio works here too. How are you on the 3-to-1 ratio with your supervisor and/or senior leaders or owners? Individuals are quicker to focus on whether they are being recognized versus showing appreciation to their leaders or corporation.

Take time to pause and ask yourself the question, How am I at showing appreciation to individuals in leadership roles?? This applies to your workplace and your community.

A few tips:

1. Say thank you. After a meeting with your leader, send a thank-you note. It’s even better to share in that note what action you will take based on the meeting.
2. When you receive skill development (often called training or education), the same applies.?Drop a note of thanks and share what action you will take based on your attendance. Often when an organization invites me to speak, I share with the group that what they are experiencing is not the norm today. It often means investing in a location, in food, and at times in travel. This is what organizational support looks like. It’s an investment in each person’s well-being. The more skilled a person is, the more successful they will be and the better they will feel. I then encourage the group to say thank you.
3. Recognize that leaders have a difficult job. Empathy goes both ways. Often the person in the manager role has done the same job as those they lead (or at least a similar one). This is not true the other way. Most people have never been in the role of doing a budget, scheduling the workforce, or hiring and (at times) firing people. Leading is not for the faint of heart. Do not wait for a special Boss’s Day to say thank you.
4. Bring positive news and solutions. It is not bragging to share what is right with someone. It is nice to hear. Yes, bringing a problem to leadership is good, but also bring suggested solutions when you can.

Some people say that being so positive with a supervisor, senior leader, etc. is sucking up. I do not see it that way. It is a way of recognizing that the role is not easy. Showing appreciation is a good thing. All humans need it. It’s motivating and replenishing to everyone. And we can’t do it too often…there is no limit to being grateful.

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