The Leader’s Guide, January 2023

I'm thrilled to have you reading and staying connected with me in this way. Subscribe to see each one, if you haven’t already. Thank you for joining me!

An Inverted Plan

As leaders and entrepreneurs, we often like to have a plan. It’s all laid out and looks so pretty – until reality arrives. Then, we flex and adapt based upon what isn’t in the playbook we designed. Sometimes, though, the plan gets inverted and you are making it up as you go along. There is no script and things are changing constantly.

That was my January so far. It’s been very hard – and yet, I’ve taken some lessons from it all that I thought to share with you.

What happened?

My Dad has been sick for some time. Through the holidays, there were progressions in that illness. On 7 January, he was admitted to the hospital and sadly, he passed away on 13 January. My siblings (in-laws and outlaws combined) spent a week full-time in a hospital room in loving support of my Dad before he died – and another week planning services and doing first step estate things for a week afterward. Professionally, I was nearly 100% out of contact. I was, and always will be, a Daddy’s Girl and this experience gutted me.

I had appointments with clients that were canceled with little notice. I had two book signings that needed to be canceled. For some reason, my voice decided to give up and I currently sound like a struggling frog – and that’s an improvement. As a result, I’m rescheduling the book signing that was scheduled for this week, as well. I love what I do and not getting to be in those moments was disappointing.

All the hopes of a new year, which actually included a January visit to see my Dad, went up in smoke. Objectively, it wasn’t a great experience.

And yet. There were moments of learning and gratitude.

One size never fits all.

I’m quite proud of my family and how we showed up for my Dad. I wouldn’t have predicted that we would just all shut down – almost entirely – every other aspect of our lives to be near him even when he could no longer communicate. We supported each other while showing love for him.

I have two siblings and I often say that our personalities make a very large triangle. We see and interact in the world in very different ways. In a very real – and in the moment – kind of way, we counted on those differences to be a collective strength. It offered more perspective. We opened our hearts and minds to each other in service to Dad and what was best for him.

As a leader, hopefully, you are working with a wide range of personalities and backgrounds. It can be hard because what is obvious to you is not so for others. Your perspective may get tested. You may need to open your heart and mind in service to what is best for the organization – not just your team.

I’d invite you to embrace that even more than you do already. Where can you get more insights from others to make ‘good for the whole’ decisions?

Know what you value and live to it

I was granted the opportunity to do the eulogy for my Dad. He had taught me how to speak confidently from the front of the room and he always encouraged me to try again even (or especially) when I fell. In my remarks, I talked about him in this way, “If there was a chance to laugh and enjoy life, he was ready to embrace it. He leaves us with more than the farm as a legacy. He taught us to do the right thing even when it’s hard. He taught us to find joy in the basics in life and be grateful for what you have.”

That last point. Dad knew what he valued, and he lived it with conviction. He wasn’t perfect though he was wonderfully imperfect.

Since delivering that eulogy, I think about those values and that conviction. Personal values may be articulated differently than professional ones. Professionally, we talk about it as ‘What is your brand?’. In my coaching, I often talk to clients about what they want others to see in them (usually as a leader). It’s a component of that brand statement.

Which of your top values will you show others in the next month?

People are amazing

No, I mean, really amazing. As our world was going sideways, my family kept getting so much support from the local community and our personal/professional networks. For me, I want to send a special thank you for all my clients, colleagues and friends who were impacted or aware. You are all so very flexible and I appreciate you. I’ve not stayed in touch with my classmates as I might have. Still, a couple of them showed up to give me a hug or messaged me if they were outside the area. I hadn’t seen them for 20-30 years. I recognized how strong my current support network is and how they were ready to lift me up beyond what I’d ever have expected.

I wouldn’t want you to wait until a crisis to recognize all those who are there to support you. When you feel alone and uncertain about the next steps, remember there are people who truly want to help and support you. Know who those people are – and become that person in any way that works authentically for you. I had messages of, “I’m terrible at this and never know what to say. Just know I care.”

Who is at the core of your support system? Where, as a leader, can you show up to be the support someone else needs?

I’m still looking forward to how the rest of the year turns out. There’s grief at the physical loss of my father and yet, trust me, he’s still in my head and heart. It was his voice that propelled me forward a couple of times – even since he’s been gone.

Let’s Connect!

I’m always eager to hear what is happening with you. Drop a line, give a call, or schedule some time to chat. One thing I did miss while away was seeing more of your updates and celebrating your achievements. Do not hesitate to catch me up on all the fabulous things you have been doing!